day 17.. thinking of relapse..

[doingitalone]

some days are better than others. today is a terrible, no energy, self-loathing kind of day. i've been doing great keeping the thought of opiates out of my head... except for today, for some reason, it just keeps popping back up. i keep thinking of that wonderful feeling. my spine has been aching alot today and its been a constant battle at home with my husband who is still a user... i just feel like i want to start using again with him, so jealous he gets to feel OK and at day 17 i still feel like ****..

i know i cant do this one more time BS because that always lead right back into the addiction.... came so far at day 17 i dont want to start back over at day 1.... but jesus if i could just have some relief.......


HELP!!!!!

[doingitalone]

ricart, thank you. my husband went and bought more (dwindling our savings almost to nothing...) but because of everyone's kind words here i did not give into the temptation. instead i stayed home and made my tacos :) i could not be a vegetarian, i think meat just makes me feel so happy and satisfied after i eat a big meal!

littlebit, i can completely relate. i did the same thing, i wouldn't shower for days and only slapped a small amount of makeup on to go into work. my hair became nonexistant and pulled into a bun. since i've quit using, the one thing i really look forward to during the day is my shower, it just feels so great and it gives me a routine to focus on and stay busy with. next thing i need to do is go get my hair done, i'm used to long hair and neglected it for months until now it looks ratty and ragged if i leave it down.

thanks for all the support and encouragement. i have a friend who is a social services worker who i can confide in (we are both in similar situations with opiates) and her favorite saying to me is "i supporage you" which is, support and encourage. so.. thanks for all the "supporage" guys :)

[littlebit667]

Glad I could help.  It is a small thing, but I really think it is the small things that do the most good.  When we ( and I mean me) are using..we often forget the little stuff...like bathing (I did, but would often forget because I was too tired to even start the bathwater), for women..putting make up on...I am doing that now, getting your hair done (I got mine colored/cut right before I went C/T). Felt like I needed something to make me feel better as I was getting ready to feel REALLY bad soon, cooking a nice meal, treating yourself to a movie, calling a friend just to chat.  Wow, I sort of fell off the earth for a long time.  Those things make me feel good and helps me stay clean.

[ricart70]

Littlebit has a good idea.when i was clean for several months last time,I got into a really weird and bad mood.I was a vegetarian and I went crazy and ordered a big pizza with a bunch of meat all over it.I felt so much better having something I had not had in such a long time.I am glad you are going to not use and hats off to you for not using when you know it is right there.I would not want that temptation.

[doingitalone]

littlebit, i feel like my cravings are worse when i'm hungry. in my effort to keep myself busy, i've been making dinner every night, something i didnt do while i was using. it's great, it makes me feel good and tonight im looking forward to tacos :) thank you

[doingitalone]

wow everyone.. i just want to say thanks, these words of encouragement are amazing. since i found this forum battling the addiction has been so much easier. because my husband hasn't been a source of my strength i felt like i was "doing it alone" like my name says but really, i'm doing it with everyone here. thank you so much.

donewitis, the bath idea is a great idea. as soon as i get dinner done (taco tuesdays :) ) i am hopping in the tub. took some ibuprofen, feeling a little better. you're absolutely right, i shouldn't envy him. i am strong for quitting and i shouldnt let his influence effect my long term goals.

ricart, i have been there detoxing with no food, it never fails at the end of the month every month we run out of money a week or two early, and since we always buy food at the beginning of the month we, too, have no money for food, or opiates, and so we're stuck withdrawaling and smoking cigarette butts. however, since i quit at the beginning of the month, i have seen the improvement in our financial standing and even though his using has greatly impacted where we should be, we atleast have enough to scrape by. thank god.

innerstrength, thank you. my husband does not acknowledge that many addicts couldnt quit their addiction while facing it in their partner. he has never read anything about addictions and i think he is somewhat ignorant about them. somehow i found the "inner strength" to say no when he offered. you're right, if i use even this one time i'm back to being dependent. if i've gone 17 days without using, i can go one more, and another one after that, and another..

thank you all :)

[littlebit667]

Treat yourself to something nice to eat.  Something you might not allow yourself to have often.  Whenever I was hungry...I could feel the cravings more.  Eating something seemed to push them back down.  You are so close to being clear of the pain.  By the 3rd week, I felt so much better and could laugh and smile again.  Those pills kept me so dull, I had no personality left.

[Innerstrength67]

Wow girl, you are so strong. 17 days clean and u could so easily get pills from your hubby. Pat yourself on the back because so many addicts couldn't do that. Stay strong. You know exactly what will happen if you ho back to using. Yea the pain would go away, you would feel high but then your dependent on pills again.
Your periods should return to normal. I was in Vicodin for so long that I never felt mine and when I finally got clean, it came with a vengeance.
Hang in there. This takes time and addicts are very impatient.
I'm so proud of you!!!!

[ricart70]

Donewitis is right I do not envy your husband.His day will come to have to pay for "feeling alright".When you,donewitis and I wake up tomorrow we won't be having to go to the medicine cabinet or night stand to be able to get up.Just hang in there a few more days.I felt like utter  *&^**( at day 17.It got quite a bit better at day 20 or so.I detoxed alone in my apartment with no food or anything for four days because I took it so far I had no cash to get anything.It sukt but I am glad I stuck it out to day 37 so far.Keep osting and let us know how you are.

[donewitis]

Take a hot bath..throw some epson salt along with some pleasant smelling bath salts...put some tunes on. light some candles.and really think about this. You got 17 days!!! Congratulations..it's a big accomplishment. Take an OTC something for your spine..it will help.You can turn this around..read your lod posts when you came in...it's going to continue to get better as long as you do not pick up a pill.. I guarantee...
I don't envy your husband..i feel sorry for him..for anyone who is in the grip of addiction. Celebrate..you are on the road to recovery.
I too am doing it alone..with the help of God,

[doingitalone]

Also........... i normally get my periods around the 16th of the month... its now over a week late, but my body is very sensitive to imbalances... think the withdrawals/detox threw my body calendar off?? haven't got a hpt yet, i just keep thinking "its going to start tomorrow"