Clean! Finally have the courage.

[shinieshoes]

Hi all! First I would like to introduce myself as the girl who "chased" the other person who asked a question yesterday. I would like to apologize for that. It was not my intention to chase anyone away I was just letting her know this wasn't a forum for finding out if one drug would affect her high with the other. That being said, here is my story. I was 10 years old when I first started doing drugs, pot, speed, cocaine.... I lied, stole from my parents and others. I was pretty much despicable from ages 10 to 14. At 14 I met my now husband of 8 years and he got me clean and back on track. when I was 15 my back started hurting and the Dr. put me on Hydrocodone for about a year. Shortly after my husband joined the military so I got a new Dr. that introduced me to Tramadol, the "wonder drug" that is not addicting whatsoever... Yeah right.. The "wonder drug" was not so wonderful after all. I ran out of my scrip early every month. Went through withdrawal every month. All the while my husband thinking that we were going to the ER every month because my back was just hurting really bad. He didn't know about the withdrawals. Finally after a year of lying to my hubby and having to call my mom and have her ship me some hydrocodone I decided I was finished. After many relapses and failed tapers and more lies to my husband I finally bit the bullet and went through the withdrawals(with the help of klonopin). It was awful. I will never do that again. I came on this site about 5 months ago after my son was born because the hospital gave me hydrocodone and even though I did not post, reading all of your stories helped me not go there again. So thank ya'll for that! Now I am dealing with my mom, dad, and sister all being addicted to narcotics. My mom has legitimate problems. My dad is a bipolar self medicater that has a pill pusher for a doc and actually gives them to him after he told him he needed them for energy. My sister started taking them for fun. Then took them through her whole pregnancy and is still taking them today and blaming the whole world for her problems. It's so hard because I can't help them because they don't wan't to quit.  So anyways, I have been clean aside from when I really needed them for surgery and what not. I only manage to stay clean after that because my hubby would dole them out to me. That is kind of degrading but hey, whatever works right. I have finally gotten up the courage to tell my shameful story because I received a very rude message yesterday from a member on here telling me not to post because I don't know anything about addiction so I should stick to what I know and not post on here. So that's my story folks I have been clean for about 2 years. No more constantly worrying about pills and lying to my husband. It took me a very long time to get my head straight and get over the body pains. After lots of Yoga and counseling I might add.  Now I am free! Except for the urges. I don't think those will ever go away. But I will take dealing with that instead of everything else. Since then God has blessed me with a very precious baby boy that I am thankful for every day! Sorry this is so long. I don't usually post because it's hard to type this much on my phone. Also I apologize again for chasing that person away. As I said earlier it was not my intention at all. Thanks again for all of ya'lls posts. They helped me tremendously!

[CRSeaside]

Dear Shinie. Errors happen. Please just forgive yourself & forget it. I'm so happy to read a story like yours. Two years into your new forever!!
  Congratulations. Your family will either stay the same or change. Make your world around your little boy your husband & some new friends. ( like us ! ) pamela

[ROSYouralright]

That is good that you did that :) live and learn... You can't beat yourself up over and over

[shinieshoes]

I messaged her and apologized. Y'all know what to look for I guess. I didn't see that she was reaching out until her second post.  Sorry again y'all. I really do feel awful. Hopefully she will reply.

[ROSYouralright]

I just read her post and she was reaching out! Alot of times"first posts" are like that... We never want someone to feel unwelcome or less than. Addiction is a very serious disease and people are dying everyday... Its just real important to not make people feel"less than." It's a tough lesson learned..
You will be able to help people with your addiction /recovery journey... Never forget the early days and where you came from.

[tigerlily75]

Well congrats on your clean time and for sharing your story!

[shinieshoes]

Thank you! Your posts have helped me a lot Rosy! From what I read it didn't sound like it. She spoke of using for recreation and it sounded like she wanted to know if it was safe to be on both and if it was affecting her high. I might have taken it out of context. I feel horrible about it though. I guess I should have added if she wanted help this place is awesome.

[ROSYouralright]

Was the person needing help tho?? Idk I didn't see the post... ? Alot of times we are confused and don't know what to say when we first come on here. Alot of the old timers know how to gently walk them through it. We have to be careful with our words

[ROSYouralright]

Congrats on your clean time... I know the frustration when you see someone looking here for info on how to intensify a buzz... Its sad.