My story... Day 4

[JerseyItalian]

Me and my boy were washing persciptions, rewriting, and selling oxycodone 30mg's for SERIOUS profit. I bought myself a big gold chain and a REAL gucci watch. We truly were living the dream for two jersey boys who grew up lower middle class whose families could barely make ends meet. Our entire operation was turnkey, from the crooked pharmacists to how we were slingin the pills. Money was coming in and goin out real quick. I managed to keep it all together, meaning having a full time job in a local warehouse, going to night school for accounting full time, and maintaining a fantastic relationship with my girl, all while running the local beach towns drug market. I started as a regular *** whiteboy from the jersey shore, drinkin beer at house parties.. smokin weed with my boys... to being a local kingpin who was raking in about $300 cash a day. I eventually got involved with the local mob (small peanuts, nothing like your average gangster movie sh!t). I even was dealing with the (former) mayor of a town in monmouth county. i was truly on top of my game and the world.. but just like my father always told me .. "There are NO shortcuts and NO easy way out in this life"... It wasn't a year before i realized where i was at. The money was no longer as good becuase i would crush up six or seven blues and blow lines the length of a text book about three times a day. As the situation started to become more clear, and i realized what i had become, i decided i needed to stop. little did i know that withdrawal from 500mg a day would be similiar to hell on earth. I didn't make it six hours before i filled another bogus script. It was around the same time that my uncle went to prison for ironically doing THE EXACT SAME THING AS ME. Then... what do you know... it turns out my two cousins in Miami get busted for... you guessed it... FILLING BOGUS PERSCRIPTIONS. i couldn't beleive what was going on all around me... how bizzarre that i had family members in the same position i was in...

The day my cousins got sentenced... i got robbed. People who i considered to be close to me robbed me of 400 dollars. They set me up like i was some kind of piece of garbage junkie. Well with no money to fill a script, withdrawal after a day had me going psychotic. I truly was outside my mind. I retaliated against them... which was my BIGGEST mistake.

I went one of the guy's houses and started busting up his car with a bat....

big mistake

cops show up and i bounced. WITHOUT LOOKING i ran through a 6 lane jersey highway (route nine) and barely made it from the cops. I then had an ashtma attack in the woods about three miles away from dudes house and almost died.


I am going to stop pouring my emotions and heart out all over this forum.. sorry for being a pain and a punk @ss. It's just that i see everything you people on the forum are saying nad it's all so positive. I need help. I am on Day four.. cold turkey... and still maintaining my regular life... but i feel like i have no reason to live... the cold sweats have got me crazy.. the leg pulls and effecting my workday as well as my nights... i haven't slept in 70 hours EXACTLY.

What are some non narcotic ways of coping with this. Each day is WORSE not BETTER. I hhave shown ZERO signs of improvement.

please help a guido out

[worried878]

Sounds like u r getting out while the getting is good...dont turn back and it does get better...the more ur daily dose was the longer it takes it seemas ...for me it was 4-5 days but that is not true for all...it will come very soon...u will wake up and know things are better..hang in there and keep posting

[Destiny4]

hey just wanted to drop you a line and tell you to never appolagize for reaching out.  that is what we are all here for we reach out in our time of need and we reach back to you in yours.  It is great that you are getting off that mess. one of my boys is on day 6 and he is trying to as well. there is a herbal remedy call seventh flower it is an itty bitty pill that helps you relax completly herbad completly non addictive.  i had only slept 9 hours in the past 4 days combines and as i have 4 kids it was kicking my ***.  if i dozed off i would wake up with the stomache cramps and the freezing cold chills. i took 2 of those last night and i FINALLY got some sleep. when i woke up i was still w/d ing but feeing triumphant i got some sleep. Im not a doctor just a companion take it for what it is.  Keep it up you can get thru this.  YOur story sounds alot like my boys unfortunatly he is going CT while in prison for the next 5 years. Some times when were not strong enough to step away god has to step in and make us strong enough.

HUGZ - holla if you eva need to talk or vent or anything
DES

[cathy5841]

the depression and despair are apart of the w/ds.  the pills have been our source for endorphins and when you take theat away it takes time for the brain to readjust and the make them again.  dont give up.  i have a really good journal entry about time readi it and maybe it will help you understand. stay strong

[ladyboop]

Hey, Just another deigo girl here,
I know your pain dude. Try magnesium 500 gel caps at night it will help with the sleep. go slow with them. Or they will keep you in the bathroom, But I supect you r already doing that..LOL.. WE just know your pain.. Take 2 of them.. Work up as you need to. 1500mgs to 2000mgs..
There is no magic way to get thru this, Try it all, and use what works for you. We are all different.. Sounds like you stopped just in time...
Good luck to you, and know we are all here for you...

                LadyBoop

[taekwondo_fighter]

i'm over 9 weeks now, and the cravings are killing me today...  i dont get it, but more than ever...  the urge to use is there too...  its a long battle that we are in.. as far as the depression , i recently learned from a really good friend of mine that this is part of withdrawals, and part of what someone goes through after they stop using..  these meds mess with our brain function and it is very hard to get "happy" on our own without the meds now..  i'm sure someone with more experience on this part will chime in soon...
i hope you feel better soon bro, i will check out your video on youtube..
p.s  get back in the martial arts if you could...  all of that pain you are experiencing goes away after some good training or a good workout

[scottt]

I know how you feel! I"m 5 days clean! 200mgs mscontin day for yrs. no prob on day1 day 2&3 where hell, nite sweats,leg pain,sleeplessness. by day 4 started feeling better today is better than yesterday! weaned over 6 wks. hot baths and lots of bannanas to help w leg pain started vitamins b6,b12 ,c, and agood multiple. some xanax for sleep (be careful its addictive too!!! when you sell them you just help others to be like us!!!!!  

[JerseyItalian]

..haha "who doesn't" your funny man. Im from the jersey shore exit 98, moved from jersey city to belmar when i was 10 to when i was 19, we JUST got a new condo in seaside. But yea man let me first say i truly admire that you are a martial artist, My younger brother, cousin, and myself did taekwondo up until we all hit green belt. That being said i am an artist myself, a musician. Check me out on youtube ... "Karmic Juggernaut". Watch the 'Funky I Patch' video its great... turn up your bass on your speakers! Thank you for your responses, i work 45 hours a week though so i can't be taking baths as much as i want to. Alls I want is to just re live these last 18 months... I keep looking back at some of the sh!t i have done and it's like... i just cannot get a grip right now man... my mind is FLOODED with random memories, nostalgic moments, and the constant urge to use.

Is it normal to feel like i have no reason to live? and be depressed as all hell? to top it off me and my girl of 4 years are in an enormous fight today. Is it normal to just want to ****!ng explode in anger right now? I feel like i want to retaliate against all the people who stabbed me in my back. My body feels like sh!t man I cannot even begin to describe it. Its like having the worst flu with a combination of exhaustion mixed with restlessness...

also.. please help me with the mental aspects... what are some positive thought proccesses geared towards recovery??

[taekwondo_fighter]

where in NJ are you from?? i know a few italians from NJ , actually, who doesnt ? LOL
hey this place is great for venting bro, nothing wrong with it. we all have some sort of cross we're carrying, some bigger than others..  hang in there, dont go back to that life. stay off the streets now, find some other means to pass the time..  the "thug life" is no way to live anymore...  know what i mean??

[cathy5841]

hi, wow you do have a history.  but thats okay,  we have all done things for our pills we are not proud of.  glad you found us.  first off hot baths as often as you caan help alot.  eat lots of bananas thry replace potassium to keep you legs from hurting sooo bad.  go to the health pages and look at the thomas receipe...there you will find vitamins and stuff that will help.  try your best to go for a walk the longer the better.  it kick starts your brain to produce endorphins, which it hasnt done while on the pills.  and take benedryl, it helps with sleep sometimes....i would have to take 3-4....i know that is more than recommended but thats what i did.  not telling you to though.  lol    i am headed out to work.  i will be back on at about 8:30  hang in ther, if you are on day 4 it will get better in a few days.  you were on a hefty dose so give it a few more days.  keep posting it helps  you are not alone