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9 Months Today!!
Hi everyone!! I'm proud to say today is my 9 month anniversary. My husband just asked me if I ever thought I would be sober for this long...I absolutely never thought I could be sober for even a solid week. I recall those very dark days and it sends a shiver down my spine to even contemplate going back to that. I have seen many people on here lately on their first few days...and I can literally feel their anguish...I remember those feelings so well and I wish I had some magic words to help these people because its a very low and dark place to be. All I CAN say is the rewards are completely worth what you are going through...the feeling of not counting pills like you have OCD, trying to find a doctor or a dealer in time to beat withdrawals, not being able to function at all with out a substance in your body...this ALL goes away. You're just happy with life again, and you are you again. It's just an awesome feeling of relief on a daily basis. One thing I have noticed, very recently, is the deep love and affection I have for my kids... I feel like a terrible person saying this but pills absolutely numbed my emotions so much for so long. I have always loved my kids, obviously, but now I feel it was sort of generic. I want everyday to make up for being so absent with them and in their most formative years. I have heard that it takes a year for your brain to really start healing...and I really feel that's what's starting to happen. I am truly returning to who I was...I am getting ME back and feeling real emotions again and it feels wonderful. I am just really struggling with what I put my kids and husband through. That wasn't me, that was pills and I have very deep regret the more it becomes clear to me. I am just so amazed at how I really can feel the difference as my brain is really healing now. Sorry for the length, just something that's been on my mind that no one else around me would understand. Thanks for reading!!!
9 months clean, Wow, that is so good, what a great accomplishment. Congratulations, so proud of you!!!!
Andie, did somebody already say you're the bomb diggity? oh, well then i'll say it again! yay!!!!! u rock! congrats!
Vicki and digger....thanks guys, Vicki.... That's just how I look at my "big bear" ( 6'5... 275). He is my strength and my love....I can't imagine life without him and I thank him often for sticking it out and believing in me. I can't say enough about him, he is truly the love of my life. All I can say is when my husband and I fell back in love again(sorry to sound sappy for all the guys out there lol) is when we dealt with all of the pent up emotions...hurt, anger, lying...it was ignored while I was using and laid on the table when the time was right. My husband saw that I was making a real effort to stay sober and he respected me for that so he opened up about what he was feeling and we were able to start over again...a fresh start. That's how it happened for me...i hope you can find this new beginning as well, it just feels great.
Awesome job on your 9 months clean, keep up the great work, well done my friend, truly well done, ;)
I don't see how something like this could go away quickly. I will most deffinalty let you know if you can be help or anything. One thing, how does someone make someone fall in love with them again:?
Girl I know just what you are talking about. I have been married 28years in Sept, and that should be my Year mark to. I look at my Husband sometimes and I am so so so so Blessed that he did not leave me..I put him through H**L with my Addiction, even way back in the 80s. Now I just Love him more for the strength he gives me and the courage he gives to help me more on. He is my Biggest Supporter and Protector. I always sing that song to him, "I Love You More Today Than Yesterday, But Not As Much As Tomorrow" It is awesome to fall in Love Again and even Stronger and Tighter then before. I wish you the Best Girl..Keep on Rocking..lol
Your welcome....I still feel guilt over my behavior while using.... It doesn't go away quickly. Best of luck to you, let me know if I can help in any way.... I really do feel for you.
I understand how it will be like this for some time. I do need to find ways to help her understand what it isn't to hurt her. I wish I could just tell her or point that out to her but that does not work. I do need to sit down with her and have her let everything out. I know it's allot of hurt and probably resentment. Everything to which I have caused and it kills me. I know I have done so much damage to my marriage. I have no doubt that I have. I do want to show her and communicate to her that I am going to and am coming clean off of this. And that she is my true love and I would do anything for her. I want for us to fall in love all over again. I can just imagine how wonderful of a feeling that it would be. I am making it my goal to come completely off of these nasty things and to repair and fix my mairriage and life and to help my wife and I fall in love again. Thank you again for your words of advise.
Vicki....thanks girl...I am on here more lately, I think it's good for my soul. And to helpmymarraige...she is going to feel like this for some time. And you have to allow her to express those feelings and work through them. It would be helpful if she knew more about addiction and to understand that this isn't happening to hurt her but luckily for her she doesn't so you have to help her understand. It's time to lay it on the table and get everyone's feelings out. My husband bottled his emotions up to the point we couldn't get along for months...and we don't fight so I was so confused about what was going on. I finally sat him down and told him to let it all out and we have been going up and up since them. You have done damage to your marriage and you have to own that, which I think you do. Communication, actions and time will do wonders if you are truly ready to quit and make your relationship right again. I have never experienced such strong feelings for my husband as when Sarah suggested falling in love all over again is a wonderful feeling, it truly is. Make that your goal and take charge of this...it can be done, and YOU can do it.
That's who I took my pills from as well. They knew about it but I lied about it. I am going to get and stay clean. My wife and my life deserve that. I am glad that you are where you are and I am so happy for your future not being on the dark pills. My wife often tells me that I must not love her or I wouldn't of done this. I wish she could understand more about it. I do love her more than anything. She told me that she didn't want to feel like this anymore. I told her that I didn't either. Then she told me that I was the one that made us feel like this, and I told her how bad I felt and how much it hurt me to have done this. She doesn't believe that either. I wish I could make her belive because it totally breaks my heart.
Hi Andie, 9 months wow it seems like we just started out not to long ago but Physically and Mentally we know better..Haha. I sure do miss you being out here. I remember when you left and some issues you where having, but I thought you would be back by now. I also can remember many, many months ago I would always read what you had to say. You are very inspiring and speak from the heart. No sugar coating and we need a few more like this.
I am so Proud of you and the Big changes I can feel that come from you. That is a blessing by it self..Keep it up Girl..
Bless
Vickie
I am so Proud of you and the Big changes I can feel that come from you. That is a blessing by it self..Keep it up Girl..
Bless
Vickie
That's totally ok to talk about you, that's what we're here for, to help each other. I did basically exactly what you have done, except I doctor shopped like crazy for a long time. I stole my mother in laws pain pills all the time, and she knew about it... I even had my husband do it but the only reason he did was to keep me from getting angry, he hated doing it. My husband also told me many times that I chose pills over him and my kids, I denied it and at the time I believed what I was saying.... But it was EXACTLY what I was doing, for 13 years. But I'm here to tell you that if she is still there, you have a wonderful wife. You need to SHOW her you love and appreciate her and show her how sorry you are by getting and staying clean. Have a heart to heart with her about what you said here...and start to make it right. I feel pretty stable with my husband now, he is very forgiving, but it took a lot of work to get there, and it was very worth it. If you ever want to speak to me just PM me anytime!! And thanks by the way...it really feels great...
9 MONTHS!!! That is so AWESOME!!! Congrats!!! I have been trying to get off of Tramadol for a month now. I have not done anything illegal to get the drug. I have used it from my fractured vertabrate and herniated disk in my back. I ended up getting addcited to it and relying on it. It got to the point I took pills from a loved one and lied about it. I lied to my wife and hid them from her because I was affraid of what she would do. I don't want the lies anymore and I just hope that I can repair what I have done in my marriage any my life. I know it's a hard road to get off of these and I want to do it for not only me but my marriage and my wife. I don't want to lie anymore. I'll find ways to deal with the pain, the OTC stuff didn't help. I am going to a pain management clinic next Friday and will go to groups. They told me to go to the pain management clinic first though. I don't want to ruin anything else. So far she has stayed with me and I just hope that she will continue to stay. I don't want to lose my wife, she's my best friend and my everything. She says that I chose the pills over her and that I must not care about her which is no where near true, it breaks my heart to hear her say that to me. I discontinued my prescription today at the pharmacy so I can't fall back onto that. I'm sorry I started to make this about myself. This is your day, I am proud of you and hooryay for improving your life. God Bless
I am completely humbled by all of your kind words. I truly would not be here today if not for all of you wonderful people....I thank you and my family thanks you for bringing me back to them....
That is wonderful!!!! Congrats on 9 months. I love seeing posts like this. It gives the rest of us that are earlier on in our recovery something to really look forward to. How inspiring to know that things just continue to get better and better!
HAPPY 9 MONTHS, ANDIE!!!!! What a miracle you are!
It's been such a joy to travel this recovery road with you. I SO OFTEN relate to what you share....mending relationships...new awakenings...crossing over one bridge to the next one....and actually feeling we are PRESENT in the moment now! Nothing better....even tho feeling "everything" can have its disadvantages...lol
I, too, have been doing A LOT of reflecting and remembering exactly where and what I was like last Summer. Whoa...was I a sick one...lol
But we are healing aren't we? You have a new, longed for job now, you are falling in love with your hubby all over again, your children delight you to the depths of your soul, and you are shining SO BRIGHT!!
Celebrating your joy with you....bless you, Andie~
It's been such a joy to travel this recovery road with you. I SO OFTEN relate to what you share....mending relationships...new awakenings...crossing over one bridge to the next one....and actually feeling we are PRESENT in the moment now! Nothing better....even tho feeling "everything" can have its disadvantages...lol
I, too, have been doing A LOT of reflecting and remembering exactly where and what I was like last Summer. Whoa...was I a sick one...lol
But we are healing aren't we? You have a new, longed for job now, you are falling in love with your hubby all over again, your children delight you to the depths of your soul, and you are shining SO BRIGHT!!
Celebrating your joy with you....bless you, Andie~
awesome post! Congrats, congrats, congrats! May each day be better than the last.
Thank you so much for your inspiring post, Andie. I want to offer you a heartfelt 'WELL DONE' on your impressive 9 mos. I related to so many things you said: about never believing you could be clean, past regrets & about rediscovering powerful new emotions (including love.) You've infused me with optimism this morning @ a time that I really need it. Thank you so much for sharing your marker with us. May you have a joyous day & may your hard work continue to yield you spiritual dividends in the months & years to come!
Congrats! That's amazing! You have such a gentle and honest way about you, your personality shines through in your posts...that doesn't happen with everyone.
Do something nice for yourself and be very proud! That's an amazing accomplishment!
Do something nice for yourself and be very proud! That's an amazing accomplishment!
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