opiates and anti-social behavior

[sgb43]

I have been on opiates for back pain for a good 8 years now.....have tried many times to stop without success.....is it my imagination or could these be the reason my life has become increasingly "narrow" in almost every respect, especially socially?   For some reason I have limited myself, little by little, in almost every area of my life to the point where I have fewer and fewer friendships and interests and a lower and lower quality of life.  I am finally seeing that there may be a connection between the drugs and this way of living.....whereas before I was blaming my circumstances (divorce, financial hardships, etc) for the malaise.  I don't want to believe it is the drug - I don't want to live in physical pain the rest of my life....but I can't help but realize the great emotional pain they may be causing!  Has anyone else experienced this dilemma of this sort of "disengaging from life" because of these drugs?  

[Tye327]

Hey how's it goin? Ya I know what your talkin about. I notice it with me too. Little bit at a time

[VICourageous]

Hi, This is a very good post and it is talked about alot at the AA/NA meetings. I myself have alot of opinions on this. I think most of us do some kind of isolation. Like all my so called friends I went around used too. We all had the same meds in common. BUT on the other hand my 2 drug I snorted got me so wired up that I would go to work and stay after a bit and come home and work inside and out. Sometimes I would be up late or early morning with a flash lite pulling weed from my Veg garden. But I got home about Midnight from work. I know it was crazy! NOW on the other hand I have a friend who does the Methadone and Drinks and she has become more and more isolated in her Room. I have had some x-crank/meth user at the meetings say they would only go out to buy drugs when the cops where doing a shift change. I do know MANY on here say that the Pills gave them the energy to go do things like move MTs. Haha! You know what I mean. When I used to drink, I was a social drinker and never had booze at home. So I really think it depends on the substance or the person themselves on why they use the things they do and what for. I hear this all the time at the meetings that people got so bad that they lost everything and lived under a bridge or in there car. I was able to get all my trucks paid off and I own my own property. I have never hit bottom that bad but only what my Meds did to be Mentally. I know people can see us in the way we do not see our selfs. AND what is the opposite for me is that I isolated my self for many, many months at home while I went through detox and I would only Hit the NA/AA meeting because my home became my Safe Place away from users that could cause me to have a trigger at any given moment. I guess my isolation was to be around only users. You know they say, are they REAL Friends or PILL Friends. I am sure you will get all kinds of input on this one..Great Post.
Bless

[HappyDays2Come]

It's funny because I was full of energy when I was on them INITIALLY! Then it took more and more and MORE to get that energy! Then I had energy but I was in an ill/hateful mood while on them. I also found that I was less affectionate than I was before. So while I was more energized socially, I probably wasn't the best company to have around! Now I'm no pro, and am only 6 days clean, but I find myself incredibly sweet and social already<--------Kidding! It takes time but I know who I was before I was taking pills and I can't wait to be that person again, someday soon.

[cleansweep1813]

I definitely isolated myself. My best friend was vicodin and my world revolved around using them. Hang in there it'll get better.

[EvolverU]

Boy, is this a good post! Thanks.

You're definitely not alone in your experience. I tend to be a social creature by nature -- always have been. I found that when I used my DOC's, my circle of friends (that I wanted to engage with) became narrower & narrower. I also stopped pursuing certain interests I'd had before & spent time isolating. Basically, I ended up hanging with other addicts of one type or another & life revolved around drugs.

Since detox, I've become convinced that the reason for all this has to do with my DOC's ability to keep emotions at arms length. I simply didn't feel/think about things the way that I do now. I didn't really grieve/care/love, etc. It 'protected' me from my own vulnerabilities, desires & unresolved issues but the longer I used the more I became aware that I wasn't really living. Detox has been a revelation in regards to all this. It's been rough having all these feelings/undigested bits from the past blindside side me with redoubled force but I've learned a lot about why I used in the first place and am learning to embrace whatever I feel as something I can live with. No matter what it is, it's me & it won't kill me to be patient with myself & just sit with it.

[waterview4326]

For me the pills gave me a sense of confidence of sorts, I KNOW it was a false sense. I too was NUMB to ALL my surroundings, feelings, MAJOR life changes while on tramadol. I also gave my control away, I let other people make ALL my decisions for me because I just really did not care. All I cared about really was the pills. I to in the beginning had TONS of energy, cleaned like crazy, yard work, after a year they turned on me.

   Today I am sober and in all honesty I struggle with WANTING to be around people. I am only 20 days and my confidence in who I was is just gone. I feel like I am not interesting, attractive or much of anything, is this normal? Each day I think will get better but it is hard. This post is interesting because I am less social now, crazy, huh? I feel kind of lonely in recovery, nevertheless I am pushing forward, interesting topic

[sgb43]

Thanks so much for your feedback and input....it is so gratifying to feel less alone in all of this.....EvolverU - I totally related to your suggestion that you weren't really living while abusing the drugs and the shock of everything coming down on you once you detoxed.....I need to detox desperately so I can prove to myself that the drugs are the problem in my narrowing life and it will be possible to feel again when they are no longer in my system....wish me luck....I am going to try CT this week....Bless you all

[Cira30]

Yes in the beginning I was a social butterfly but as the doses got higher and time went by I began detaching from friends, not wanting to go out. I definitely think it played a huge part in my social life.

[waterLilly7]

It has a lot to do with the physical, even though it seems mental. The opiates fill a receptor with no pain feel good chemical. Once this goes on for a  while the body no longer needs to produce that chemical, and so it doesn't. Now that the brain has the feel good chemical plugged in non stop there is no up and down, no waning and waxing, no wanting and fulfilling, as it is already fulfilled. This is why you lose your want to smell good things, and taste good things, because the brain is already satiated with the fulfilled chemical, it doesn't want for much, so you lose the want to fulfill it, you lose the want for the smell and taste, and also the socializing. Since the brain thinks its fulfilled, why socialize? its the same with sex, the brain thinks its fulfilled here too, When the brain is fulfilled there is no reason to try and fulfill it, so the lust for life fades away.
I am one year and 2 months and I never knew I would ever feel this good again. When I used to hear people say, " I just get high on life" I would be like, oh ***** please shutup." But now I see what its like. It was a long haul, with ups and downs along the way, and it was the best gift I ever gave myself. I feel on top of the world.
hugs,
Lily

[glamisgirl]

I agree with most above, in the start of my addiction I had so much energy and felt like super women. I felt like when I would hang with people I could just talk for hours about whatever. I cleaned like crazy and worked like a superstar. As the doses got higher my productiveness got lower. About 30 mins after a pill in my head I would feel like I wanted to do all these things but the energy to do them was so short lived that I would never end up getting to it and of course then I would have to take another pill to get energy back. I would go through that cycle all day long pill after pill chasing the high that I once got but all it was really doing was making me think I was happy and superwomen in my head for a very short time but in reality I was falling asleep all the time at my desk at work, I was thinking about all the cleaning I would do when I got home but really I would go home, take a pill and end up zoning out on the TV. When I was with friends and family I was so numb and high that I didn't engage in conversation I would just sit there in my own head and zone out. I too gave away my decision making because I just didn't care. My answer to everything was "I'm fine with whatever". I recall my husband yelling at me one day saying 'Wake up, its like you don't care about anything anymore". This was not my personality at all and my family new it but didn't know what was causing it.

Now being 62 days clean I am shocked at the energy I have. My real energy started coming back around the 35th day clean and has only gotten better from there. I can't believe how alert I am now and my husband actually said how nice it is that I'm fighting back with him when we disagree about something. He says he will take that any day over arguing with a zombie lol

It all gets so much better and you will be shocked at what you are capable of with out those pills. You are capable of far more being clean then you ever will be using. It doesn't feel like that in the beginning but once the fog lifts you will see, and seeing is AMAZING!!!