Is this what I got clean for" hooray, not"

[Beccabeccalynn]

I have just over 11 months clean and have been experiancing terrible depression. I have been going to meetings. I feel bad I look bad I have no energy. I finally went to doctor and was started on effexor twice daily. So far only side effects and no benifits, can't sleep I feel like I have been on a long run and it brings up old feelings. Hearing people say snap out of it or just keep busy is making me feel more out of sorts if anyone knew that I just stare at the wall for hours. Just showering is a chore I take no pleasure in things nor do I seem angry  . . . Just
like with addiction I know I can't be the only  one  this has happened to has this happened to you? Or what do you make of this?
Becca

[swagger39]

Im very sorry I made this rude comment, I am going through a lot these past few days and felt as if not many people cared, I was selfish and lashing out. I just was wondering if you got my message about the fact that we were both living in the same area at one time and thought you may have commented on it, but im not sweatin it, hope you can forgive me for my thoughtlessness.

[swagger39]

Please disragard my above post, Im not responding to you anymore!

[vicki595]

Becca~ Keep posting and I,for one,promise to stay in touch.  Not gonna let you fall through any cracks...okay?      If I don't see a post,I'll send a note.

You just stay strong like you are...don't give up on the AD...I'm sure it will work for you.

Vicki  xo

[swagger39]

Im not on the same addiction as you however I am finding it very healthy just reaching out and connecting with others. I do appreciate your feedback last night to my problem and I am going to do it!  I sure wish I was in a position to give healthy advice but that will come in time. As for the mask thing I know a whole lot about, they used to call me rambo and rocky ( I did use to box ) another tough guy persona , man I had everyone fooled I was this big badass , but over time I just wanted to be me , and that is all part of the addictave personality. I see so many people both male and female with egos bigger than their brain, i used to be so full of myself at one point I thought I was Stallone now I just laugh about it.

[Beccabeccalynn]

Thanks I am glad I am back I am making a goal to post myself or respond to a post for the next week I would say month but that seems overwhelming right now. I really need to
stay connected so this is me reaching out please help me to not slip through the cracks. If you all only knew the tough gal personna that I use as a mask you would really laugh or maybe understand how desparate I am.
Becca

[gnarly_1]

HI Becca good to see you back...I wish it where on better terms though...im no stranger to depression ...I suffer bi/polar disorder and have had my share of lasting depressions there debilitating...effexor is just one of many meds they can treat it with but you have to give them time to work...if in 4 to 6 weeks your not feeling like your coming out of it tell your doctor its not working and you need to try a different med...I have been pritty fortunate to respond well to the med im on celexa... it is my magic bullet when depression hits..I hate the fact that I have to take something but it sure beets self medicating...something I did for years...try not to get to discouraged you will come out if this....I have a close friend that is an exmeth addict and know it can be pritty ruff with depression some times ...you can do this...you just have to get past this ruff patch...just know your not alone suffering with depression it can hit any one at any time your doing the right thing treating it I hope you start to feel better real soon good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    

[noodle2010]

I don't know if this makes any sense.. but when I try and quit my addiction I almost feel like I'm grieving from the loss of not having it... when it's been such a huge part of my life and thoughts and existence for so long.. it's like part of me is taken away and I have to relearn to live again. Just a thought... hope you are feeling better becca!!!!

[vicki595]

Hey Becca~  Sorry to read this...You are certainly strong to keep pushing through !!!

On a good note,I've known several people who have had good luck/experience with Effexor. Give it a little more time.  You'll hear pros and cons about everything...but mostly these meds help.

Good luck Sweetie!!

Vicki

[Beccabeccalynn]

Hi guys it's good to know that I am not alone. In the spirit of rigorus honesty I have to tell you that I am a crystal meth addict and not a pill addict( pills just make me puke one vicodin and I puke for hours on end) having said that if pills did anything for me I would no doubt be struggling with an opiate addiction as well. Knock on wood. I do believe that addiction is addiction any way you slice it and that one is the same as anouther. It's the way our brains react that creates the addict. Just my opinion. I took a midnight walk last night and felt good about it. I slept some also which was nice. I wish there was a switch that I could flip like a circut breaker. That's how I feel like I blew all the fuses in my breaker box. Becca

[LeaAnn807]

Hi Becca!  I'm really sorry you are feeling this way, but congrats on your clean time.  I remember one of the times that I quit pills for a couple of years, I never got the feeling that I have now after just over 3 months.  The whole time I was just existing.  I guess, looking back, I was depressed.  That had to be it.  This time around, I went to my doc, and he started me on Prozac.  I have been on it for a couple of months, and I feel so much better.  My life is nowhere near perfect, but I can manage.  I don't feel sad or bored or no energy like I did for that 2 years before.  

It does take any AD a while to work, but you may need another one.  I'd give it a little bit more time.  I commend you on not going back to pills over this.  You obviously feel bad, and that is a time when it's easy to go backwards and get on pills to "feel better!"  I'm telling you that that is not the answer though!  It will just make things worse.  And you will have disappointment in yourself.  That does NOT feel good!

Good luck sweetie.  Give it a little longer!!!

Hugs
Lea Ann

[Dav125]

Your peception about there having to be someone else that has experienced what your feeling is correct. I'm fighting with some of the same. Everything is a chore. I've had spells in the past but something always came along and would snap me out of the abyss and I'd be off and running again. This time though I can't seem to shake it. Part of the problems with going thru my meds too fast is due to it. Just wanting relief.. I've been dealing with it for over a year and can't seem to figure out what the root cause might be.I began to suspect the meds but here you are well well detached from them and still fighting with it. Yeah, got some stress working on me but I've been able to deal with that in the past . I use the analogy of "I feel like I need to stick my finger in a 220 socket" when I've discussed it with my doctor in the past because nothing else is helping.  Back maybe a year ago my doctor gave me some cymbalta to try as that is suppose to be the latest greatest wonder drug for this. Naught! After a month I tossed those things. The side effects were causing me more confusion along with getting these brain zaps. I then found a site similar to this one and low and behold started reading horror stories about wd's from that stuff. To the extent that people have grouped together in an effort to sue thte pharacutical company for not emphasizing the very real wd's that this medicine can put a person thru if not tapered properly. There were no warnings or roadmap for doctors..Now they do have that warning in very BIG letters..Hence, after reading some of that and being able to attach my symtoms directly to those statements,, I tossed them and glad I did. So in your quest to find relief be very wary of cymbalta should it become an option. And btw, you hit a nerve with me on taking showers. I know exactly what your conveying there. When I started noticing that, I knew I got something crazy going on here. Then I began to notice how there were many things that I use to find enjoyment in that were doing nothing for me anymore. Like this "I could care less" atittude..Whenever you find something that appears to help you ,please let me know..And on the flip side of that, I'll do the same for you. I'm post surgery at present and have the issue of getting away from the meds coming up in the not so distant future which I've already discussed with my doctor. Next time I see him though I will be bringing this other subject up again as I've reached a point something has got to give in that regard as well. Wishing you the best in finding some relief..David

ps: Sway, what happens is you reach a point that "getting out of your head" doesn't work anymore. It gets so strong that a person can't mask it with fake feel good activities. It does block it momentararly and in the past use to be enough for me to get a second win which would have me off and running again, but this time can't seem to break the barrier..I'm now beginning to focus on whether or not this can be attributed to some sort of chemical imbalance. Problem there is there doesn't seem to be any way to pin something like that down. Just a guessing game of try this med, try that med, etc. That thought in itself is depressing...

[sway1]

can you force yourself to get out of your own head for a while? helping others is a great way to see that your problems maybe aren't as bad as they seem. you've been going to meetings. are you doing any step work? do you have a higher power? perhaps some praying would help. good luck!

[Beccabeccalynn]

Being on the forum and reading and supporting others makes me feel at least a bit useful. How did I get into such a deep dark pit?

[Beccabeccalynn]

I started to deal with some PTSD stuff that I have stuffed for years only for my counslor to tell me that she isn't qualified to deal with it and that I need a specialist. So the lid has been pulled off of this can a worms and I am having to wait for an appointment with a specialist.  Plus I moved into my own place and the lonlieness is devestating, plus my not so great boyfriend of seven years got a new girlfriend of only twenty two, guess he forgot to tell me. Had to find out the hard way. Plus I can't find a job but in my condition it is no wonder. I don't like being helpless and I don't like feeling weak. I have walked through alot and don't understand why this is kicking my butt
becca

[noodle2010]

Are you having major stress in your life?  Are you in therapy or anything?  Did you have depression when you were using?  I know it's difficult when you are in the depression to pinpoint the reason. But there usually is a reason for depression if you can figure it out. i do SO hope you feel better :)

[Beccabeccalynn]

I really thought that at 11 months I would be feeling that life is great and could see what all my hard work is for. I know how I can feel better right now but of course using and a relapse would just bum me out more I think
becca

[noodle2010]

Yep.. great info avisg.. everyone *IS* different. But you shouldn't have to suffer becca :( I think it's worth looking into another med *IF* - like avisg said - that in a month or so you don't see a change. Who knows. maybe it will work for you and that would be awesome!

[noodle2010]

that's awesome! I think I'm going to try the abilify also. I've liked zoloft but I think the extra boost of anything is helpful for anyone in recovery from addiction!

[avisg]

effexor works great for some people doesn't work of others. However it take a few weeks for any antidepressant to start working give it at least three weeks to a month then if it does not work have your doctor try something else diffrent people react differently to diffrent antidepressants sometimes it takes trying a few to find the one that works the best for you . for me wellburtirn worked the best but as I said everyone is diffrent .

Congrats on you clean time its great give your body sometime to adjust to the antidepressants better days are coming ..
avis

[lady67]

I was already taking prozac and my rehab doctor put me on abilify also.  I have done amazingly well on this combo.  i feel like a new person

[noodle2010]

well see that's the thing.. I was still on vicodin at the time. So maybe that makes a difference!? Maybe someone else here has a better insight as far as that goes? I just know effexor does not have a good reputation.. maybe check out the other forums on here like the anxiety or depression forums.. there may be some more info there. I hate to open a can of worms for you I just know the effexor made me feel awful.. like to the point I just didn't give a crap about anything! I was feeling so depressed and honestly to the point of being suicidal. It was crazy. That's just not me. That is exactly what I read when I researched the drug after my issues. Lots of people suicidal and even some deaths :(
Do you have a psychiatrist? They maybe can add abilify.. I don't take it but have heard great things about it. Primary doctors usually only give you one psych med at a time.. like they did for me.. it just didn't work. But psychiatrists can give you more than one med to work together to get a better result. If you are that depressed still that is a concern. I would talk to a psych dr and see if they can tweak your meds so you don't feel so bad!

I hope you feel better!!!! In the meantime try and push yourself to get some exercise.. that helped me big time!

[Beccabeccalynn]

One week last Thursday was your depression before or after you got clean what did you hear bad about effexor

[noodle2010]

How long have you been on effoxor? From my experience this med just made me more depressed.. like to the extreme. I ended up going off and back onto zoloft after a month on effexor. I had done some research on effexor and found some awful things. This is just me but maybe another med would work better for you as well.. of course everyone is different.