Just want you to know that I am thinking of you and you are a very special, kind person. Please stay strong.
Hugs
Pat
Oh Girl, Your going to get thru this. Besides depression, I wonder if your hormones are a bit out of whack? Have you ask your gyno about that? Being a step parent with a diff x wife is no walk in the park, and trying for a new baby can also have it's emotional whoa's. Think Of it this way. This is sure to get resolved, but if you use that will complicate the baby making plans. Do everything medically to balance yourself and then maybe go see a therapist for the emotional. Hang in there, this is temporary . Sending lots of good energy and mountains of hugs.
i know you remember what kind of hell your detox was.
you gotta realize that no matter how you feel now, if you go get what you THINK you want (a pill) you are going to be thrown right back into the briar patch and will feel worse than you EVER have. you KNOW this. take a vacation. after 253 days clean, id say you deserve it.
Thinking of you this morning~~
OH my sweet girl, i so feel your pain:( I am too going through similar struggles, the idea of battling my addiction for a lifetime is so freaking overwhelming to me. I get cravings everyday and look and find reasons to use and then the angel on the other side tells me NO. We do not have an option now do we? We need to just keep on fighting and pray that it will get easier with time. You have come such a long way, don't throw it all away, just think how you feel now over a mental relapse, imagine if you did relapse? NO WAY WE CANT!!!!! I am so proud of you for coming here for support and going to your husband, that just goes to show how much your sobriety means to you, you are a fighter my friend, don't give up. The depression is such a huge trigger, i know it all to well, try to get the depression under control and fight DAM IT.
I just don't know what to say except that I am so very sorry! It's good to seek help as soon as possible! I'm praying very hard for you to get better soon! Much love and support! Please keep posting! At least you can get your feelings out and get some love!
You will often her me say that we relapse mentally, emotionally and spiritually before we pick up the drug. If you are lucky enough to catch it, you can prevent it. And the good news is that you have caught it. The only thing a pill will do right now is make your life unmanageable. The guilt alone will drive you crazy. You have come to far and have learned too many lessons to throw it all away. You CAN get through this.
If you are taking medication then you have the type of depression that is a chemical imbalance. Good. that can be fixed. Often times the medication needs to be adjusted or changed. You should phone your doctor right away and get in to see him/her. Don't wait on this.
Second, I understand you sitting in the meetings and not talking. I did the same darn thing and the only person I hurt was me. I had to force myself to get involved and I did do that only because I was so afraid of what was out there if I relapsed. I had done several jail stints and several rehab stays and I knew death was the only thing I had not done. I forced myself to speak up and get involved and I don't regret that decision.
You are already showing signs of relapse by admittedly self-medicating to sleep. It is an escape mechanism and it is so dangerous. You don't have to run.
Please, please...if you can't talk at meetings then talk here or ask your doctor about private counseling or group counseling. Whatever is making you want to run can be dealt with. Please keep talking.
I'm sending hugs and prayers.....