I want off perks!

[Eebb26]

I have been taking perks for over a year. Abusing them for over 4-5 months. I have a family ad I am 34. Eceryhing is suffering because of my mood swings. I started to taper down a few days ago but it's hard and I cheat a little. I felt good web I confessed to my mom . I actually gave her daily bags w my pills to help me. I can't do cold turkey. I can't take off work, I have a baby and quite honestly I tab out a couple times and it was awful. I am so ashamed because I play the dr shopping card, lost my script game, bad cramps card. I started taking for 3 herniated discs ad then I just enjoyed the escape and my gather was very sick and I was depressed. When he died a few months ago, I just took enough to dull the pain, then more& more. Now I'm scared. My liver enzymes r slightly elevated and I know I need to stop but I'm so scared. Part of me thinks everyday that I will wale up b stronger. Every day I feel awful n guilty that I failed myself again. I just want my life back but I don't know if I'm string enough to go through this. I just an so angry I let this happen. When I was taking 1-2 a day , I knew I should of stopped! It would of been so easy then.

[Eebb26]

I Was going through 18-20 a day sometimes 15. The past few days I have t taken more then 12& that's taken willpower. They don't even get me buzzed anymore, just take te twinge off the back pain and make me feel normal. I can't even believe how everything that I have been feeling, everyone else has been too. Every night I sit up and panic and feel bad, sad and guilty. Every day I say I'm going to go at least 4-5 hours in between. I really want to but I know I can't do CT. Will the WD be bad if I wean slowly?

[steveies]

Yes, that feel good moment.  Lasted for hours at the start.  Last I dosed, I was up to 18-20 perks a day, functioning!  I was high off all those perks, maybe 1 hour total of time per day!  I was taking those 10mg perks to feel normal mostly.  Stopped after finishing my first and only script of oxycontin 40mg.  Went through 30 of those and 100 perks in about 7 days I think.  Stop now before it gets worse because it WILL get worse.

[Baker3336]

Well that feel good moment is kinda what most of us want but me personally couldn't take just 1 or 2 a night. It just escalates.

[Eebb26]

Thanks. Part of me thinks if I wean down enough, I cld stay on a couple pills a day like I use to. I use to look Fwd to putting the kids to bed and having that 'feel good! Moment. I really want to believe I'm strong enough but I've always been week w no wilpower. If I taper slowly, will my WD still as bad? No1 can seem to give a straight honest answer to that one. I don't want to go on suboxone.  I've read too many posts of that becoming addicting. How something addicting & bad can help you from addiction I don't understand. Thanks again

[Baker3336]

One other thing, don't keep kicking yourself. What's done is done. It's cool that you know you need to change and get better. Try not to be ashamed, it happens to the best of us. StY positive.. Check ya later..

[Baker3336]

Similar situation here. 37 yrs old married with children. Norcos were my DOC. Moody, staying up all night zinging, sleeping til 11. Just an a$$hole sometimes. Thought I had it under control when I would just take 1 or 2 a day. Escalated to 6-12 a day just to feel normal. I was a functional pill junkie but I knew I was ruining my life after a while. I quit pretty much cold turkey(one week taper) which sucked. You know it's gonna suck for a while but I can tell ya I'm 40 something days off them and it's pretty good. Bad days here and there but nothing like the first week. If ya can get through one week then you can handle anything. I feel like what I went through made me a stronger person overall. It can be done, there are so many success stories, you can be one of them. Stay positive and don't think about the future too much just be in the moment when u decide to quit. Read as many as these posts as you can. You'll learn alot. Some posts might scare ya but if ya think about it, a week or two in the grand scale of your life is not that big a deal.