210 Days clean and im gonna crack........

[bull172]

I am 210 days clean from a 6 year 120mg hydro habit, and im about to crack and start up again......

Here is why

I just lost my job, got stiffed out of $5,000, have no money for bills.....hate my life and dont know what to do

Oh did i mention i also gained 55lbs?

I JUST WANT TO POP A FEW YELLOWS AND MELLOW

[liscamdave]

These urges come and go. Have the strength to fight them and all will turn out well. I hope you are ok.

[dominosarah]

How are you today bull?

[broknbck]

what do we think when we see someone who is down and this bully walks up and kicks the hell outta him while he is down and makes it even worse?
yea- so care enough about yourself to not do that. you are worthy of that. and worthy of many good things to happen to you. lets stop concentrating on all the bummer stuff that has happened and start thinking about what you would like to happen next. you see the brick wall ahead. do you really want to hit it?
go ahead , get a good drunk on one nite. laugh about it, cry about it. but in the morning, you will feel like hell and that will be just a little reminder of how really awful you can be feeling if you keep cruising along to that wall.

so you do have a lot on your plate here that has happened. not a problem-  you have kicked the drugs. and was that not the hardest thing you ever did? this will be a piece of cake. just get your sights where you want them to be and keep pushing on. things will get better. they cannot get much worse- right. hah

[Shanna707]

Don't fall into that trap. You'll just be procrastinating dealing with your problems, and by the time you sober up you'll hate yourself and your problems will have only gotten worse. Concentrate on working on your problems in a constructive way and you'll be so much happier now an later. You've worked too hard to just give it up now.

[lilmike173]

wow bull! 210 days man thats the better part of a year friend. im new to this website and ive got to say that it is amazing that everyone is strangers(at least as far as i know not many if any at all know each other outisde forum) and yet there is such support and true careing for one another. man dont turn back to those lil pills of deciet. if it means anything to you you are an inspiration to me. to kno that someone can make it that long gives me the courage to attack my problem head on. please dont revert back to them. ig the extrs pounds are really getin ya down man hit the gym. nutrution is my major and i have a passion borderline addiciton( one of the very few good ones lol) to physical triaing ie wight trainin cardio all sorts of stuf and i sure youve heard it works wonders on a slew of things. if thats not your thing just go for lil walks and jogs round the hood and just start eatin a lil healthie man. i know theres no secret in there but it all works. good luck to you man ad please keep it up your an inspiration for many people including myself!

[moonshyne777]

210 days. Wow that's amazing. You sound depressed and rightfully so. I think you should talk to your doc but pls don't use deep down you know what it'll lead to. Think of your wife and beautiful kids. This is a hard time of year for all of us. Your not alone, I'm going through a lot of crap right now too. Trying to make a good Christmas for my kids and have the gas and hydro threatening to cut us off and to top it off my dog who I've had since a pup died suddenly last week.. When it rains it pours. Oh yeah and I'm carless right now , my van broke down... So you see there ate people going through lots of bs just like you. Hang in there and keep posting. I believe when one door shuts another opens. Hard to believe right now but this too shall pass. Stay strong and I'll be praying for you to stay strong and clean. I really admire how much clean time you have. Pls don't throw it away. I wish to God I had your strength.

[pharma9]

You have a better chance of getting a new job if you are clean and sober and the 55 lb will come off if you tackle that.Will you be getting unemployment benefits?Perhaps you could help your wife around the house if she works and stay busy helping her.Don't be down on yourself because it is not your fault and do not punish yourself by taking drugs.You still have to face the next day .You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself for a couple of days then snap out of it and be the man that you are.Be positive in your job hunt and you will find something and things will work out.JUST STAY CLEAN AND SOBER.

[CATUF]

There's no problem so big that drinking or using can't make it worse.

CATUF
1652

[10356]

Hi Bull.. alcohol is a depressant and you will wake up in the morning feeling even worse... You have spoke of your gambling a few times now.. they have gamblers anonymous.. You should Google it. loosing 3,000 and being stiffed on 5,000 only shows that there is a problem as it does not make sense to spend this money when you lost your Job.. Addictions come in all forms.. instead of moping and letting your brain just focus on getting high. get busy. up date your resume go on line spend your days looking around where you live get some news papers.. get pro active in finding a job. I understand being depressed and all but giving in to drugs is not a option. that would only take you down the path that will destroy what you have built in these 210 days.. as for the weight gain I think a man look good with a lil weight on him but if you are so unhappy with it start exercising in the morning change your diet. in other words take control of your life and do not let you addiction control you.. I wish you well.. lesa

[GA Guy]

Bull, you need to get into some sort of aftercare program soon. Find some support. You're 210 days clean but are cross addicting with other addictions. It takes some time to find out that taking pills is just a manifestation of our addictive minds. Unless you work on that part, your addiction will always talk you back into relapse. Find a counselor, NA or AA group, or another addict in some program and talk through this.

[gizzy32]

So your replacing pills with alcohol and gambling now? I know your going through a tough time right now, but this is going to make it so much worse. Don't give up, there is help out there, this is just going to make it worse. Cmon man, dig deep!

[bull172]

i just sat back and tried to relax and actually drank a whole bottle of merlot.....

Didnt even buzz me......

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Don't look back.. You've come toooo far... And a pill ain't gonna fix anything.. except your desire to want to take another one... then another.. then BAM... you're right back where you were 210 days ago...

Get out and get moving... stop moaping... If you fall off the wagon now... it will get you NOWHERE.. except back into your active addiction...
Stay strong my friend....
Too many people care about you to see you just give up....Life may not seem worth it right now.. but this too shall pass.. and be a heck of alot better if you don't use!  

[gizzy32]

Well the fact you posted says that deep down you dont' really want to use, you know how bad your gonna feel if you do and things will continue to spiral down worse. Drugs are not the answer, but in times like this, we justify why it's ok to use and it's so easy to talk ourselves into. We do have the choice to fight or give up and I hope you chose to fight through. I am sorry that you lost your job and the money, I would be craving too, no doubt, but you need a clear head to get through this. Are you willing to get any type of aftercare, N/A meetings are free. Gambling is not the answer either, I like to spend my $10 bucks on Sundays betting on NFL, but losing $3000 is scary. Please keep reaching out, we are here for you. This too shall pass.

210 days is amazing dude, so keep adding them up:)

[kolo13]

Oh god dude, that's bad. I am so sorry - although I can't imagine how kind words from a stranger could help you right now. I hate that there are casinos everywhere these days.

[Fisforfriends]

Listen using just like everyone has said already will only make things worse. Don't like what you weigh? GO TO A GYM. popping pills might make you skinny it will also make it harder to find a new job and deal with your current problems. I've told plenty of my friends working at mcdonalds even though it's not something that will sustain a life style it is ok for a "right now" job. Please stay strong we are all here to help you!!

[dominosarah]

Gambling wont solve a thing.  If that was meant to make us rich we would all be doing it.  Get up and get outside and do something.  Go for a walk with your wife.  Tell her how you are feeling.  If the extra weight is bothering you then walking will help take it off.  By the way i commend you on quitting that habit too!!  Sitting around will do nothing but make you more depressed.  Be pro active now.  Dont sit back and let the world swallow you up.

[kolo13]

Well if you're a useless lump of **** what does that make me. I'm sitting here admiring your clean time, and then you tell me you quit smoking at the same time you quit hydros!  I would gladly carry around that 55 pounds for you if I could have EVER been that strong.

[bull172]

I been so depressed all i do is moap around the house, i dont even look at my wife, and i also am ignoring my kids....

[bull172]

my company went bankrupt and i had $5,000 worth of commissions owed to me, that they "legally" can and have stiffed me on. This all happened a week ago

I been so depressed that i started gambing heavily and even lost $3000 !!!!

[dominosarah]

You are not a lump of anything bull......You are clean and you are strong.  Where is that fight?  We arent going to let you give up the ship now.........

[BornofOsiris]

hey man, not one pill is going to make things right. You have fought 210 days already brother please dont throw that away. You may have lost your job gained some weight but hey YOUR STILL CLEAN!!!! As addicts we need to learn how to live life again and deal with everyday life sober. You are just going to put yourself in a bigger hole then what you already are in if you start using again...you know this...have you tried calling somebody maybe talk? What about NA man, if i crave really bad i just go to a meeting and let it all out there. Please just dont use man, 210 days, a lot of people will look up to you for that. Be a inspiration and show us that even through hard times we dont ever have to use again. Much love

Dallas

[febninthgirl]

Hey I understand that life is really hard at times but using and throwing your clean time out will only make it harder. I just lost my brother to addiction and using was not an option for me. Just get a plan for your life and stick to it. I can a sure you using will only make it harder

[bull172]

i gained the weight bc i quit smoking the same day i quit hydro.....

i feel like a lump of useless ****......