I'm scared of tomorrow

[lolaragdoll28]

Hi
I take codeine snd dhc and took my last five left today (Saturday) I won't get more til Monday in the midday. When will withdrawals kick in and is it dangerous to my heart as have controlled heart failure? I realise this is am addiction which I need to stop at rehab in long run but that's not now. I'm on a waiting list. How bad will an entire day with none of these be considering codeine has a short half life?

[Merri123]

If you have a heart condition it could be dangerous. But I am not an expert. You will probably start feeling wd's by the morning. Keep an eye on yourself and don't be alone if possible.

[Sugarmagnolia1975]

hey there. I'm not sure about how it would affect your heart, please keep us posted on how you are feeling though. I wish I could be of more help :/

[lolaragdoll28]

Update- woke up vomited sweats and chills headache all bones felt very painful I was crying had diarreah ended up in hospital complained of back pain (also true in fact) and got dhc and ok now. Worse withdrawal ever I duno wat would have happened had I left suffering til the afternoon as symptoms were getting worse by d min. Even considered a way of ending it all but I can't b selfish to my family. I'm ok now :)

[vicki595]

You should realize now that cold turkey withdrawal is not for you. Although you're young, your medical history and your health is precarious so you need to be tapered off the codeine.

Where are you on that waiting list for rehab?  Can they detox there?  I hope you'll speak to your doctor about your addiction and get some help. It must come from you and you need to WANT to be free.  Good luck-

[lolaragdoll28]

I know I can't ct but had no choice cause run out but I'm ok now - managed to get some pills. I will find out Monday about rehab and give an update :)

[meegWpaw]

hi lola ive been reading your posts and just wanted to tell you that i hope you are doing ok.  i think rehab would be a great option, hope to get the update tomorrow / Monday ... take care of yourself!!!

[lolaragdoll28]

I also want to add to avoid any confusion a waiting list in the uk means knowing zilch on when n where ull n treated. In this country the system makes u wait n wait as it's such a slow system. Iv sent letters phoned etc to no avail. I know it's on the pipeline. But til then I can only attempt to just reduce my dose (which is hard) even my family is losing patience bcz they can't understand the horrible irresistible urge one is stuck with until taken care of professionally and I'v just got the added pressure of mayb parents expecting me to cut down drastically b4 I hit rehab which in itself an added stress bc I just struggle endlessly with it. My addiction is so great I can't control myself cz I'm too weak to my addiction. It's engrained in my mind and I get severely in pain or depressed when I try. I'm so stuck and alonbe Eventho I know others r feeling just as bad telling n explaining all to my parents through the years has taken a toll on them my mum was in tears about it last night bcz she's had enough esp with seeing how extreme my withdrawals were yesterday but WHAT CAN I DO I'm a bloody hopeless addict I hate myself they'd b better off me killing myself I sometimes feel but I'm n

[lolaragdoll28]

Not stupid and wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. I panic each time there may b a prob wit the post and I won't get my pills wen I desperately need them every month. The guilt and fear r killing me. This is a living nightmare!!!!!!!

[NeverAgain127]

Take a breath hon.    Everything seems blown up and scary right now, but you are going to be ok.   You went c/f and that is why your withdrawals were so dramatic.   At the hospital, did they tell you that your heart was okay?  

Do you have a primary doctor?   I don't know how things work in the UK, but if you do, I would 'come clean' with the doctor and tell him/her of your plan.  They can help you maintain until you get into a place where you can detox safely.  

Try as hard as you can NOT to take any more of the codeine than you absolutely have to...no extras, no getting high.   Stay here and read as much as you can of people who have gotten off opiates: their stories, their journeys,  If you want this bad enough, you will get there.

Chin up, little one...your life is not over, and you still have many things to do.    Keep telling yourself it is going to be okay.  And keep us posted!

Hugs,

-Robin

[lolaragdoll28]

I did tell my doc a few weeks back and they cut off my supply straight away not wanting to know or help. I had a breakdown bcz I had to look for new sources of where to get some to avoid acute withdrawal.

[lolaragdoll28]

My heart is ok tho but I KNOW it wouldn't b if withdrawals were left lasting more than 12 hrs. Neveragain127 ur post put me to tears bcz u sound so caring and nonjudgmental same with the other posters. I'm so glad ppl like u all are here to talk to my story it's means so much xxx

[nursegirl6572]

Sweetie, I'm all for people detoxing safely, and if you have to be extra careful, then so be it, but make SURE you're not using your heart issues as an excuse to keep using, and putting off trying to get clean.  Typically, it's very very rare that opiate detox would cause any risk to one's health.

Do you have a cardiologist?  If so, that's where I think you should start.  Get his/her opinion about the safest way to proceed for you, and then ask him/her to help you!  You're just stuck on the merry go round....we're all here for you.

Hang in there!

[lolaragdoll28]

Yes I have a cardiologist and am going to ask them. But my mum will b in the room with me (I usually ask her to) and if I tell her I don't want her there she'll know I'm up to something, and that will prob b to do wit the pills and if they say my using is bad for my heart she'll put even more pressure on me about the situation. She asks me each day angrily how much iv taken and I always lie bcz I dun wana disappoint ie saying iv taken nine dhc when in fact iv taken 18

[lolaragdoll28]

Yes I have a cardiologist and am going to ask them. But my mum will b in the room with me (I usually ask her to) and if I tell her I don't want her there she'll know I'm up to something, and that will prob b to do wit the pills and if they say my using is bad for my heart she'll put even more pressure on me about the situation. She asks me each day angrily how much iv taken and I always lie bcz I dun wana disappoint ie saying iv taken nine dhc when in fact iv taken 18

[lolaragdoll28]

Just. an update - STIL waiting but will speak to a new gp who has sent a letter to a psychiatric hospital that also does detox under nhs (free over here but will prob last a month) hopefully it'll b gd news but I'm still fearing it big time and sometimes I 100% wana get clean and sometimes it's 50-50, which scares me. I hope tho that by being clean it will persuade me that there's more to life than pills.

[lolaragdoll28]

I.e having no boyfriend at 30 as they dump me as soon as they know I'm massively addicted and being able to spend money on the right things in life. What a waste when I think of it!

[VICourageous]

Please do not be so hard on your self..If you study addiction in a more scientific way or hit them meetings, you will find out that it is a Brain Disease and it is not our fault..Yes, we can make choices and working on staying clean is a very good and wise one to make. Knowing how all of this affects the Brain is not going to save you, but it sure will help you understand a bit more. There are TONS of Videos and Readings out here that would help YOU & your Family to understand. This way they will be SUPPORTING YOU instead of pushing you or saying hurtful things. Try going to a few AA/NA meeting right now. You will also learn so much behind them walls..Take a quick peak at some of the info I put in here in my journal about this disease. As any disease we need support and help.

When we go through a detox it pulls the nervous system and other body/brain healing, the Brain also has to balance back its Chems, Hormones and Transmitters. If the immune system is weak it will play havoc on bouncing back. One thing that can happen is that the Heart will pump fast. Mine pumped really hard a lil over a couple of yrs ago as I came c/t off of 3 medds at once. This was not good for me at the age 56. When I had almost 1 yr and a half in I had lost alot both parents and many more family members in a short time which put alot of pressure on the Heart. The at 23 months I ended up in the hospital having a stent put in one of my arteries, that lay over the heart, and the other one was to blocked but it had re-routed a bit. Too this day they say it had started to build up in my later teens..SO I do think that my drug use at a very young age had alot to do with this as other factors play here too. YOU should not c/t if you have a Heart condition and YOU should do this under a DRs care..They might give you a light BP med called clonidine which they use to help with Anxiety and Sleep..It should not drop the BP down bad but it will help the Heart from over pumping to hard..IF you already have a Heart condition then I would assume you are on Heart meds already (if I am reading this right)..I AM NO DR..BUT speaking from experience I will pray for YOU to get free from Drugs and Booze as soon as possible..This disease is mean and it can take you down in so many ways..Get out there and seek some outside support by hitting some meetings or church groups or any kind of addiction SUPPORT..It is out here..I will be praying for you to stop this insanity before it has gone way to far. Be Safe, Be Good.
Bless

[lolaragdoll28]

Thanks VICourageous that was a really caring post. I will look at your posts to see what they're about. Yes I take ramipril and bisoprolol which lowers my blood press anyway, do you think clonidine might lower it too much? I'm jus so addicted it's do bad :(