Aa
Losing Hope
I'm posting a new thread so you guys don't have to read all the way through the last one and I just REALLY REALLY need support right now. I woke up in terrible horrific pain this morning after my crazy weekend of work on my year end show. It filled me with joy and pride but absolutely ruined me physically. I woke up screaming and crying and my man gave me my morning dose of long acting hydro which didn't even touch my pain. Then I received a phone call from my surgeon's office with this news. Her father is having a medical crisis and she is leaving the country until mid-July. I have been holding on so hard waiting for our phone appointment on Friday which is now cancelled. I am beside myself. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. I still have no surgery date and now she is gone and I cannot even speak with her and tell her about the HELL I am going through. I am so scared, so upset, so worn down from this constant pain. Also I am afraid I am already developing hyperalgesia from the pain meds. I have been on daily doses of hydromorphone for 6 weeks now. I started at 4 mg and am now up to 16 mg as my pain and symptoms are increasing. Yes there is already dependence which scares the crap out of me. Now I've developed pain on my lower vertabrae that is so bad even my t-shirt touching it makes me wince. And my left hip bone feels like a knife is stabbing it all the time. I don't know if this pain is related to my endo pain or if it's something to do with the meds. Anyone have any ideas? WTH am I going to do??? I can't talk to her until the second week of July. I go next week to attend a pain management workshop and speak with a counsellor and pain physiotherapist. I just feel so hopeless right now. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I am trying to be positive but it's hard for me to understand how this can be happening. I know the Universe never gives you more than you can handle but I really don't feel like I can take this anymore. I don't know what to do. Please help.
Hang in there sweet Lulu! Hope these issues are resolved soon and you get some much needed relief. Keeping you in my prayers.
Praying for you Lulu! So sorry pain *****! And all this time you are still on here motivating us newbies?!?! Wow you are an incredible person! All that you are putting out into the universe will be back to heal you in no time! I am a firm believer in that! Stay strong and know that I am thinking of you! hugs
Lulu omg holy ****!!! I'm sooooo sorry sweet girl ! Ooh man I have really got to reevaluate my issues after reading this! Prayers and prayers and love light for you.
Ok update.
My crazy work weeks are officially over. Thank God because for the last 3 days I have woken up screaming in pain and am bleeding from my bowel. I feel like I have a butcher knife inserted in my cervix and broken glass in my uterus and bowel. I have lymph nodes the size of golf balls in my groin and can barely walk. I can barely eat and have not been sleeping. My lower vertebrae are so sore I cannot lay down, my left hip bone is so sore I cannot lay on it, my only option is sleeping on my right side with a pillow between my legs. It is 3 am. I just got home from work (a fundraiser for my new business expansion) I had to MC the event and spent so much time on stage just trying to look pretty and normal and like I wasn't falling to pieces (which I am)
I am going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss my escalating symptoms and pain control. My man is taking me and we are going to see if our doc is able to somehow communicate with the surgeon to get me in there quicker. I cannot go on like this.
I need some peace and a vacation from this pain.
Will update after doctor visit.
xo
Lu
My crazy work weeks are officially over. Thank God because for the last 3 days I have woken up screaming in pain and am bleeding from my bowel. I feel like I have a butcher knife inserted in my cervix and broken glass in my uterus and bowel. I have lymph nodes the size of golf balls in my groin and can barely walk. I can barely eat and have not been sleeping. My lower vertebrae are so sore I cannot lay down, my left hip bone is so sore I cannot lay on it, my only option is sleeping on my right side with a pillow between my legs. It is 3 am. I just got home from work (a fundraiser for my new business expansion) I had to MC the event and spent so much time on stage just trying to look pretty and normal and like I wasn't falling to pieces (which I am)
I am going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss my escalating symptoms and pain control. My man is taking me and we are going to see if our doc is able to somehow communicate with the surgeon to get me in there quicker. I cannot go on like this.
I need some peace and a vacation from this pain.
Will update after doctor visit.
xo
Lu
Thanks Tooter-
But really, don't feel bad about complaining about pain because you know what- pain is pain and it SUC*KS! It's all relative to our experience. I have a pretty high pain threshold due to all the inflammatory conditions I have but this endo pain just rocks me.
I woke up again this morning screaming. I have no idea how to dose myself properly with this long acting. You'd think an 'opiate expert' like myself would know but I swear to God after 3 years clean I've forgotten. Maybe I've blanked it out on purpose (:
Anyways, to update. I called the surgery. They are slammed due to my surgeon's emergency exit and I couldn't reach her nurse. I called my GP's office in tears and she is fitting me in on Friday. She should have the results from my scope and blood work and I need to talk to her about pain management (again) because what I'm doing clearly isn't working. Also, I will ask her to contact the surgeon's office on my behalf to let them know what kind of shape I am in. Perhaps this will aid in an expedited surgery date.
I go for a pain management seminar at the clinic next Thursday where I see a pain psychologist and physiotherapist- so hopefully this will give me some more non drug related tools to add to my arsenal. I also plan to swing by the OR booking desk and bawl my eyes out and beg for a surgery date. Perhaps this sounds dramatic but I am going to do WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO to get in there ASAP.
Plus, I know this may sound a little airy fairy to you guys but I have a friend who is very psychic. She tells me my surgery date will be July 15th. I am going to hold that in my minds eye and keep chanting it like a mantra. Heck, I'm wiling to try say do anything at this point.
Thanks again for all your love and support.
xo
Lu
But really, don't feel bad about complaining about pain because you know what- pain is pain and it SUC*KS! It's all relative to our experience. I have a pretty high pain threshold due to all the inflammatory conditions I have but this endo pain just rocks me.
I woke up again this morning screaming. I have no idea how to dose myself properly with this long acting. You'd think an 'opiate expert' like myself would know but I swear to God after 3 years clean I've forgotten. Maybe I've blanked it out on purpose (:
Anyways, to update. I called the surgery. They are slammed due to my surgeon's emergency exit and I couldn't reach her nurse. I called my GP's office in tears and she is fitting me in on Friday. She should have the results from my scope and blood work and I need to talk to her about pain management (again) because what I'm doing clearly isn't working. Also, I will ask her to contact the surgeon's office on my behalf to let them know what kind of shape I am in. Perhaps this will aid in an expedited surgery date.
I go for a pain management seminar at the clinic next Thursday where I see a pain psychologist and physiotherapist- so hopefully this will give me some more non drug related tools to add to my arsenal. I also plan to swing by the OR booking desk and bawl my eyes out and beg for a surgery date. Perhaps this sounds dramatic but I am going to do WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO to get in there ASAP.
Plus, I know this may sound a little airy fairy to you guys but I have a friend who is very psychic. She tells me my surgery date will be July 15th. I am going to hold that in my minds eye and keep chanting it like a mantra. Heck, I'm wiling to try say do anything at this point.
Thanks again for all your love and support.
xo
Lu
Lu I've been following your post and my heart brakes for you. I have back and leg pain that I thought was bad until I read your post. Please don't feel bad about taking the pain pills as needed. I really believe REALLLLY bad pain gone untreated can mess you up bad. Mine nearly drives me crazy. I try to stay busy to get my mind off it but my legs won't let me walk that much. Boy putting that on paper beside of yours makes me feel like a wimp! But i'm getting to old to go through all that. Hoping after my surgery next month I'll be on my way to healing and walking!! I'll keep you in my prayers for healing and that you have a baby real soon. God Bless
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