My sobriety journal...support appreciated!

[OxyAddictLA]

Just a brief history of my addiction. Im 19 years old. I was given a percription for vicodin at age 17 and I began to seek it out on the street after my script ran out. I believed I needed it for my pain which had become worse..little did I know it was just withdrawal pain by that point. My doctor failed to inform me of this. He gave me tramadol for pain..which seems to get rid of the pain i had ( withdrawals ) and I used that for about 6 months before running out. I had leg cramps for a few weeks and that was about it. I didnt think much about much about it all after that. My life returned to normal. That is until I was introduced to oxycontin for recreational use. My use began to slowly increase until it was daily..I even resorted to using heroin for a few weeks. I was doing all that for about 6-8 months. I detoxed once at home ( which was awful ) and relapsed and began using again. This time I was using only about once or twice a week. The last month or so I have been using once every three days. It's more difficult than it ever was to resist cravings...but I dont wanna deal with any of this anymore. I have horrible anxiety due to the fear of relapsing over and over..and the cravings sometimes induce panic attacks because I feel so guilty about it all..and am just afraid. I KNOW that once Im atleast a week sober my mind with begin to feel better ( it has before ) But im having a really hard time dealing with these cravings. I get fairly mild withdrawals during the days between use..just leg cramps..a bit of the sweats..and anxiety! Im back at day 2 CT..but I just got a job finally..and I tend to avoid use much more when working..and Im taking a trip in two weeks..so I'm just focusing on making it till then so i can enjoy visiting family without being in WDs..fighting these awful cravings the best I can...deep down I know the future will be bright as long as I stick to this plan. Im taking clonozepam occasionally when I cant take the anxiety..and smoking some pot to relax and get my mind of the cravings..I will continue to post daily the best I can..and I would appreciate any support!! Im here for anyone who needs the support as well! ..I My legs are feeling pretty cramped..and im feeling fairly anxious..all in all..it's manageable..m going to smoke a bit and try to eat something.. Good luck to the rest of you as well..stay sober!

                                                 -Irie

[OxyAddictLA]

Yeah hot baths are great...I've found things that make me comfortable while im wd'ing. Like I said,.i was using every few days but often enough to feel wd's on the off days...but nothing like when I detoxed the H and oxy after weeks of binging..Im confident I can get through the wd's here on out..anxiety is tough..especially with the fear of relapse but Im gonna stay strong..im tired of this vicious circle. Thanks for the kind words. I wish the best to you all as well. Funny about the heating pad..i was too lazy to take a bath so I;'ve been using a heating pad on my legs for the last hour or two..I think I might actually get some sleep. I took two clonozepam and my anxiety is at bay and im feeling like i can get some sleep...tomorrow we'll see how im feeling on day 3. ..typically one of the toughest days..but im feeling hopefull. Take care people..goodnight.

-Irie

[10356]

Congratulations on the decision to get your life back, it might help to put a little distance between your party buddies and especially your connection and please stay away from the Heroin as it will quickly snatch you up. You are young and have a wonderfully full life awaiting you!! We are here for you and I look forward to your post it is always satisfying to see someone snatch their life back from the demon drugs. I wish you only the best and brightest future..

[confused456]

I agree!! Glad you are here and sticking around and yes hot baths, heating pads, warm rice in a sock...LOL....do what you must!! It works so much better than you can imagine!! Best of luck to you again!!

[kim715]

Welcome and congratulations on your decision to get clean.You will find alot of support and encouragement here as well as alot of suggestions to help with your w/d .Hot baths work wonders for those leg cramps and they help to lessen the anxiety too.Hang in there. Peace.

[confused456]

You can do this and go to "cathy4851" profile....she is a GREAT member here and in her journals there is a "cravings list" that I think may be handy for you!! So glad to see you are ready to get off that stuff!! Congrats!!! Glad to know you will be sticking around!!!! Wishing you all the best!!!