Unfortunately I have plenty of experience as I'm sure most everyone here does. My now ex husband never hit rock bottom. When we were together I didn't take that much of anything. Well, right now I am detoxing off around 120/150mg of oxycodone, 3mg of Xanax and a lot of soma. I wanted to throw that in there because I understand the stress that you are under and I would hate for you to be in my situation down the road.(I have no idea if you even take anything...just looking out)
Everyone is different. Has he even acknowledged that he has a problem? My ex did REALLY messed up stuff. He had even been to rehab, halfway houses, ect. He never mentioned that to me before we were married. I married a lie. Long story short, after he took me for everything I had(mentally and financially) I finally kicked him out. I even tried to make it work after that. All the while he would always find a way to keep getting high no matter who he hurt in the process. He is now on methadone because it is cheaper than his oxy habit. He even abuses that program. He takes Xanax, Adderall and soma. He just gets someone else's pee.
Like I said everyone is different. I've been on and off pills(mostly on) for many yrs now. I have REALLY tried to quit for the past 4yrs. I signed up to this website about a week ago. I have learned that I have to go to meetings and find some aftercare to stay clean. I'm telling you this because that is exactly what your husband needs to do. You should consider Al-Anon for yourself.
I hope this helps. I will sends up prayers for you and your family--Jess
Hi there. First up: get thee to an Alanon meeting. The reason it exists is for the loved ones of addicted folks because they are baffled by their loved one's behavior. Please please go:)
I can imagine you are frustrated and terrified. What you are asking though is when does the addict "get" the damage they have caused. And when do they get it together. Your hubbie will get it together when he is sick and tired of being sick and tired. It may not be this time. You can't wait for that. He may never hit bottom, sorry to say. No one knows. There is not one thing you can do to make him "get it" and stop. Except take care of yourself.
Please look up a meeting and keep posting:)
I can only speak about my personal experience: I am not an addict. Believe it or not, I have never used any drug recreationally even to see what its like. So, it is quite ironic how I ended up with my husband who is a chronic pot smoker and who I recently discovered also uses cocaine and adderall. I do not know the extent of use of the latter drugs as he told me it was only 5-6 times but I do not believe him. He is a liar. Like the previous poster, I also married a lie. I have no idea what to believe and what not to believe. Two weeks ago today he moved out of our house. I have a 2 year old son that I need to protect and make sure he has an emotionally and physically safe environment. I have no clue if my husband has hit 'rock bottom'...and I have no clue if he is going to turn his life around as he said he would. All I can do in this moment is take care of me and my little boy. I go to therapy, I read about people's experience on this forum, I have opened up about my experience to my friends and family. Basically, I am doing what I need to do to move on with my life and create the safe and drug free environment that I need for my own emotional health. To connect with others, to continue to foster positive relationships and to find peace with the fact that my husband has left.
I would never tell you to leave your husband. Only you can make this decision. You just need to consider the following: if he never changes, will you be able to live the life you are currently living for the rest of your life? Once you are able to answer this question you will know what choices you need to make moving forward. The only certainty is what is going on NOW. Nothing else is predictable.
Wishing you much love, courage and strength.
I just realized I did not answer your question! For my husband, the guilt and remorse has clearly not set in. He said 'I am remorseful' but the words were so empty....no connection to them, no true understanding of the damage he has done...no empathy. He still doesn't get it. I don't think anyone can predict when the guilt and remorse will set in. It may never.
I agree. You need a support group. Sometimes the hospital has a friend & family group.
Sorry to hear your life has been turned upside down.
Best to you. Pamela
Hey there! Was just checking in on you! Hope your doing ok. We are here if you need to talk! God Bless -- Jess
before my. last doctor was shut down he was giving me 120 10mg methadone pills, 120 4 diladud, well k-4, s and 2mg bar xanax's by the time i started seeing him 6 years ago until he was busted 5 months ago ive been through metadone clinics in and out of drug rehabs any help i coul get and yes even prison 3 times for drugs now i even tried drinking, but have hep c and cant handle much plus it only good for pain about 3 hours oh i forgot to mention i had both my lrgs pelvis and coler bone,crushed when i was 16 which was in 1978 so yes im lucky to be alive my problem is I've got to have surgery on my back i have already had 1 it did not work so now I finally found a good surgeon that wants to put 2rods from my neck to my tail bone to straighten my spine up. Sorry im just now learning how to use a computer at age 55 and in alot of pain, so bear with me, I hve my tolerance down to 2 or 3 Percocet s a day which doesent help a whole lot but better than nothing I just had to go through some horrible withds but decided pain was better than the withdrawals Im scared of having surgery again in fear of them not being able to get me out of pain I jus went through that a couple of months ago and I am scared to tell the doctor the truth about my drug history because im afraid he wont do the surgery. any suggestions would greatly be appreciated.