Aa
Mentally failed
Not really a question just going to vent. I am approaching 11 months clean from opiates and yet i am craving my beloved friend named "opiate"! By no means am i making any excuse to use as what i am going through is life but gosh darn it i miss and yearn my pills. PTSD is in full force, anxiety has sky rocketed, i cant sleep, bad dreams, cant focus the list goes on, i am trying my hardest to try to understand what i am going through but i am having a very difficult time, all i can think about is taking a pill. Does is it resolve anything? NOPE, but for a few hours i could have a clear head and some peace of mind. My mind will not shut off, the images and the intrusive thoughts are so overwhelming and constant, i keep reminding myself that this is temporary, this too shall pass, i have to make it to my 1 year mark, i cant blow it now like i did last time at 10 months. Mentally i have already failed i am very aware of this, my mind sure is playing with me big time and its doing everything in its power to set me up to fail. I am losing all control, i cant control my thoughts, my dreams, my thinking. I am so disconnected to myself:-(
In my opinion you most definitely have not failed mentally, because you have fought off the urge of taking one! Failing would be giving in to the mental games and relapsing. Just let me say this...I've got over 13 months clean, and I STILL think about them here n there, but I don't consider it a failure because I think of them...they were a big part of my life back then, and being able to say no is a mental success...just like you and your situation now!! Pat yourself on the back, and be positive about the situation you're in. Congrats on your clean time.
Dana- Is there someone close by to you that you can talk with right now? I hate that you're holding on to all of this and I know you don't want it! I'm always rooting for you and thinking about you...
Oh yeah...P.S. - After two years clean I still want them - special occasions, trips, everyday situations, sitting on my butt at home. You name it.
But so far I haven't given in. I made it real hard to get meds, plus my wife knows everything. I go to her when I'm feeling weak. So, it goes without saying that we talk a lot more now than we used to :)
K
But so far I haven't given in. I made it real hard to get meds, plus my wife knows everything. I go to her when I'm feeling weak. So, it goes without saying that we talk a lot more now than we used to :)
K
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You are one of the folks that I always looked to; your input was true and correct. Please stay strong, or at least, remember what waits for you IF you use.
K