No question simple Thank You

[anxioushabits]

I am so very grateful for this community. I have been reading posts for three weeks and discovering many layers to my own addiction. I have been on and off Tramadol for two years and having crazy depression and mysterious illness issues. I did not ever connect my dis "ease" to Tramadol until I changed to hydro 3 months ago. Hydro helped me through a very difficult and painful inflammation cycle and now I have started to exhibit addictive tendencies with the hydro. Specifically, the pain is gone and I still take pills! I found this site a few weeks ago when I experienced hydro withdraw symptoms. Or I thought that is what was happening, I did take hydro to get out of it and I still had the "flu" so I do not know. Anyway I found this site and could see that I am on a slippery slope and I need to get out now! I have been taking 4 10/325 per day for a couple of months. Now my pain issues are controlled but I am still very attached to the pills. I am down to 3 pills per day and will continue to taper. I do not have a plan but I am working on it. This site has given me the support I need to admit that I have a problem and I must make better choices before that option is beyond reach. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and creating this safe haven for those of us that struggle with self medication.

[anxioushabits]

Thank you, your posts have helped me sort out some of my questions.

[anxioushabits]

Thank you, I appreciate your words and have received insight from many of your posts.
I have to be off meds by next Monday for some medical test so it is do time:) I am hoping that I can get on the other side of withdraws and get on with my life! I have been taking aminos and I feel that they really help my mood. I have also joined a face to face recovery group that has been helpful! Yatta yatta 2 pills today, its not over yet!
I suppose that I need to tell my doctor. For now, I have confessed to my closest friends that I am struggling. My fear of telling my doctor is related to real pain and how will I be able to treat the inflammation that cripples me when I flare up? I have never had an easy time getting pain meds and I am worried that I will not be able to get them when I do need them. I realize that I do not have a mountain of pills behind my behavior but I also see that I have problem and I do not want it to get worse.

[YesLife4Me]

Thanks for sharing!    Can you talk to your Dr about helping you get off them?   You have probably read and recognize that once an addict takes any, they can't stop.   A 'normal' person wouldn't take it if they didn't really need it.   Or they may, just to avoid w/d if they have been on it long term I guess.   But then again, that to my signals a problem.  It means you are relying on it which is the slippery slope to addiction.   By definition, addiction is the inability to control the usage, taking larger and larger amounts, drug seeking behavior, obsessing about taking it (last dose, next dose), can't leave home or do anything without it first.  

Most all of us have experienced the depression and anxiety after coming off the pills.  My personal opinion is that perhaps we all had some personal reasons such as depression, stress, or trauma in our backgrounds that made us not feel normal to begin with so the drug helped us feel normal and able to cope.   After taking it away our brains need to restablize.  If we are going on and off it (tramadol included) it is messing with the receptors in our brain so they never fully heal.   That's why re relapse or self medicate.  

[buddycrunch]

Welcome aboard!  Post away.  You can do this.   Aint easy, neither is using.   Don't wait any longer.  Take our hand!