gotta go.to second meeting

[ineedhelp29]

K well i just got off work and im goin hone.take a hot shower and make myself.go to another meeting......i keep haveing that voice in the back my mind trien to say"one wont hurt you wont be so depressed you will have mpre energy" f**k that i cant let myself give in i dont think i can handle another detox....im sure some of yall.have had worse but i cant do it again i kno ill end up.overdoseing again and i.dont think they can shock you back to life to many times i mean twice should have been enough right...i mean i kno im depressed but is it that bad to go thru this again???? Cant i just f**kin say no and stick to it....why the hell is thia so.hard....ive quit weed xanbars cough syurp coke x and eveything else i used and abused.....y the hell.does thos have to hold me down....i just want to be happy didnt think it was so much to.ask....wtf is wrong with m head...and. cant people that can tell you are going through hell.and back understamd and just leave you the f**k alone.....
Im sorry just had to get that out

[brokenspiritandsoul]

You got to vent to get it all out!  We have all been there!  At 112 days, my brain still thinks it can convince me to take just one. I already know that 1 isn't enough for me!  Some days I am taking it one minute at a time!  I know I can't do another withdrawal!  My body has had enough!  You don't need another overdose!  You have a daughter and friends that need you!  Go to your meeting and listen. If you feel like you are ready to talk then talk. If you can't talk then it is still ok!  You are kicking a$$ so give yourself a break!

[toothfairie]

Congrats for going to another meeting!!  that's what they are for....for when you are feeling like you are now....good for you for being proactive!!  Let us know how it goes!!

[Kbusymom]

Congrats on getting to meetings; hopefully you will relate to those sharing and talk to them after the meeting.  People there, just like on MH totally understand what you're going through.  
There's nothing like a meeting or face time with another addict to quiet those voices telling us to use.  Keep up the good work and stay strong.  We deserve better than a life being dictated by pills.  

[clean_in_ks]

Well good for you on the rant!  It's like a pressure relief valve when your radiator is about to explode, eh?  

You mentioned yesterday trying to go to the meeting a little early...and just hanging out around the coffee pot.  GOOD IDEA....and I'm gonna pray with all that is in me that God will put just the right person in your path tonight....one that you can share with about "that dang voice that keeps naggin you to "just take one" and you won't be depressed and you'll have energy".  BELIEVE ME......the voice will begin to quiet down "in time".  Every hour that you don't put a narcotic in your brain/body you are healing...and if you share with someone tonight about "that voice" you will get some tremendous feedback.  All addicts know and understand that damn voice!!!  WE DOOOOO!!!  Ignore it....and hit 90 meetings in 90 days.....if you od'd twice and lived to tell.......you NEED an hour a day of recovery and being in the presence of other recovering addicts.  We used A LOT more than an hour a day....going to one meeting a day isn't asking too much if we realize it's our life we're talking about.  I used almost every single waking hour (or every 2 hrs)......while in active addiction.  One hour a day is a commitment that you can keep.....and it will HELP you dig your way outta this hole....with others who have BIG SHOVELS....ready to dig with ya.  We usually find what we're looking for......look for healthy recovery models and you'll find them....PROMISE.....God bless you dear one~

[Pat1956100]

Good for you for venting.  I really do still scream at the pills and I have screamed on here a lot.
I don't know why quitting pills is so damn hard and why we put ourselves through it over and over again.  I guess we just have to be stronger than the pills and it's really hard when we are feeling so damn weak.

You are doing the right thing by going to meetings and reaching out for help this time.  It's just too hard to do alone.

Let us know how it went when you get home.  We really do care.
Hugs
Pat