Nodding off

[Sportymmm]

Hi, I'm new to this but I need help.
My son came to me 3 days ago confessed he has been using heroin and needed help. I have tried to stay by his side to make sure he doesn't use but he is 26 and has his own place I got him vitamins made him take baths and fires fed him peanut butter sandwiches to get him thru the withdrawal it's is 4 day now and I noticed he was nodding off while reading a book. We have gone to na meetings and aa meeting to help us both stay strong but I'm terrified he may have used. Can you still nod off with out using when you are in the withdrawal stages??? Very concerned

[Sportymmm]

Thanks everyone!! He seems to be feeling better and going to meeting on his own. Yes the meeting are for me. I appreciate the advise to trust him with his recovery until he shows me I can't it's his life his choice his consequences.  

[jifmoc]

Wow, great posts on here!

I hope when you said you are going to a meeting, you meant Alanon. That is where you belong: you are the loved one of the addict.

[dwhitti777]

I recently had to decide to stop being a safety net for my older, married daughter. I paid for her to go to school so she could get get a job to support herself and family. She finished, got a job and lost it within a few weeks by not showing up for work. She doesn't take drugs but she has never liked to work much. I've worked my whole life. She called to ask for a little money to help with groceries and I was going to help but then she told me that she lost her job after calling in sick several times the first 2 weeks she was there. Then she told me it would be "ok" because her husband had just gotten a job at Walmart. I lost it. It's not ok. I didn't help her get certified as a CNA so they could barely make it on Walmart wages and keep borrowing money from me. I realized I was at fault for being a safety net and she needs to feel the urgency that she has to provide for her family just as I did. I did end up giving her $100 for Christmas and 2 new uniforms so she can have them when she gets a new job if ever.  I know this isn't the same thing... but sometimes the hardest job as parents is to know when not to help and be a helicopter parent. I'm sure you will keep checking on him...make sure he has the basics...a ride to meetings or doctor...but let him struggle too.

[vshiav]

I don't think anything hurts us more than it is something with our kids.  I am not good when it comes to tough love but sometimes, you have to wake them up.  You can do and say all the right things, he has to want it as much as you do.  Depression can make him sleep too and sometimes you just want to sleep the pain away.  Don't think something bad UNTIL you have proof.  Let him know you trust and have faith in him and you will be there no matter what.  It is the only thing you can do.  NO MONEY!  Buy him things that he needs other than that, love and support.  For you too!

[Sportymmm]

Thanks it's great to hear from another parent, it is devastating to watch your child suffer! I know it's up to him to change. But addiction is a family disease. That is it affects us all. Thank you and I wish you and your daughter well

[gnarly_1]

Hi well I went threw addiction with my youngest daughter so I know how you feel it is possible that he is using again but like jifmoc said you dont sleep at all detoxing... heroin is a big problem county wide now kids get hooked on the pills but cant afford them  and here in phx az you can get a dose of heroin for 10 bucks  I speak at the detox centers around here and it saddens me to see so many kids messed up on this  just hang in there your doing the right thing with the meetings  N/A has save many lives..   pray go to meetings you may want to check out alanon meetings for yourself  just know recovery is possible  keep posting here for support.....Gnarly

[Sportymmm]

Thanks he did get numbers but has not used them. He has an old friend in program and has called him for help.

[Sportymmm]

Thanks for your response, I went with him to his house and threw away his staff of stuff. Maybe he had pills too I don't know. This was his choice to stop and he is going to meeting. The noding of just has me confused.

[Sportymmm]

Thanks I know your right, I'm going to meeting today with or with out him! For my sake. Looking at programs for detox and rehab today. I'm just worried if he is actually still using or not. But maybe that doesn't matter. Ugg
Thanks for the advise

[Merri123]

If he is on day 4 he would have gone from being miserably **** and achy and all to well not. He would have energy then and more lively.

I don't know. Honestly I did sleep the first week. With heroin I never had that problem. Never had no sleep. Pills yes.

All you can do us ask him calmly. Hey are you ok. You look like your going to fall asleep. See what he says. Or just plain ask him.

[jifmoc]

Oops, just noticed you already went to na...good. He needs to be saying he is a newcomer and getting phone numbers.

[jifmoc]

Sporty- Ugh how my heart breaks for the parents of addicts: so many have been on here and they are the same as you: terrified.

Okay, first things first: you are probably right about the nodding off. When we are early in detox we don't sleep. Like at all. Some are lucky to get a few hours here and there but heroin is the worst. So unless he got access to valium/xanax, you are probably correct. HOWEVER, and I know how hard this is to hear: you must, you must, stop helping him as much as you are. Bathing him (or drawing him a bath) feeding him, staying by his side physically...too much. Here is why: for the addict to get clean in the long run he must hit bottom. At all my meetings (AA or NA) people only get clean when they hit bottom. Usually, when people that love them start to get sick of them. I'm not saying hang up on him, I'm saying: let him feel the consequences of his usage. THIS is a huge consequence of using: feeling like sh!t for days or weeks. All of us need to recall how horrible our using was to remind us how could being clean is (among other reasons.)

You can be compassionate. You can tell him you are sorry that he is going thru this. Then direct to the NA hotline. And tell him to come here for support. This is where tough love comes in, but if you want to aid in hopefully saving his life...detach. I wouldn't be w/ him or buy him anything else. And for gosh sakes do NOT give him any cash!!! Let him find his support via other addicts.

For you, please please look up an Alanon meeting. That's why they exist. I would go tomorrow or asap. You need major support, too.

Keep posting and more posts will be here as well:)