I'm on an emotional rollercoaster

[Renew11]

My husband and I got married a little over 2 yrs ago.  The day after we got back from our honeymoon he told me he had a problem with painkillers.  In the beginning I thought I could handle it and help him now after one failed stint in rehab he is back in another one this time for a year.  I love my husband but sometimes my mind gets the best of me and I become enraged or overwhelmed with sadness and guilt.  One day I want to work it out and the next I'm over it and want out.  My faith in the Lord is the only thing keeping me sane at this point.  I know I need counseling because my husband can't come home to me and my rollercoaster of emotions.  Help I just don't know how to cope anymore I feel like I have the weight of him plus my own issues how do I let go and let God?  How can I put back together the pieces of me?

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  I would recommend AlAnon to you.  There should be a meeting in your area.  Counseling would be great too.  So he is in rehab for a year?  Is it an outpatient thing?  

The other thing you might do is talk to your pastor.  Whatever you do....do it for you!  Let your husband deal with his issues.  Do this for yourself.  That way, whatever happens, you will be healthy mentally!

Good luck! : )

[el_em_en_oh]

I have a friend, Jared, that's exactly like your husband. EXACT same story, actually. Rehab with me in late 09', relapse and then back into rehab. I've felt sorry for him, but know he is getting the help he needs in treatment, but I think of his wife whom he only recently married. She didn't 'plan' on this. She didn't 'bank' on this. She loves him dearly, and that's what keeps her going, like you.

Do what tramahater said and get to an Al-Anon meeting. Outside counseling is always good as well. It really does help to talk to a 3rd-party about your issues/problems/love, etc.

I wish you the best of luck, Sister. You are a strong woman for standing by him through this. He is sick, and is getting the help he needs. Now it's time for you to do the same.

LMNO

[Jaybay]

Your husband married you under false pretenses.  That's some wedding gift he gave you - informing you after the vows that he has a serious medical problem.  You have ever right to feel angry and sad, but throw the guilt under the bus.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  It's entirely up to your husband to walk the road of recovery.  You can't do it for him.  Should you decide that the best thing for you is to leave the marriage, then do it.  One of the things you'll learn in Alanon is to "detach - with love."  

Spouses of addicts, like you and me, have just as hard of a time dealing with recovery as our addict spouses do.  It's not a better or worse experience - it's every bit of an emotional roller coaster as the one the recovering addict is dealing with.  We're on different but parallel tracks.

Just as your husband has to discover that he is powerless where his addiction is concerned, so we must admit that we are powerless over our spouses' addiction.  I'm having a terrible time myself trying to figure out exactly what "support" means.  Other than being a cheerleader on his good days and avoiding him on the relapse days, I'm open to suggestions.

Try to attend a few Alanon meetings so you can be educated about exactly what you're up against.  Then you can at least make an informed decision about whether to stay in the marriage or not.  I feel your pain.  :-)

[el_em_en_oh]

Jaybay makes a valid point.

He married you under false pretenses and basically started lying to you out of the gate. As an addict, I lean towards protecting my fellow addicts and say stuff like, "They're sick and they need help", or "It's a disease they can't help what they did", but we have to draw a line in the sand sometimes, and I think in this particular instance we (addicts) have to take a step back and put on our reality-hat.

He deceived you from the get-go, and no matter how much you love him and he you, you really don't know the REAL him. You know the addict him. How do you know that on the flip-side of rehab that he's going to come out and even be a shadow of his former self? You don't. He lied to you from the very beginning and you don't really know who he is.

You have some tough times ahead of you, and you're going to have to decide whether or not you want to stick around. This is a very delicate situation, although not unheard of, and you have to ask yourself if you really want to live life with an addict. Are you willing to stick around and wait for the real him to emerge from treatment? Is it time to cut your losses?

I wish you the best of luck, whatever happens.

[Renew11]

Thanks y'all for the advice I'm glad I found this site.  It makes me feel better to know the other people know what I'm going through emotionally.  This sat I get to visit him for the first time and the good thing about this program is that they have marriage counseling sessions I'm trying to give us a shot.  I will keep y'all informed Thanks again!!!!

[Renew11]

Oh and I will definately find Alanon around my area and start attending meetings ;)

[el_em_en_oh]

There are MANDY people here that are in your boat, and a lot of folks here that are in your husbands boat, so we can all relate to what you're going through on some level.

Keep posting. It helps in a way I can't describe.

LMNO

[el_em_en_oh]

And by MANDY, I mean "MANY".