Need Support/Advice For Desperate Final Attempt At Sobriety

[sk8trnate]

Hi guys, I know it's not often you hear a 17 year old kid wanting to get sober... And that is exactly why it has been such a struggle for me. I have been using anything I could get my hands on to cope with anxiety/depression/insomnia/add, or just to be happy and have fun. I already went through an inpatient treatment program almost two years ago, and pretty much lied my way through it. I didn't want to admit I had a problem for years, just rationalized it with what "everyone else was doing". The fact was, I was the only one my age doing lines of coke in the bathroom stall between classes, only one stealing from my family and friends just to have money to support my habit. I have amazing and supportive parents, but I have told them so many times that this time would be the last time, that they don't believe me anymore... and I don't blame them. I've went to celebrate recovery classes, but no one my age is in them. I am the drummer in our church worship team, and little do they know I've been struggling with my sobriety for so long. (I live in a rural farm town of 2000 people, and everyone drinks and parties) I moved around a lot, so that isn't in my heritage, and I don't feel like I fit in, because I don't. The fact is, I have accepted the fact that I'm the only kid my age trying to straighten my life out before my 18th birthday in a month, so I don't screw up my life forever. I haven't been sleeping at all because I've been on and off of cocaine the past few weeks, and today I finally threw all I had left away. I really need to make it happen this time. I have cried, prayed to God, and spent hours in his word the last week when I was up all night. Every time I get clean I go through an insane period of depression, anxiety and paranoia. During those few months that my brain tries to get back to being normal, my life is a living hell. And I feel like there is no hope, so I go back to drugs. I'm going to have to stop hanging out with my best friend, because all we ever do is get twacked and attempt to write a book or some other ridiculous idea we come up with.

Sorry if I'm blabbering on and on, I just have no where else to go and I'm coming down of my last line. HOPEFULLY FOREVER. If anyone can relate to me, or has any advice on what I can do, or any tips or tricks they have from getting sober, I would greatly appreciate it. I need to make it this time, I don't want to live this way anymore. I want to be happy without drugs.

Thank you so much,
Nate

[maria920]

Hey Nate, I have been reading thru ur post for the last hour. U are an amazing person and have so much ahead of u in life. I kno how hard it is to get away from drugs and change the ppl u hang out with esp when its ur best friend but in order to get and stay clean u have to change ppl , places , and things. It may seem hard at first but it DOES get easier I promise. When I Was ur age I used to take pills for fun bc all my friends did it and now at the age of 27 I was totally out of control with pills and when my Dr cut me off I had a "best friend" who introduced me to heroin. In a years time I almost lost everything. I am married to a wonderful man and have two great children. I almost Lost the bc of using and I also almost lost my life bc of using and not caring abt anything but my next fix. Have u ever talked to a psychiatrist or psychologist about ur anxiety and depression? It really helped me to talk to someone who wasn't going to judge me but tell me exactly how it is. U have sooo much going for u and I'd hate for u to sell urself short and not b able to do the things u want to in life bc ur tied down by coke. Please PLEASE remember U CAN DO THIS and u Are worth it!!!!! We are all here for u thru this. U can ask or tell us anything without being judged. I hope ur doing ok and I hope u stick with this and choose life!! =]

[VICourageous]

OMG Ces77 You just made me cry....Sooo true and I am so proud of him to get this at a early age.
vickie

[SmilingBright]

You are so young and you have such a great life ahead of you!! Im praying God will show Himself to you sweetie. God has great things in store for you.  Don't ever forget that.  Will be praying for you ;)

[peacedollar]

depression is very common comming off coke, crack.....you may need meds for a period of time say a year -2 yrs then ween of meds to see if you really need to be on them. i suffered crushing depression for yrs before and after coke.....doing coke actually made it worse for me....took a few yrs of finding the right meds that eventually saved my life....you can pm me if want to know more about that. and it took a little longer to get clean off crack...try to stay busy, get a hobby, meetings. anything that keeps you occupied and try not to be alone too much...goodluck...

[BarbRTR]

Your post has me in tears too! It's so wonderful you have decided to quit at your age, and not be 40 or 50, looking back, saying if only I would have quit.

You're so articulate. You have a very bright future ahead of you, should you decide to stop this now.

There isn't much I can add but my support. I take it since you said you basically lied through rehab the first time, it wasn't your choice to go? This only works if you want it to, and it seems you do this time.

I have a 16 y/o and a 18 y/o. My love for them is unconditional, and so is your Mom's. She's hurting because you're hurting. Please keep talking to her.

And one last thing, you say you do this because you're depressed ( among a couple other reasons). Do you see a Dr for your depression? And if you do, do you feel comfortable with them?

I'm very glad you found your way here. Please keep posting.

[sk8trnate]

Wow... Thanks guys for all the support. I made it through the night and actually ate some food this morning. Just gotta take the day a minute at a time. Luckily I have to work early in the morning tomorrow so I won't be tempted to go out and do something stupid tonight. Feel like complete crap but hopefully I will start to feel better soon! Thanks again for all the support