WELLLL HERE IT IS

[chaddavis333]

At 1:00 I took my last vic of a 3 month run. I hate relapsing. I doing the loperamide thing this time and it is really helping. I know there are issues with it, but I can't take the anxiety. Why do we do this to ourselves? I lie to myself and say, oh we are just trying to get energy to do my job and bs like that??? I hate being an addict. I say this is the last time, but do I mean it or is it just because I have no more access??? Stupid rant I know, I just love the feeling of being there, but don't want to pay for it.... I bet everyone knows what I am talking about.

[BanMethadone]

not a stupid rant, but a very valid question. What is your motivation? Is it truly bc you're forced to do it, and if the opportunity presented it's self, would you go back again? Is your mindset really in the right place? I think we've all asked ourselves these questions before. I think if you're asking though, there is a sign that somewhere in the back of your mind, you already know the answer. I think you're doubting your true motives.

If you do suffer from addiction, then you are dealing with a very stealthy adversary, and you really have to have so many things in place to fight this enemy. You need, first and foremost, to have your mind in the right place.

If you set your mind to your goal properly, and tackle it in earnest, then you are already half way there. The other half is going to be utilizing the tools at your disposal to fight your addiction, and those are very numerous indeed.

I wish you the best, and no matter your reason for quitting, I think you should give some serious thought to digging deep and deciding to finally do what you know is right for yourself and those around you. Chances are In the end, you're going to end up back here anyway, but with a lot more losses to recoup.

Stop questioning things and focusing on guilt and negative thoughts. Think to yourself how you can recover what you've lost and that you are worth it... bc you are. We have all gone back and made mistakes or else we would probably not have been seeking help on this site.

Take care

[chaddavis333]

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT!!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE GODSENTS.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Chadd so sorry to see you here on these terms  it is time you quit trying to do this yourself  trust me it  rarely works  for addicts like you and I we need Aftercare for me N/A does the trick for you it will also if you give it a try this is not some game you play this is life or death this disease kills so this time change what you are doing get aftercare and give yourself a fighting chance by now you can see what happens doing it your way....your best thinking got you right back here as always we will help you get clean but more so we will try and keep you clean for me it takes 4 meetings a week but I dont pick up even when life ant fair good luck and God bless....Gnarly

[EvolverU]

Hi Chad,

There's nothing 'stupid' about anything you said. Quite the opposite!! Realizing that you've been lying/making excuses to yourself is a Huge & Necessary step to getting & staying clean. Use that 'hate' to make it different this time -- to break those shackles so that you can feel better about yourself & open up a life of possibility & peace. You deserve it & you can Absolutely do it!

[dominosarah]

Those pills give us a false sense of security, in reality they are actually killing us.  No more hiding behind them chad, show us what you got my friend!  

[ROSYouralright]

Your certainly not alone.. We've all been there... Only you know if your ready to be DONE for good!! Its good to see you posting about it.. Just buckle down and take each symptom as it comes.. You can do it! Do you have a plan to do things differently this time?