I am in so much agony

[JBL422]

I started to detox last week and ended up putting it off until sunday. I took my last dosage sunday morning which was 4 vicodin. I was up to about 15-20 a day depending on good day or bad day. I am in so much agony. I am having physical symptoms of being hot/cold, aching sneezing/running nose and RLS. But it's the mental part that is kicking my butt. This is my 4th time detoxing and I never had such mental anguish in the times before. I just made up my mind to quit and I did it. This time is so different. I want to quit but just donn't know if I was quite at that point yet to be able to stand firm in my mind. I think this is day 3 or four however you wan to count it. About 5 years ago I found myself experimenting with drugs and ended up getting hooked on crystal meth. It took away all my problems from the past (both physical and sexual abuse). I made me feel so good till it made me feel so bad. I ended up writing alot of poetry during that time and got alot of things out in the open that I needed to. I ended up getting myself clean and publishing a book of all my poetry in hopes maybe it could help someone else. I was doing good for a couple of years and then I found myself getting restless, not being able to sleep at night and just feeling trapped. So I would to a vicodin here and there even oxy's when I could get them. I would go on and off them with know problem until that day I passed the point (we all know that point) when the voice in the back of your heads says this is becoming a problem. I continued to take them. Each time I would get up to about 15 pills a day I would say I got to quit but I would never make the neccesary changes to stay on track. I would always go back. This time around I am feeling so depressed. I try to get out and go for a walk but just don't have much energy and I'm tired of laying in bed. I would do anything for that little bit of a buzz again. I'm doing some journaling trying to figure out the changes I need to make to allow myself to be happy. Thank for listening to me ramble. I have people around me that know what I'm going through but never been through it themselves.  

[vicki595]

Hi~~  Antidepressants can cause some dryness in your throat and mouth and that's usually relieved with a hard candy etc..
You may still be withdrawing...Are you drinking enough? Sounds like dehydration to me. We need a ton of fluids when detoxing.

Good job on the 9 days!  Be sure to eat and drink well;it really helps.

Vicki

[JBL422]

So I came off the hydrocodone about 9 days ago and started taking a low dose of Celexa 20mg to help with the depression. I started taking about 5 days ago at night before bed. When I wake up in the morning I feel like I am so dried out and have a sore throat and alot of mucus and feel like I have chills. Is this normal side effects for anti depressants. I have never taken any before, but this is horrible.

[xanna03x]

i know what you are feeling im been through everything you have its my 5th day sober be careful the depression is what brings us down or even bordom you can talk to me anytime we can help eachother

[pharma9]

I meant to type your abuse is in your past...not if in your past...Spellcheck did not pick it up...Either way..IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT..and  you have to drop the guilt because you are not at fault.Your life matters and you can overcome all this rise above it and be abetter person because of it.
Cyberhugs and love to you.

[pharma9]

Good for you for recognizing a problem and deciding to do something about it.Your drug use is probably to fill a void in your life or to block out something.I see it is to block out the sexual and physical abuse you endured.I can understand that,but the abuse if in the past and not your fault and it is affecting your present life which again I thoroughly understand.However...this is the past and you have to live your life in the present and future.The past molds your life but it can be overcome and you must do that to stop drug use.
Why are you looking for the buzz...does it make you happy?You have to realize that that buzz is only fleeting and other things can make you happy.Things like a clean life and feeling good about yourself.
You have to concentrate on all the good things in your life.Your friends and your family and they can help you
Once you realize that your life is important and that you want the clean life more than tha buzz that is phoney anyways,you can make it.
Good luck in your healing and keep posting and we will help you for we have been through it all.