Live In Pain Or TRY to take painkillers as prescribed?

[moonshyne]

I kicked an oxycontin addiction a month ago. Went cold turkey and finally got off them, I was snorting between 40-60 mg a day. Well, here's the kicker. I was diagnosed with Spinal Stenosis last week (spinal stenosis is a very painful condition, basically my back is about 40 years older then I am. I'm only in my early 30's and the doctor said it's unusual for someone my age to have it but I do) He is sending me to a back specialist and starting me on physiotherapy. He also prescribed 20 mg of oxycontin to be taken 2 times a day. I am scared of becoming addicted to them again. Am I fooling myself if I think I can take it as prescribed? I've been thinking of giving the bottle to my grandmother who helped me through detox and let her dole them out to me. On the other hand I think I should see if i could, on my own, take it as prescribed.

Obviously my doctor does not know about my prior addiction. I tried to get him to give me only percocet (the lesser of the evils in my mind) but he said I'd need to take too many in a day to relieve the pain and that oxycontin makes it so you only need two pills a day. I don't know whether to flush them, try and take them as prescribed or give them to my grandmother to be in charge of giving them to me when I'm supposed to have them. Has anyone else encountered this and can give me some advice?

[imrprod]

I think that suboxone is a pain reliever but you don't get high...perhaps you could use this for your legitimate pain troubles.

[moonshyne777]

Ahh a walk down memory lane. If I only had actually flushed those little ******* I'd be better off right now.

Instead,true to addict form I took them. Orally at first then before long snorting them. Instead of 40-60 mgs I'm up to 100 mgs or so. You all warned me but I being too blind too see the truth thought I could take them responsibly.

I am ready to quit this bs. I just need to figure out the best way out of this. I want to find a place that helps addicted pain patients in southwest Ontario where I live.

[NautyOne]

First of all, you were snorting them!  You obviously not doing that for pain relief.  Spinal stenosis is a narrow vertebral canal I had it at the same age as you.  I did not start experiencing REAL PAIN until herniation and cord impingement.  I think oxy for stenosis is outrageous.  Now, nobody can tell determine how you feel pain, but degenerative disc disease, stenosis, and herniation is not uncommon.  We all have it to different degrees.  

I would really evaluate your pain and not feel that you have to take something because you have a "condition"  Maybe you can ask your doctor about Neurontin.  How well is this going over with your grandma?  I can't imagine she would be too happy even handing you out anything after watching you detox.  In my opinion, anyone who snorts pills has a serious addiction issue.

I hope you don't even try to take them.  I guarantee after one dose, you will be raiding grandma's house upside down scrambling for those pills.  It won't work.  I can almost guarantee it wont work....U are an addict.  Remember?

Whatever choice you make, I wish you the best.

Luv,
Nauty...............

[Cissy373]

I can only speak for myself, but I am happy that you flushed the pills. Every month when it's time to have mine refilled I tell myself I can take them only as prescribed, but I am just fooling myself!!!

I've been going through this every month for as long as I care to remember I get 90 (10/650) hydro's as I have RSD from numerous surgeries and there is no cure, I can't take NSAIDS, due to stomach bleeding, and am on Neurontin 600mg's...4 times a day. I use the 90 pills up in the first week to 10 days then I have no meds for the following 3 weeks so I put myself through these horrid WD's every month.

I can't go on like this.........I hate to think what it's doing to my body let alone my brain and I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!

Thanks for listening.

Cissy

[worried878]

i would be honest...narcotics were never marketed to treat long term pain due to tolerence..there r many other methods of pain releif...look into the...i am not sure how much emotional pain u expperiencd with ur addiction...mine wa sinificant..also a chronic painer..it can often be a loss of self to get pain control cos ur an addict..i wasnt willing to make that choice,,,we r all different...good luck and i hope u make the decision that works for u

[avisg]

Just try to think positive I thought I would never be able to control my pain without my pain killer but I did and found out how much better life was without them.Its going to take a while but you will get to that point to.I am so proud of you for flushing that's a BIG step.

[moonshyne]

Well, they're gone. I flushed them all and as soon as I did it I felt better, like a weight had been lifted. I feel good about my decision and I'm glad I did it. Thanks again for helping me, this site and the people here have been so helpful when I first detoxed off these things - and again now, when I was tempted to try and ''take them as prescribed''. I know that would have never happened. Now I have to try and get some non-narcotic pain relief. I know they probably won't work as well but I'll take ANY relief at this point! Spinal stenosis is a very painful condition but I have to find non habit forming ways of coping with the pain. I am looking forward to starting physio next week. I hope it helps.

[avisg]

Yeah if your doctor does not know then that you abuse meds thats major problem. I have two kids They have never threatened to take my children.They were happy I was getting myself help .dss does not like to take children away from there parents and will only do when there is a major chance of the children getting hurt.
There are other things that will help with your pain try zanazflex its a mucle relaxer works well for me .Time its self off the opiates the pain will dull on its own .you can find other ways to deal with the pain many many of us have chronic pain that's how we got here.My pain is not as bad now as it was when I took opeates for pain.

[sweetieneedshelp]

Now that you made your decision all you have to do is stick to it. Pain stinks, I know. Try to listen to your body, as best you can. If you feel like you need to sit, sit. If you feel like you need to lay down, lay down.
Did you flush them yet?
If so, good for you!
There are so many people that can't really be honest with themselves about their addictions. I know I don't know you, but I'm proud of you! You are being honest with yourself and making a decision that is good for you. So congtats!
Feel good and take personal pride in the fact that you are going to do what is best for you!

[123456m]

I remember you and was proud that you quit. All it takes is one you you will be back where you started from. You should never had the script filled that was the adddict talking not you and you know this. As another poster said you are not in full recovery it just been a month! There are many many non narcos you can take. Do not listen to that voice. You could very easy have told your doctor all you need to tell him no I can not take opiates because many years ago I did and got addcited to them. So what is he going to say when you tell him that!
ITs honest enough yet a very safe thing to say.
Hang in there as its not just you if I remember you have 2 little wonderful kids yes?
Peace

[moonshyne]

After reading everyone's responses, I am pretty sure you guys have confirmed what I already know in my heart - that I won't be able to take these and not get addicted. I am going to flush all of them and avoid a lot of problems. I will go back to the doctor and ask him for some anti-inflammatorys. We tried them before but I got minimal relief from them. The problem is that with spinal stenosis, it's the spine compressing the nerves so muscle relaxants, NSAIDS etc don't have much effect but I'll take a little relief over none at all. I'm also hoping that the physio helps, I start that next week. Thank you SO MUCH for your help.

[peaceinknowing]

I agree with you on what you said about taking the pills even as prescribed will get you addicted to them. I took my Percocet as prescribed to me, never taking a pill over at any time, and I got addicted AND dependant on them very easily.  Good advice!

[sweetieneedshelp]

Sweetie, only you know the answer to your question. Sounds crazy right!?!? What level of addiction do you have? Do you take the pille for fun? when you don't really need them? ect... If you had a bottle of pills in front of you right now, what would you do? Be honest with yourself and I think you will get your answers. If I were you I would give the pills to grandma. Remember that taking them "just as perscribed" can still get you addicted. I used a 3 day rule when I started on pain killers and I made it 4 years without getting addicted. I didn't take them for more than 3 days in a row. So when my pain was bad I'd usually go 3 days on, max, then 3 days or more off. If you make a plan like that and tell your grandma, you may be able to take them without getting physically addicted again. But if you have the disease of addiction, which I do not, then you may be constantly haunted with carvings, guilt, oth. emotional problems...
Only you know what goes on inside your own head.
Will it be worth it?
You have to answer that yourself.

[peaceinknowing]

I don't want to step on anyone's toes when I say this to you, but I agree with you 100% when you go about saying to everyone that sometimes it's just hard to be honest with your doctor when it comes to an addiction to medicines. It can cause problems for people in the long run, because I've seen it happen with so many people. Then again, I've seen on the forums where so many people have been sucessful when they've told their doctors the truth about a dependancy and/or addiction. I guess it's safe to say that it can go either way, but the truth in the long run WILL set you free.

I was honest with my PCP about my addiction and he ran the other way, leaving me to make the decision to flush the remainder of my pills down the toilet 16 days ago. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do, but I did do it and here I am happier than I have been in such a long time.

Even though I don't believe IBKleen has ever responded to any of my postings here on the forum, I have read a lot of the postings she has left for other people and I must say that she hits the nail on the head almost 110% of the time with advice she's given. Listen to what the members here have to say, and you'll be able to come up with the conclusion you know will best suit you in the long run; And always remember the following:

A good doctor will let the patient talk, this way they come up with their own diagnosis.

[tommm70]

You don't have to tell your doctor, but by not telling him, you are not giving yourself a chance to really be pain free. Admitting to a doctor you are an addict is not going to get you in trouble with the law. Whatever happened in your past, is just that, in the past. Your doctor can not, by law, report anything to anyone. And he would not want to. Good doctors want to help you. you will not get into any trouble.

I just gotta warn you, by not telling your doctor, you are giving yourself an option of where to get medication, and the disease will talk to you every day if it knows you have that option. Will power alone is not enough. I wish it were, I truly do. I am so sorry. Coming clean to those who can help is one of the most important things you can do.

You have many options, NSAIDS (non steroid anti inflammatories) which is something like Aleve. There are also some medications your doctor can give you.

You are fighting 2 battles here, one is addiction, and addiction can actually create pain in your mind that may or may not be real. (I am not saying you are not in real pain, I truly believe you are) But it might be made worse by the limbic system of your brain crying out for opiates.

As I always tell people. you are going to do what you are going to do, and only you can control that. The disease is cunning, and it will talk to you, and it will win if you let it.

Please tell your doctor, in the long run, I PROMISE you, you will feel good about the decision.
You sound like a strong person. The fact you are here, asking questions, tells us you so badly want to stop. The next step is up to you. And I wish you all the best.

[T_J_33]

I'm really happy for you, it's a hard decision. When a Dr tells you you need them for real pain, you feel like now you have a legitimate reason to use them, like a free pass. But you'll end up in a bad place again. An like you said, you don't want to go trough the pain of detox again. just remember that feeling when you are weak.
Hang in there, you can do it! Your babies need you!!!!!

[moonshyne]

I think I'll do that and hopefully get some meds that will work but aren't addictive. I know in my heart that I am an addict and thinking I can take these as prescribed is a joke. I'm only fooling myself and after the horrible detox I went through, I should stay as far away from opiates as I can.

[T_J_33]

Yeah there's lots of stuff, different anti-inflammatory meds and NSAIDS. Stuff you take daily and as needed. You can just tell your Dr that you don't want to take the Oxy's cause they make you sleepy or something and you want non-narcotic pin relief.

[moonshyne]

TJ_33, are there any non habit forming meds that would relieve the pain? I'm just terrified to say anything to the doctor. Like I said, I'm not in the US and where I live (Canada) the docs are very skittish about prescription drug abuse, particularly when there are kids involved. Plus he'd be pretty pissed at me for not telling him sooner and lying when he asked if I ever abused pain meds before..what a mess.

[williampmd]

Hey,
Just a tip about the percocet do not take them anymore they will be off the market this year Canada and U.S as with there was a  U.S vote and there were 7 votes to 3 to pull them off the market.  They are saying that percocets cause very bad damage to the liver.

As for your addiction to oxycontin just give them to your grandmother if you don't if you are like me the first day you have a problem you will take more to make your self feel better the after that...well you know what will happen.

I  started with just taking an oxys only when I was at a party and only on weekend then it was (I'll just take one today) then everyday I'm not sure what they cost in the U.S on the street but here in Toronto Canada I was paying $30.00 per 80ml. I was taking up to 5 a day.  I spent all my savings lost everything $25,000.  

And at one point I would take 5 of them and only get a high for maybe 1 hour...but I would still take them and at the end I was taking 5 or 4 just to feel normal no high at all.  I know you will need them now because of your back so try to think if you start to abuse them and your doc takes them away from you how much pain will you be in? try to think like that. Hope it works out for you.

Just my 2 cents  

William

[moonshyne]

Where I live people who abuse drugs, prescriptions or otherwise, get reported. I am not in the states and docs here are very anal. I am NOT telling my doctor anything. I think I will flush the pills and put up with the pain and pray that the physiotherapy I start next week will relieve some of this pain.

[IBKleen]

You don't have to fear the doctor, he will help you, not hurt you. Get honest with him and I think you will be very surprised by the result.

[T_J_33]

No one wants you to live in pain, that's not the answer. I have kids to and have had to tell Dr's about my problem. They can't do anything to cause you problems. I'm in the med field. They'll help you. Trust your doc, ask for help.

[moonshyne]

The reason why I have never told my doctor is that I have two babies and I don't want the doctor to know because he could cause huge problems for me. I think I might flush the script and live in pain. It ***** because I really do need something for pain but like you guys said, I am an addict and will almost certainly abuse them.