Life's decisions and what they mean to those around us.

[MethMan]

I can't speak for others, but for me, years of methadone addiction and the disease helped me become a very selfish individual.
With every day getting better, it becomes clearer to me the vast amends I must make to family and friends alike.  Materialistic desires have but all vanished from my thoughts and are now being replaced with a desire to help repair emotional damage that I have caused without knowing until now.
The main benifactor of my relentless self pity and emotional wreckage was unfortunately my daughter as I was the only parent that was around to spend time with her. Mom was gone emotionally and physically most of the time so we went through life together.
Her undying love for her Dad and was shaken when after a car wreck, I was airlifted to the hospital and given Nubain.  Since I was an opiate addict, detox occurred almost immediately and I began to yell and move uncontrollably.  From the waiting room, my daughter heard me and ran back to see what the problem was only to encounter an ER doctor reviewing my chart and finally reading that I was on methadone.  When she asked what was wrong, he yelled, "Your Dad is nothing more than an Addict.". Even in as rough a shape as I was, I still remember her face.
Forgiveness is easily attained simply by asking but the emotional pain and suffering of those around us could take years to repair if at all.
Most of us here have found a way to get back our lives.  But what about those victims we left in our paths?  Do they not deserve the same dedication and time we spend on ourselves?

God Bless,
Mike

[southernbelle]

this is so sad.  i don't really know any of you at all, most of you don't remember me.  i'm just so sad at how this place has been the last couple of days.  what is going on?  what exactly are you guys arguing about?  like it or not, we are all in this together and we are all connected.  as fellow addicts, we need each other, we really do.  we need support and understanding.  it's just so sad.  i love you all and if anybody needs a sincere, understanding ear while dealing with their addiction, i am here. i'm here for anybody that needs it.  i wish everybody real peace and i hope things get easier and better in your struggle with addictions.

[Rex1]

MM,

Well I have been reading your recent posts and couldn't agree more. My question is "How?"

How does someone like me, with pretty much everything going positively, get into a hell like this, voluntarily, no less!

I think I have figured out that at the heart of the Hydro addiction was my seemingly unsolvable Anxiety problem, for which I have been working on for 15 years now. Well the Vicodin helps with that, as well as being a miracle drug for my bad back, but now I am in worse shape mentally than ever. And I would cope with any physcial pain if I could avoid the mental pain and anxiety that Vicodin has brought.

Anyway, thanks for you and all the others' help here. And in the next week, I am going to really need it, because I am about to launch phase 3, which will be cold turkey.

I know from the great folks here that day 1 through 5 will be hell, but, bring it on. Am on Thomas Recipe, exericse, lot's of fluids, ibuprofren, and lots of prayer=the best of all.

Any other advice would be most appreciated. Otherwise I will be firing all guns here to coincide with my time off of work next week, when I can Hot tub it and sleep frequently.

I would like to ask everyone to pray for me, as I will for you.

Rex

[suzieneedshelp]

Best wishes and prayers are with you!  It takes courage to do wut u are doing!  We are here for you!
Peace to your days!
Suzie

[southernbelle]

love to you -- i will be thinking of you.  i'll write down "rex" in my study pad in my daily devotional.  rex, you will be in my thoughts, sincerely.  don't give up -- stick to it.  it will be okay.  tell yourself it's only temporary and you will get through it.  one of the best things you did was take off from work, that will help so much.  it's impossible to do and try to work at all.  keep posting and let everybody know how you are doing.  love and peace to you.

[Rex1]

My weapons against addiction - hopefully in order of importance

* God and His amazing Grace (def - undeserved kindness)
* This forum and the amazing supportive people here
* My kids & wife, who want me to win
* Thomas Recipe - working already (Thanks Methman, Hippee)
* Positive self talk
* Hot tubs - hot showers
* Ibuprofren - 800mg - 3 per day
* A distracted mind - get my mind on something else!
* HOPE - The knowledge that while it may get worse, it will eventually get better
* Benzos for anxiety (part of Thomas Recipe) - approach w/ caution - don't want to trade prob 1 for prob 2
* Sleep, naps, daytime TV, the Bachelor, any show featuring Phil Donahue, Cspan1 or 2, line at the post office - all trigger fatigue!
* * God and His amazing Grace (def - undeserved kindness)

Anyone else, if you have any other advice before I flip the switch, please chime in.

I promise to post my results and offer any support I can give.

Counting down to freedom

Rex

[LizzyM]

Thanks you EVERYONE for the support.  I really had it bad today.  Thought I was having a nervous breakdown.  Anyway, I have NEVER felt as low as I did today?  My head was throbbing, pain in my lower back and front too..My Sis is here visiting for only 6 days and stayng with me as my guest and all I did was cry ALL day.  She said that's why she came..to help.  Then we went for a walk and right in front of my daughter was a HUGE Rattlesnake.  I screamed like a maniac and pulled my daughter away like I was some pyscho.  My sis and mom looked at me and said "what the hell are you doing"?  They didn't even see it laying right in front of them like 2 ft away.  Anyway, we are all ok..I won't go into the whole dtails..the damn thing turned out to be dead..someone put it there as a joke apparantly.  Probably got me on video screaming like a maniac.  Well, that really got my head throbbing.  Told my doc off for calling JUST now after I was told that he would call me during his lunch break.  Even my Mom, and husband called to tell the doc what was going on.  My head and lower back hurt so bad I was shaking in tears.  And I had to wait til 7PM for his phone call.  I realize that I am not his ONLY patient in this world, but I thought and my family thought that I was breaking down..I yelled at the doc and he told my husband to bring me in right away for a nice cockatail called Stadol..so here I am flying like a kite.  He couldn't think of any other ideas for pain with a migraine.  my husband of course listened to me ***** all day about my feelings and now he said and IS helping me get through this.  I REFUSE to have his mother EVER helpme again.  If you are wondering why, just read my other posts.  Anyway,  gotta go lay down as I feel as though I am spinning.  Hate this feeling..doc says that's all he will give me or can give me?  Gotta run..thanks for listening you guys/girls

Southernbelle, I will e-mail you tomorrow  Thanks