LOSER

[tigerlily705]

Well. Not even sure what to say. As those of you here that may know me I was heading towards 2 months clean from all pain pills, and had a horrible tooth situation come up. I had a tooth that had cracked months ago, and a huge piece of it broke off and was causing me sooooo much pain right after I detoxed. So, I tried to just ignore the pain and take Ibuprofen800...I just kept thinking this was a cruel joke that I finally wanted off the pills so bad and finally got off them only to have a real painful situation come up. I finally caved and went to the dentist, just wanted the tooth pulled and figured I could handle it, well it ended up being so broke and decayed the tooth was just breaking into pieces and he had to keep pulling bits and pieces out, drilling and breaking pieces, it took 3 hours and he even had to put in stitches my gums were ripped so bad...but I remained strong and told him I only wanted Ibuprofen 800, he told me I was crazy, refused to even write it, but finally comprimised and said he would write both lortab and the Ibuprofen800. So, I just filled the Ibuprofen at first. But ummm Im such a loser because I could not stop thinking about obsessing about how those 15 pills were just right there at the pharmacy waiting for me. Then I rippped my stitches out when I tried to eat soup. And BOOM thats all it took I was right there filling the script and back to popping pills again. And then I got a refill. I still have 3 left, and my tooth hurts so bad I cant even see straight!!! But I am so tired of pills and what my life had become while taking them, and I feel like I was finally making it, I was being so strong and positive, getting into church, 3 kinds of therapy, taking antidepressants and vitamins, coming here and talking, excercising, and I Really thought I could do this. But I got tested and I FAILED faild miserably. And now Im so sad upset guilty pissed, and guess I have to go thru detox again and backtrack I feel like all my brain chemicals were finally getting back in order and I just threw them all out of whack again with more opiates. Maybe Im not strong enough I guess Ill just always be a weak willed junkie

[disFUNctional]

oops sorry wrong post...LOL

[disFUNctional]

It could be post partum depression too...I had that after my second baby!!  
Hang in there girl!!

[tigerlily705]

Hey everyone, just wanted to let anyone here know I was ok! I still havent used any more pain meds and my tooth is actually starting to feel better and so do I!!! Im not like 100 percent yet, I still feeel kinda blah and depressed...not sure if thats the withdrawal or just the mess my life is right now lol. Sooooo, either way just fighting thru it, still looking for a job, and then a car and place. Praying hard every day to just make it through! Love you guys here!

[atthebeach]

the LORD is able to do great and mighty things. reach up and grab HIS hand.
hun i am praying for you.you are not alone. please talk to us. we want to encourage you and find out if you have made any headway looking for housing or for a job. please keep the faith. the chains and bondage of addiction are falling off you in the name of JESUS.
sending hugs and prayers
debbie

[gnarly_1]

HEY ARE YOU OK???

[hiskidd]

Don't beat yourself up. Seriously. Stop this moment and don't again. You know what this reminds me of? My first ever script of Oxy. I wish the doc had said, "Take these for your 'I'm gonna pass out pain,' but don't take them twice a day every day. Once the pain is manageable, toss the pills so you don't get hooked."

So right now, if it's a taper, CT, whatever, I'd say what I wish my doc said to me to you. If you're dying in pain, you can't feel guilty. I remember going to the ER twice in two years for dehydration from the flu. I ached all over. Couldn't even keep water down. Those were the only two times I had Demmorall in my life and I needed it. I don't regret those at all, but it wasn't like they give out Demorrall scripts (Thank God!). So, keep your head up, be real about your pain level, and keep moving forward. You know your body, and you've succeeded before. If you don't give up, you'll never fail.