Hi everyone, I'm praying SOMEONE can help me here. I am the mother of two wonderful babies and currently in school for nursing. I am also 14 weeks pregnant. I have had an addiction to pain killers for about 7 years now, I've tried the suboxone treatment twice in the last two years and relapsed. About 5 months ago a friend told me if I took methadone that I could quit vicodin and get clean, so I did. But being that I have a problem with opiates, I am now addicted to methadone. When I found out I was pregnant I tried to quit the methadone and started to miscarry and got really sick. I take 30-40 mgs a day. I get them from a friend, not a dr. or clinic. I am scared to death for three reasons, the first is for my unborn child, the second I am afraid if I go to my OB they will try to take my children away (they are my life I love them more than anything on earth), thirdly, my husbands ex works at the hospital where my OB works and she can sneek a peak at my records anytime. I cry everyday over all of this, I just need some help and don't know where to turn. I've read sub is not approved for pregnancy, so what should I do??? I live in Indiana and I don't know the protocol for things like this. Should I just try to quit on my own? I've tried to wean down but it's hard, my body starts aching 12-15 hours after taking a dose. I'm so scared and worried. Please help!!
(Please don't reply if you have any negative things to say, I know that I am terrible for doing this but I need and want to get clean more than you can possibly imagine, and if you want to judge me go ahead, but I promise it can't be worse than the way I feel about myself)