Last day on opiates... Beginning detox Friday~ need encouragement & advise please!

[Luckygirl05]

Today was my last day on opiates... As of tomorrow, Friday- my detox begins... I am so scared... Need any positive works anyone may have please!

[Luckygirl05]

I know I can do this but I want advise on how to handle the withdrawals that are sure to hit me like a slap in the face... I have had them plenty of times before but only for a few days max until I re-upped my supply. This time is different, I'm officially DONE with pills! My husband is kicking the monkey off his back too starting tomorrow. He will be at work and I will be at home with our boys. I can't just lay in bed all day, I have to get up and take care of them no matter how bad I am feeling! Hopefully this nightmare will end soon as I hope to be able to have a few cups of coffee to substitute over time and try to get back to a "normal" existance. I am realistic on my recovery and I know that good things come to those who wait. This is not going to simply "end" and I am well aware of that. It is the depressive state that I go into that really worries me and ultimately what ends up being my excuse to use pills again. This is a vicious circle. I think that will all the support I have received in the past week or so on this forum that I can make it through this. If you all can do it then so can I! Any positive words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. I will for sure be keeping everyone posted on my progress. Thank you so much in advance for all the support while I make this transition to my new, clean life! Much gratitude, Christina

[gnarly_1]

HI Christina im glad you posted ...I have been following your posts this week and im so happy your making the jump tomorrow...try not to let fear into the equation ..it is always worst in our minds then it actually is....this is 2/3 mental and 1/3 physical so go into it with a win win attitude it makes all the difference it sounds like you have been down this road b/4 so you kinda know what to expect...dont read anything into this every withdrawal is different get comfortable with the saying..."you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile" YOU CAN DO THIS it just takes some perseverance...you might want to check the right hand side of the screen for something called the thomas recipe it has some stuff that will make this a bit more comfortable to do...the best thing I found was a hot soak in the tub dont under estimate this therapy...if you can get out first thing in the morning get to walmart and pick up a 3 in one vitamin calcium/magnesium/zinc ...its only 6 bucks for 250 take 4 with breakfast and 4 with dinner this will lessen the severity of your withdrawals considerabley ...keep posting we will be here for you good luck on your journey ill stay in touch to try and help.....God bless.....Gnarly        

[jamajessie]

I want to be honest and realistic with you know everything seems so positive now. You still have the drugs in your system now. You and your husband are about to go through pure hell. With you and your husband both doing this at once. I'm afraid one of you will cave in. One of you will say I just can't take this any more and one of you will go get something to relieve your suffering. Then both of you will be in the same boat you were in.I hope your both thinking about outside treatment. Your telling yourself now that you can take care of the kids( I been where you are about to be before) but by the time get done running to the bathroom with the runs and vomiting your not going to be able to do anything. The only way that I can see you two possibly doing this is to be honest with everybody, get somebody to watch the kids and get into detox and treatment( do it for your kids). I want you to succeed and that is the best possible way.

[sway1]

i know you can get clean at home even with kids because i have done it. staying clean is  the hardest part and that's where aftercare comes in. are you planning on going to meetings? i would go to some before you get really sick and then start back up as soon as you begin to feel a bit human. every person there will understand and you can get phone numbers of people to call if you feel like caving in. i wasn't exactly comfy calling strangers i just met, but there is a bond there and it can help if you let it. peace, sway

[hurtininnc]

christina you will get alot of support here and you will need it you are getting ready to fight the battle of your life but it will be worth it for yourself and your husband and kids you are gonna have 4or5 real crappy days then it should start to get better just support each other keep posting and stay strong its a tuff battle but one you can win just keep telling yourself that your gonna beat this thing and i highly recomend that you use the thomas recipe to help you through this it will help repair the damage done to your body from the junk try to keep from freakin out and you guys can get through this together just make sure and tell your husband not to take anything personal over the next couple of days because you may say or do stuff thats out of the ordinary well keep posting we are all here for each other take care and God bless Craig

[LeaAnn807]

Christina, you just need to keep posting here, and stick to your plans.  You will feel bad for a few days, but when it is over you will be so glad you did it!  Just remember.....you won't need a pill for sleeping, relaxing, getting up in the morning, going to buy groceries, playing with kids or ANYTHING!  You may not feel great immediately, but it does happen.  

Be sure you have Imodium, advil, a good vitamin, gatorade or juice and plenty of comfy clothes.  Oh....and wash all of your towels!  You will be in the bath or shower a lot!!!  

Good luck!

[HenryS354]

It is imperative to know that attitude really is everything at this crucial point in your life.  

Use humour if need be, everytime my legs twitched, I had to laugh... at simply how ridiculous the whole concept was, I mean really?  Of course this was hard to do at night when I couldnt sleep....  But u get the idea.

Hot baths really help calm the RLS, along with the vitamins gnarly posted about.  I used them and followed some of his suggestions and am on day 9 of suboxone wd with no taper, and I feel great.  Not 100%, but I feel better.

There are going to be times you want to cave, or freak out, and you just might have some freak outs.  Cry, kick, scream, yell... whatever it takes.  You are entitled to look like a lunatic during this time.  :-)  Think of all the times we as addicts made ourselves look like a**** during our active addiction.

As for the depression, if thats a trigger for you, then address it.  Nothing wrong with a good antidepressant from the advice of your doc.  I personally am choosing to let the emotions flow and ride it out, as for me personally feeling the depression of the past 12 years will be a tool for my success in the future.

Just keep your chin up!  We all have faith in you.

HS

[Luckygirl05]

Thank you all so much for the advise. I got on an anti'depressant (celexa) back in Feb. and have been taking it. I knew that my time to quit was on the horizon and  I wanted to have the med. kick in before I tried to kick the habit. I also have xanax that I can take at night to hopefully help me to sleep while I w/d off these opiates.. I have had a script for them before and I don't abuse them at all. I think that I have used opiates to mask my depression in some ways. I think that my husband is my biggest advocate in this situation really.I am not worried about him caving and pulling me back in. We also have cut off our supply lines so it wouldn't be easy to obtain anyway. If he does cave I have to be strong enough to stick to my guns and stay clean. I know that this will not be easy. I have considered inpatient care but I do not have ins., and it is around 8,000 + dollars here. I am in counseling however and I think it is helping. I know that this will be "hell" it is already beginning. If I have to be down and out for 4-5 really hard days then so be it. My kids are not infants and they don't need as much as a baby does. I do have a friend on stand by if I need help with the boys and feel like I can't give them what they need. I basically expect it to be like I have the flu. That is how I have felt in the past. The boys may not have a fully functioning mom and that is clearly my own fault but if I can pull through this then after a few weeks they will get their real Mommy back and I think it is a necessary process for us to go through. I hear what ppl., are saying about this not being fair to the kids but I can't afford to pay cash to get myself into treatment at the moment. I have to give it a shot on my own, at home before I find it necessary to leave my family for a month. Please keep in mind that my husband has the same problems so it's not as easy as just sending me away to detox/recover and leaving the kids w/ him when he works full time. I do not have much family left. My mom is in prision and my dad, mother & father in law are living in other towns 3+ hours away from where I live. This is not an easy choice to make and I am sorry for the suffering that I have caused to my family. I have always thought that when I was taking pills that I was some kind of "supermom" and that I could accomplish so much more with them and I was always in a great mood. The reality of it all is that I am an addict now and when I would run out I was not capable of functioning because I got so depressed and my body ached from the w/d's. I am aware at how hard this is going to be but I am choosing to do it anyway. I have been praying that I can get through this and that my husband will too. My addiction is far greater than he even realizes. If either one of us wasn't involved with popping pills then we never would have taken it this far but it is easy to make excuses rather than to take action. He has been ready to quit for a while and it's more or less been me that manipulated him to get just a few more so I can clean the house, get out of bed, or take the kids to the park, etc. I can not make excuses for the past and for either my or Shawn's addiction- I can only tell you that I am REALLY going to try to make changes but I promise nothing...;Today is day 1 and  am starting to get an upset stomach... I barely made it out of bed today too, just knowing that I have nothing to fall back on to give me energy or motivate me makes me feel like it is impossible to live a normal life. I am just going to take it one day at a time and hopefully day 1 turns into 2, then 3, 7, 14 and so on! I am very hopeful and God is on my side too:) I am going to get a shower and try to get out to Walgreens to get some of the Thomas Recipe ingredients within a few hours. Then I will rent some movies for the boys and I and get some easy food to make. I have to let go of the guilt I feel for not being a normal/drug induced Mom that has tons of false energy to get through the day. This is me, for now anyway. I think it will take appx. 2 weeks for all the opiates to get out of my system. My doctor called in Tramadol to help wing me off the heavy opiates (Vic & Percocet) but after all I learned on here I am not going to pick up my prescription. I have taken it before and never had any problems with abusing it but it sounds like many other people have become addicted to Tram and I heard that the withdrawals from it are very severe... I definetly don't want to trade one addiction for another! I will be on here a lot, whenever I am feeling sick or blue. I think that it wasn't until I joined the forum and heard about so many other people's lives and stories about their addictions and recovery that I felt compelled to try it for myself. I don't want to live like this anymore. 3 years of taking pills everyday is WAY too long! God bless all of you for your help! Christina

[denverluv]

Good luck hon.

[jamajessie]

I feel so bad for you. I wish there was something I could do. It's a damn shame that when people are sick and have no insurance they can't get decent *** health care. You make sure that hubby helps you. I know he is going to be in a hell of a shape also. You know how some men are they cry about the tiniest  bit of pain. ( I tell mine all the time when he complains of some minor ache, If you had to have a baby you would be dead) Keep an eye on him make sure he is not sneaking any. You know us addicts will do anything. Don't try to be wonder woman either. Make sure he gets his share of responsibility with the kids. If the house gets messy leave it. Don't worry about little things like that just focus on you.

Don't you wish you could just take something and just sleep though the whole withdrawal? I know I did when I was going through it.

I'm really praying for you. I'm pray God to spare you and your husband of the withdrawals.


God Bless You and Good Luck

[Luckygirl05]

Thank you so very much for your nice words and advise! I am having a hard time right now just focusing on my recovery. I feel really sick and I am worthless as a mom or wife at the moment... I have to be ok with just looking out for myself for right now though. My kids will be fine, they just think that I am "sick" which I am. They are too young to know the truth, thankfully. I pray that they never get involved in this or any other drugs. My husband still gets up and goes to work everyday no matter how bad he is feeling. When he gets home he is great with the boys and helps me make dinner and pick up the house if necessary. I am very fortunate to have his support and for him to want me and him to make changes and lead a clean life. I will write again but for now I am going to attempt sleep, My skin is crawling and I keep getting jolts and involuntary movements. I never want to have to go through this ever again! Bless you all, Christina

[dominosarah]

I know you dont feel good right now but this wont last....You arent worthless at all.  You are very important to your family and to us.  Try and get some sleep tonight.  Let us know how you are feeling tomorrow.         sara

[gnarly_1]

HI  Christina  well I just missed you by 5 min and I hope you get some sleep...im writing this now to encourage you if it 3 am and you cant sleep to just hang in there....I noticed you mentioned God in your post....I got to tell you prayer is a powerful tool in doing this
I had to go thew 8 1/2mo of tapering off methadone and was in and out of withdrawals along the way...I dont think I could have done it without the help of God and prayer
he's all you got when it 3 am and your in the middle of withdrawals ...Jesus has much grace to give and he hears those that call out his name ...pray that he takes the wost of the withdrawals away....his word says he will never give us more then we can bear...if the twitching or the restless legs are going ...take a hot soak it goes a long way to help ..try to just take it one day at a time you may even find yourself doing it 1 hr at a time but stick it out...it will be so so worth it when it said and done...I will check on you in the morning good luck and God bless.....Gnarly

[mellie4]

You mentioned you were useless as a mom at the moment.  Well, those are the key words, "at the moment."  You are ill (as we all get at times.)  You're giving yourself and your kids the best gift you ever could.

For now, treat your symptoms, rest if you can.  (I'm not an addict but I have seen a close friend go through withdrawals, and it's awful.  And I started withdrawals myself when my prescription for chronic pain didn't come in the mail on time.  It was agony.)

You don't say how old your kids are, but using the TV as a babysitter is not the worst thing to do right now.  Take out is a great choice if you're not well enough to even make a simple meal.  (And cereal is fine for them to have for dinner.  It's fortified with vitamins.  Simple things like scrambled eggs, pancakes, etc., are great too, and maybe you'll even be able to keep it down.)

Try to get some good nutrition, tons of fluids and rest.  If you can get yourself to take a little walk, as hard as it is, it will help a bit.

Take your friend up on her offer to help with your kids.  If they're like my kids, they could be arguing with each other, and there's nothing worse than kids fighting when you don't feel good.  If your friend can get them out to burn some energy, that will help.  (Maybe she can take them for a sleepover when you're at your worst?)

I just wanted to wish you (and your husband) the best in getting off this stuff.  It definitely ruins lives.  Keep strong, if you have faith, pray (I find the rosary to be particularly comforting in times of stress ... something about the repetitiveness I think.)

You can do this!  And when it's over, you, your husband, and your beautiful children will all have the start of a brand new life.

[jstntime]

Congrats Christina!!!!

I hope you are coping well.  You have great advice above.  The only thing I have to add is DISTRACTION.  Do things that will keep your mind off the pills.  Lying in bed is the WORST thing you can do.

Get outside, build a puzzle, watch a movie, go shopping.....whatever it takes.  As Henry says.....try and laugh.  This needn't be done with a broken spirit.  Our minds have a way of "freaking us out" more than is warranted.  Don't stay alone, be social no MATTER how you may otherwise feel.  Being around others and distracting oneself will help you to steal minutes from the clock and get you closer to feeling better.

You are NOT worthless.  Would you consider yourself so if you became ill from something else???  Did you make a choice to become addicted to opiates???  Of course you did not.  The important thing is that you are doing something about it.

Keep writing here and others will continue to help you.  We all understand what you are dealing with.  

Hang in there Christina, you are on the right path and we are all pulling for you!!!!!

Goodluck and Godspeed,

bob

[refusingbondage]

Christina - (Nice name -- My name too!)

Listen You can SOO do this.. Your original post was very positive. You know what to expect and you know that its just a matter of DAYS to get yourself out of this physically.  You can so do this.  
Get yourself comfortable at home and yeah, you wont feel great but you can get through it.

When I detoxed I dont think my son or fiancee had a proper meal for a week.. But hey,  nothing wrong with cereal for dinner, PB&J, microwave dinners (GASP!! LOL) or order a pizza.. whatever you have to do to get by..

Its only a week - less than a week.  Think of how relieved you will feel this time next week and your through the worst of it.  

You have made mistakes and thats OK.  Everyone has. The best thing you can do for youself and your family is get clean and work a recovery program to stay clean.

You are NOT worthless.  You are fighting for your life and you can be victorious.  You are a good mom and a good wife and you are an addict.  That doesnt make you worthless.. It makes you sick and it means you must be strong and do everything that is necessary to get better.

Telling the kids you have the flu is a good cover.. Ive used it many times.. lol. So just get yourself as comfortabel as possible.. post on here.. Watch a movie.  Play online games.  Whatever you can do to make the time pass.. Hot showers or baths..as long as possible.. Do not understimate how comfortable a hot shower or bath can make you.. I spent hours each day just sitting at the bottom of the tub.. Its weird.. Its awful.  Its totally miserable BUT you can do it and make it through..and like Henry says.. laughter always helps.. try to stay postive.. so much of this is mental.  

Good luck to you and hubby!  God bless.

[ready2enjoylife]

You know that I have been following you for awhile, and I will continue to. I have been where you are sooo many times, and it's hard. But like you said it's like having the flu for a few days. you not gonna die going through withdrawals. If you were honestly sick with the flu, you would still have to care for the kids. So leaving them isn't an option for you, financially. And so what! Refusing to leave them, shows your strength. You know you can do this, and you will have moments when you feel like you can't, but those moments pass, just like this horrible sickness will as well. You and I sound alot alike, I have two boys that I had to care for many times coming off opiates. Also, tended to use the opiates to "cure" my depression. I have found that my depression isn't nearly as severe as I thought or have felt while using. In fact, I was more depressed while abusing. I am here, anytime you need to talk. Even if it's one on one, send me a message if need be:)

BTW how are you feeling so far. Care to share?

[ready2enjoylife]

Also, everyone is right about the hot baths. I never took anything like Xanax, but even though you say you dont abuse them, be VERY careful, that drug can really "attach" it's self to you. How long have you taken the Xanax, you will most likely have to wean off of it as well.

[Luckygirl05]

Well it's 8:30 am and I made it through the first night! I never meant to say that I was worthless, only that I feel worthless as a mom and wife right now because I am having to be selfish and put myself ahead of my family. I know that sounds bad but I think it rings true for this week anyway. Soon I will find that I can do things without opiates to mask my true feelings. I have been numb for so long and I thought I needed the pills to make it through my daily life. How wrong I was! Besides money the meds have taken away my will to even live a day without them. I never thought I would become so dependant on anything and I am tired of the guilt that hits me when I realize that this has gone on for so long... I will not leave my kids and I am going to make sure they are taken care of. If times get too hard I will call my friend to come help out. I stock piled on food and the kids surely know how to get in the fridge if they are hungry. BTW my boys are 8 1/2 and 4 next month. There are pictures of them on my profile if anyone wants to see my reasons for trying to get clean! I have had a housekeeping business for years and I usually have some girls that go do the jobs for me but I got a text from a great client last night that she broke her finger and wanted to know if I could come help her clean this morning. I have my almost 4 year old that is going to come along and play with her two little girls. I really wanted to say no but I said ok. I have to be there at 9:15. I think that no matter how I feel I need to do this to prove to myself that I can keep my business and clean without the extra "kick" I usually get from opiates. I am going to go and do the best job I can do:) I have to keep moving like someone said above " there is nothing worse than just laying in bed all day" and that I have to keep moving... I am trying, we'll see how it goes! Thanks for all the support you guys, I don't think I would be able to do this without all of you! I will write later to update you on how I am doing. I hope all of u are having a great morning, ttys. Much love, Christina

[Luckygirl05]

Oh and BTW, I have had my rx for xanax for over 4 month and out of the 20 I got I still have 6 left. I don't like downers- not my thing. I have been taking xanax off and on for 2+ years. I go months without taking any. I know it is a hard core drug but I do not abuse it at all. I just take it when my anxiety is so bad that I can't sleep at night.

[ready2enjoylife]

Sounds like your doing well, although things tend to really hit you at about the 3rd day or so. But yes keep moving!! Push through that pain, and the more you do the more tired you may become and that will make it easier to sleep at night. Me being a stay at home mom, limited many things I could do. I use to feel the same way about opiates, I could clean, cook, care for my kids do it all, but that QUICKLY faded, and as time went on I became tired, fatigued, and lethargic. I have more energy now without them. Although I tend to get pretty tired early, I am more motivated on getting things done.

You have the right frame of mind, to take this on. And I will be rooting for you all the way!! Let us all know how things went today at your job!

[gnarly_1]

HI glad to see you made it thew the first night....it ausum your getting out and working this will help take your mind off how you feel....hang in there you can do this it just going to take some perseverance....remember this is all  about attitude and yours rocks right now
keep it up...I will look for your post later on to see how your doing good luck and God bless ....Gnarly

[Luckygirl05]

Thanks guys, much appreciated and needed right now. My job went ok... Not great though. I didn't end up getting everything accomplished that I set out to do but it was a great distraction. I pushed my body and occupied my mind so I guess I accomplished my goal for today. Through the weekend I have both boys and I will have to figure out some plans to get us out of the house. I'm contimplating doing some garage saling in the am. I think that is something I always enjoy and my kids do too so as of now it is a plan:) I will write more later, trying to eat and have some family time for now. Have a great night to all of you! Thanks again for all supporting each other. I feel like this is my new, more understanding family! My husband is doing great too, thank goodness! My prayers are paying off! I feel blessed for each day we make it through without abusing pills... Good night, Christina

[jstntime]

Way to go Christina!!!

I'm so happy to hear you (both) are sticking this out.  You are wise to keep moving, yes get out of the house!!!  Having some fun with the kids will be a great reminder of one of the reasons you are doing this.

You have made a wise and courageous decision to change your circumstances and it's going to get easier soon.  

Hang in there and keep us posted on how you guys are doing.  One minute, hour, day at a time and soon you will feel better.  Short term pain for long term gain.  There is only one way to get the membership card for this club Christina and we are all thrilled you have decided to join!!!!!

Pulling for you guys!!!!

bob