hope floats

[bama88]

Wow are there tons of newbies joining the new revolution of fighting addiction. I am so proud of anyone who for one minute one day can stop this awful cycle of pill popping. This is my year anniverisary of finding medhelp. I didn't come here clean. Or clearheaded. But this place was my firzt step. Just as many of you here come. My addiction grew to a monsterous level. At my worst I was taking upwards of 360 mgs of oxycontin. Six sixties a day. With some roxies thrown in there. I lived and breathed the high. And my life fell apart at the seams.
I used to justify my high wirh all my tragidies I saw in my life. My husband hit head on. My child got handicapped. I was a big selfish baby who had a big self pity problems. And my motto was if you had my life....you'd get high too.
Well....I don't think like that. I have to be strong to help all these people who are depending on me. But it took a year to change my thinking.
I am a ms patient on top of all this. With a knee replacement and another soon to come. That's another story tho.

I went to rehab twice. First time they couldn't work with me cause of pain from complications in knee. The second time I was ready. I wanted a safe place to get sick in. I was afraid of the withdrawls. I would get so so sick. I never made it thru the otherside. Not long. The depression tuat followed. The boredom. I've seen it all. Done that.

My addiction caused huge marrital problems followed by a self problem. Who am I now?? After eight years of running away from myself I didn't know who I was. My thirties were spent high. I woke up to a midlife crisis. Botox and hairdiye. How fun. And it is.
It takes a lot of work. meetings. counseling. support. you must be surronded by other people who have went thru this.

If your wondering I'm six months sober. I am bama I am in recovery. if I can do it.....what are you waiting on

[pepe77]

thanks

[keith600]

Great post and thank God for the "pill poppers". Believe me the revolution isnt new. Its been around for yrs and yrs, its just that no one cared when it was someone putting a needle in their arm or a crack pipe in their mouth. Those were just low lifes. Now with the epidemic of pain meds and places like med help people are realizing that addiction is addiction is addiction and I"m not the only father,mother,child,housewife (or husband),etc. etc, on the block with a problem. Regardless of the substance it just cant get better then people with the same problem,experiances and solutions working together.

[LeaAnn807]

ConGRATSSSSS!  I so remember you coming here.  I remember lots of folks, because I'm kinda an old person here, in MH terms!  I relate to the waking part.  I woke up.....my 20's were gone and half (over half) of my 30's.  Now, I've turned 40 in August, and I'm just happy to not have to spend my 40's the same way!  I've learned to never say never, but I don't "want" to ever go down that road again!  And I have that choice now, unlike when I was trapped in a cycle of taking pills and being sick.  I tried to get clean so many times that I don't even remember the number.  Hundreds probably.  Most of the time it was because I ran out of pills.  I finally got sick of it.  Thank the Lord!!  

Congrats again, Bama! I'm just glad you made it! : )

[bama88]

We consult on the 11th of Dec. Resend me your contact info in pm please. Ugh I'm nervous for her. They have to break thigh and lower leg. Yikes. But I've promised her some fancy cowboy boots when she wlks.

[Dane74]

No frowns on my face, my forehead is wrinkle free:-)  When is Ally's surgery?  You know  how to reach me if you need me:-) Hugs to you my friend. XO

[bama88]

I hear ya. I have to admitt Botox is a big part of my face now. I can't even frown if I want to.lol.

And the fact ally is headed for the BIG surgery keeps me in line. Instead of thowing rhe biggest pity party on planet earth I know she needs me more than ever. I don't want another bad memory of being high when she goes in for surgery. Who wants that

[Dane74]

OH sweet bama, its so good to hear from you, you sound amazing, I'm so proud of you!!!!  Girl, we took this journey together and man it was a he11 of a ride.  Oh the pity parties i threw for myself, that didn't get me anywhere but lost, here i am at  249 days clean and i am still fighting.  But i have to admit, i am loving the fact that i am clean and my family has ME back again:-)  

PS, that's my reward BOTOX!!!!

[bama88]

This journey takes a lot of work. It forces you to look deep inside of yourself. There's a common thread amongst addicts. I observed at many meetings. We are lacking something inside of ourselves. We don't feel comfortable in our own skins. We are trying to fill a void of something missing. Most of us don't feel self wodth. We don't feel worthy. We also don't feel like we fit in. We feel were misfits. And the euphoric feeling the pills give us.....makes us feel like we've found the answer we've been searching for. Or at least that's what pills did for me. I remember that feeling.....but its false. We don't need to chemically alter our personality. To feel acceptance self worth or love. We need to know we are worthy because we are. Were worth so much more than we give ourselves credit for.

Yes were different. We are all intelligent human beings. Were smarter than we know. Look at all the bs we've pulled off.....think about it.

We have big shiney bright personalities. People gravitate towards us. We've got something they want.

We've got huge expectations. Of ourselves and others. We hold ourselves to a higher standard. And because of that. Well.....the reverse happens. We loose all that we once valued so greatly.

The coolest thing I've found is support. All my friends and family were waiting for me to come back and join them. They missed me. Even when I didn't miss myself.

Please please make today your day to start valuing yourself. You matter.

[Pat1956100]

Congrats bama.
If you can do it, I can too.  

[Teresa1717]

Its people like you and posts like this that give me encouragement  and motivation everyday to stay clean! I lurked on this sight for a long time and use to see all the great things you would post to others and even the struggles you had! I am so happy to see you have made it through to the other side! :)

Congrats on 6 months!

[ImDONENoMore]

Right now I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, in a bad mood, and wondering why.  Now I just read your post and I feel better.

Thank you.