Today is the Day!

[justneedtotalk]

I believe it is today that my friend renew's his Norco prescription....This is my one and only source left in the world and this is the reason why I have not been off of everything for the past few months.  I have made it almost a month now and still do not feel super sweet.  I am not wavering, I just need to tell my friend that I will not need them this month and I will talk to him later.  I hate the emotional roller coaster of my mind playing tricks on me.  One part of me says "Don't make it weird with your friend, just go get them and we can store them some place safe!".....I know it is rediculous but that is what has been going through my mind.....Yes, yes, I know that this would be the perfect time for AA or NA group but I just can't.....I have to get through this month hurdle NOW!!!  I am not going to lie that this is going to be tough......This is my most dependable source and even though he only has a few for the month, I have always relied on them.  This is the moment of truth.....either I am going to cave or I am going to be victorious!  Wish me luck....

[dominosarah]

How are you doing today?

[10356]

Good for you !! Taking back our self respect does a lot for our self esteem, cutting of your sources gives us a measure of power back. something we are sorely lacking while active.. Congrats on your clean time and so Proud of you for deciding not to go backwards for the mind game this plays is not worth the buzz If there even is one left anymore.. guilt can cripple us So stay true to yourself for you are definitely worth t !! :) lesa

[dominosarah]

Stay true to yourself and you will get thru this.  It will be a huge relief when you finally get rid of this contact.  We are all right here to support you.       sara

[justneedtotalk]

I am here.....I promise I have not talked to him yet today.....It might not be until Monday but I am working on a way to be pro-active and to call him first to tell him that I do not need them anymore.  It is going to be a weird phone call but it must be done.  He usually does not bother me when he gets them, I am usually the one bugging him!  It is kind of nice to be even considering the choice....Normally, it would not even be a choice....I would be just bidding time until I knew he had them!  This time is different....Every part of my being is saying no.....a small part wants just a little bit of relief but I know that it could set me back weeks and I AM NOT GOING BACKWARDS AGAIN!!!!  I have made it too long this time and suffered too much to go through it even the mid parts again.....I am going to keep posting all day!

[dominosarah]

Come back here and talk to us..........

[gnarly_1]

HI.....one is to many and a 1000 is not  enough you will destroy yourself mentaly if you pick them up dont go there...its ez to say yes when your early on with your sobriety you have to guard your clean time...dont even make the phone call....you can get past this but its up to you ....remember staying clean takes work to...good luck and God bless,,,,,Gnarly

[ang_811]

u need to change the people, places, and things in order to hold on to ur sobriety. that is ur addciton talking u nto getting those pills. please dont do it. go thru ur cell and delete all those numbers of the dealers and people who r still using. r u getting ne aftercare? i highly recomend it. it has been the best money i have ever spent.. congrats on ur clean time. ur doing so good and i dont think u really want to throw all of ur hard work away do ya? im at a month today since my relapse and i actually should b on 105 days. i couldnt tell u the huge amount of guilt i felt by using after having racked up alot of clean time. i felt guilty, ahsmaned, and dissapointed in myself. u dont want to do that to urself. if u have to keep posting all day. good luck to ya.

[dominosarah]

You seem to be setting yourself up here.  You need to get real honest with yourself and your so called "friend".  Does a real friend feed you poison?  This is what these pills are.  A real friend supports you in your recovery, something you need to get going on.  Fight for you.  You are worth it.  Congrats on your clean time!!!       sara

[feohmoon]

The addict in us can be so convincing but you know what a setback that would be.  Our lives are far too important to be dominated by pills...just keep looking ahead and try to make it through this day victorious.  Tomorrow we will tackle that day.  I guess 'One Day At A Time' has a far deeper meaning than I once understood.
Keep posting and do not let yourself down, you will be devastated.
Although it sounds so simple, I know it is not and you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Everything seems like such an effort...I need to wash dishes right now and get out to the grocery store but it sounds like such a task and I feel horrible.  That is very simple things to do but it overwhelms me and almost makes me want to cry at the thoughts of having to leave the house today.  School is so difficult at this time also, I should be studying for midterms but I cannot focus.  And, I have work to complete to get caught up.  I was suppose to go today and try to find a part time job but I have not accomplished that either and money is starting to be an issue again.  
You are not alone, please continnue posting and being strong.  Best of luck to you.

[Jaybay]

Don't call your "friend" - you know what will probably happen.  The exact words that you posted here will come out of your mouth and you'll be back at square one.  If you have an email address, use that and tell him you're done.  While you're at it, divorce yourself from him.  He is no friend to you and an enemy of your sobriety and recovery.  Congrats for your month of clean time!  PLEASE don't jeopardize it!