Madness

[toomanytimes]

I found this forum a couple of months ago when i was bound and determined to quit vicodin, and i was clean for a week or so, i really don't even remember now.  I am again very upset about my addiction, i am 49 years old and have been addicted to something or another most of my life.  I have 2 young sons and am single, the lack of energy really got me after a week and i went right back.   I need to quit so bad and am scared to try again, i am now getting vics, percs whatever i can find on the street-from friends, and it not only is going to destroy my life but is wearing so bad on my finances.  I used the thomas recipe when i tried a couple of months ago, but i just felt like i couldn't function. i'm at my wits end. Afraid and in pain and a nervous wreck-i am going to be searching again for pills tomorrow. I don't know what my question is but i need to stop this madness and needed to tell someone.

[toomanytimes]

thank you for that : )

[worried878]

yep...the head trip is what was hardest for me...first the anticipation of quitting and worrying about wds...then the realization that "this mental **** just does not just disappear cos i decided to quit" then the fatigue and depression that followed...i am like...this is enough to wear me out!   but then i look back and try to feel those feelings i had before i quit...shame, broke, depressed, like a loser, worrying about pill availability, scared to start a relationship or hiding my addiction when i was in one, stress over losing my job,....now that was really wearing me out not to mention worry my liver might explode on day!  neither is easy for sure....i will take being clean cos it will end one day if i keep trying to stay healthy...it is already so much better..I can actually go do something social without a pill...i can get up and go to work without a pill...I can go to the gym without a pill...i can feel pleasure again without a pill...getting there

[toomanytimes]

i already have been a ***** tonite just thinking about getting off these things. Sheesh its such a head trip too-the physical is bad enough...

[joann1975]

well said worried!

[worried878]

I dont know...i was scared of wds as well...i was pleasantly supprised as i had anticipated it to be worse than it was...lack of energy is a hard one i know...the alternative to not quitting...to continue using, was scarier for me

[ladyboop]

Sounds good, But if that were the case, Why do woman keep having babys??? Just thought I would put that out there..lol...lol...

[s10sittnondubs]

I kinow that temptation is a real b*$&#...i know...but just think about the options between being dependent on something that is doing nothing good for you.  God I know its hard especially if they are friends too, man I know.  All my friends back home are hooked now, even the ones who used to look down on me for it.  And I had to lose all that contact just to keep myself focused on one thing...my serentity.  I slipped after 9 months clean but I had just got done on my taper regimen on day 3 the supposedly worst day, I can't even bring myself to what I did those next 4 days.  I hate myself now but it has made me realize how strong I really am.  We can all do this, but it has to be together.  I feel like **** right now I'll say it, but I have my tools that you all have given me and I used them to my full advantage, I don't know what might happen tomorrow but it WILL be another day clean and trying to do whats right....sorry had to get it out for the day peeps, love all y'all.

[strugglingmomma]

I know what you are saying about the w/d.  THEY ARE HORRIBLE.  I am on day 5 and I still have a hard time.  But to be honest every day clean is hard but better.  I don't think I could go through the w/d again so I am hoping that will convince me to never go back.  Maybe thats why god makes it so hard when you quit so maybe people won't go back knowing it is that much of a struggle.  I hope you can do it.  

[fedup4now]

I get the scared thing - I've been throught CT with oxy, and the idea of doing it again scares the **** out of me.  I don't know if I have the will power to do the taper thing with the tramadol I am on, I am pretty sure once I start to feel terrible I will just take more.  Maybe a rehab centre might be the way to go.

[bobby139]

Oh hon, I am so sorry that your feeling this way. You have got to make up your mind to this. I know that you can do this. I know what you mean about the energy it sucks! Please try agian and this time dont leave us. Keep posting while your going threw it and even after to stay off of them.
I believe in you, you can do this.
hugs
bobby

[toomanytimes]

When i tried to quit a couple of months ago, i went to my dr and he put me on a taper schedule, i felt so bad i just chucked them and went CT. He gave me clonidine to help and i also used the Thomas recipe-i just caved when the energy issue got so bad.  I took days off of work and allowed myself to sleep alot - i feel so weak about it all - i'm ashamed and scared to try again.  I know i sound very whiney- i'm just scared.

[confused456]

Have you considered getting enough at one time to taper? There is ALWAYS hope!!!!!

[Mikeinthesouth]

You have to try to cut off your supply and I know how hard that is but I suggest you just do it think later. The withdrawals will be there but you can handle it. We are here and listening. Don't leave again. I believe in you. Mike