Day 50 and still having bouts of anxiety :(

[duckandcover]

I'm on Day 50 clean from 40mg/day of Oxy (nibblrd on) over a year or more.  I went through a few weeks of EXTREME anxiety which eventually wore off to almost nothing.  Lately (last week or so) I'm getting those old anxious feelings again.  I can't think of a single possible outside source.  Life is improving.  My wife's situation is getting better with a fantastic new doctor we found for her.  She's a chronic pain sufferer on Methadone after lots of troubls of her own.  But the arrows are pointing up for me.  I should be doing great.

Instead I'm constantly battling the inner turmoil of mild depression and medium anxiety.  I guess my question is should I be asking myself which came first?  Was the opiat abuse a way to deal with anxiety or is the anxiety (at 50 days clean) still a symptom of withdrawl?  I've got a doctor who wants to put me on Lexapro but I want to live pill free as much as possible.  I'm just worried that I may be doing more long term harm than good by not addressing these new stresses.

Has anybody been here after being clean for this long and just eventually "gotten over it?"

[duckandcover]

Your comments are enormously helpful to me.  I can't thank you enough.

Well I just got back from a birthday party at Chuck E "freaking" Cheeses.  Tons of flashing lights, screaming kids.  The whole works.  That was a stupid thing to do with this much anxiety but I was commited and and no real choice.  I refuse to break any more promises to my daughter.  There's been too much of that already.  

I'm not cracking yet.

I've got 60 days coming soon on the 14'th.  2 days before my birthday.  I will hang on till then with the absolute minimum of xanex to help cope (never more than a 0.5/day) and see how it goes after that.  If I'm still mood swinging after that then I'll call my doctor and get on Lexapro for a while.  I've heard enough good things about it from people on here that I believe it will help.  But I'll tough it out a while longer and look for improvement.

I'm also going to hit the health food store and get every herbal that might help first.  Is there anything other than whats in the Thomas recipe to try?

I'm not an overly religious person but God bless everyone on this board for all their help.

[mommy52713]

sorry my brother also clean now over 2 years had to get on lexiepro also it did him wonders it never made me feel clouded.

[mommy52713]

I was in the same boat as you i was taking 240 mils of oc's a day for over a year and quit cold turkey. the depression was off the charts along with the anziety. I thought i would die but nope im still here . I went to my doc and got on the lexiepro i had to it helped so much i didn't stay on it forever just long enough to feel better i have always suffered from depression and anziety and also ask myself why i started using please dont be ashamed to get help for your problem  if you need to talk just write me keep strong holly

[whathefu_k]

Hi. We had the same DOC, mg, time period, everything. I have some of the same feelings now! I don't remember having this anxiety before the OC- so I figure it has to be a prolonged WD effect. That being the case, it will have to go away eventually.
I would definitely not get on a SSRI if you don't have to. You've done so good- and your mind has got to be clearing up- then bam- you'll cloud it all up again. Also, lexapro is very strong. I don't think it will make you happy. Today is day 42 clean for me, so we're in about the same spot now. You hang in there and I will too.



  



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[Flutterby111]

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel.....isn't it just horrible?  I'm trying to deal with the rollercoaster!!!!!  Vent away!!!!!  Try rythmic breathing..I know I should practice what I preach....

[duckandcover]

This morning is just terrible.  I have to go to a birthday party in an hour for a friend of my 6 year old daughter.  I feel like.... it's hard to explain.... all my thoughts are negative.  I'm very irritable.  I'm loaded with tension.  I'm going to take a xanax (.25) and hope it takes the edge off.  Sleep has really sucked for me lately also.  I'm getting convinced that this is some depression mixed in with/contributing to the anxiety.  I just wish I could relax.  The "tightness" is even creeping back in to my chest a bit.  

DAMMIT I thought this was behind me more than a week ago...  Being alone with my own thoughts is the worst part of it.  If I can keep distracted it's not too bad but when I dwell my mind goes right to the negative.  I'm holding it in for the my family (it's a beautiful day here and I don't want to ruin it for them).  I want t just start screaming but I don't even know why....

More punishment for my past stupidity... GRRRrrr...

[bladerunnerb]

I've taken Paxil, Effexor, and Zoloft (medicine from hell...my opinion).  You WILL have some minor side effects from the Lexapro (such as RLS...unfortunately).  But, it should pass or be minimal after the first week.  Lexapro is more targeted than some of the other SSRI's.  I didn't want to take it either.  Most people have to try a few SSRI's to get the right one...but TRUST ME start with Lexapro...I can't believe how well it worked.  My best friend was on Effexor...and it was terrible..he switched to Lexapro and it was and is great for him, too.

Now, having said all that...I'm not sure starting an SSRI and going through withdrawal at the same time is a good thing...never done it that way, and probably wouldn't want to.  But, if you think it's time for the Lexapro...the sooner you start, the better.  They wean you onto it the first week up to 10mg.  I've been there for several months and it has really worked for me.  I'm also convinced it's taken the anxiety off of my withdrawals (I'm on day 3 cold turkey).

[duckandcover]

Well I took a single (.25) xanax today and got some stress relief but also got sleepy.  I am a real benzo lightweight.  I don't see these as a all that practical a solution.

  I had an appointment with my GP during my detox and didn't tell him about my addiction (there really was a good reason NOT to).  I went there for the anxiety more than anything.  This is when he gave the the xanax script but he also suggested Lexapro for longer term management.  I'm going to go a while more I think and see how it goes.  If I don't feel that I'm "healing" on my own then I'll make the call on it.

I've heard surprisingly positive things about Lexapro here, from a community that is very skeptical about these things.

Thanks!

[bladerunnerb]

My experience has been great with Lexapro.  I take it for anxiety.  I would sometimes have panic attacks before meetings and such or just have that nervous out of your body feeling.  Remember, with any SSRI, it will take 4-6 weeks for the full effect.  However, Lexapro started working REALLY well within a week for me and I felt like a new person.  I'm still on it, (10mg) and don't plan on going off.  I have no side effects, other than delayed orgasm and sometimes I use a cialis, which helps.

Don't be afraid to talk to your Dr. about it.  It's done wonders for me.  It isn't going to work right away, and the Dr. gave me some benzo's to use for the first week (very sparingly).

[road2recovery]

yes i think it is paws also...congrats on your clean time...I have been taking lexapro for a while, but only 10 mgs, but during detox and after i uped it to 20, that is the dose u are suppose to take...FOR me it saved my butt from all the depression, anxiety....But i am only talking about my experience.....
Good luck and hang in there
r2r

[Firefaery1023]

I would go and talk to your doctor.  You probably have a medical reason to why you still have anxiety.  I know that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD and if I didn't get on the Prozac I wouldn't be doing as well as I am right now.  I feel great and it has only been a week for me, but like I said I am on Prozac and have been for a month.  You might want to talk to your doctor to see if you have some underlying problem.  Most people that abuse drugs do.

[worried878]

Thanks...I really do appreciate the days I feel mentally good....I try to focus on those days and forget the bad ones...I am battling it...I do feel anxious too...but mostly tired alot...I have also gotten sick twice since i quit...the flu then food poisoning...I want to feel good again...most of the time anyway...every day is not a good day and I know that...

[duckandcover]

Thanks for posting that.  In a really strange way it's a big help to me to know that this is a "normal" thing to be happening to me at this point.  don't get me wrong, it still stinks but at least it's part of the process.

And a big Congrats on a Month.  Stay with it!

[worried878]

I am a month clean and feel up and down at this time....some good days...some down days...mine is more depression than anxiety tho...i call them doomers...It is getting better tho with more good than bad days...I had a crying jag just last week...guess we gotta hang and wait

[duckandcover]

The strange part for me was that after the initial bouts I had what seemed like a slow climb back up to being my "old self".  I've actually approached this as a "new beginning"". I have been eating very sensibly.   I've lost some weight and am getting "some" excercise especially on weekends.  I've even totally eliminated caffine although this was prompted mostly by it adding to my anxiety in the first place. But I honestly feel better without it now.

I feel like I'm on a healthy path and I really was in a good level emotional place.  But I guess there's really no escaping the cycles involved with your brain resetting itself over time.  Clawing it's way back out.

I'll start taking some fast paced walks and hit the health food store.  I have some mild xanax (.25) that my dr gave me but the thought of taking more pills just makes me want to puke.  Sorry for that description but it's how I feel...

Thanks for the reminder about PAWS.  

[GoingToMakeIt]

It wasn't until just recently that I felt my mood actually improving! 97 days clean.
This is very common. Depression is real. Take things to fight it. Also exercise does help. It releases endorphins, vital for mood. The first day of exercise stimulates endorphins to be produced that night between 2-4 AM. So the first day may not feel good, the second day's exercise releases those endorphins.

[GoingToMakeIt]

It is called PAWS. Read about it in Greatgreebo journals. She's in my friends.
That is why we stress taking vitamins, supplements AND amino acids!!!!! (if not on anti depressants)
Amino acids are to help with mood and energy. Try SamE 400mg for mood.