Aa
I guess I am back to day 1 again :-(
Well where do I start, I guess I start by saying I relapsed big time. For some reason I made it ok to buy a pill and spun out of control. I just spent my last $30. yesterday just to get high, how stupid. Now I am broke and I know I cant buy anything and I am glad to some degree cause I need help. So I am back to day 1 tomorrow which ***** but oh well my own fault for not sticking to my plan. I hate this more than anything in the world. I have a number to a guy that helps addicts so I am going to call him tomorrow. I know its going to be a hard road obv. but I need help. I wish for one week I can use my pay check for something I want to do instead of paying my bills and spending the rest on being high. I am kinda down in the dumps seems like everything around me is crashing down and I am the only thing left standing. At night when I lay in bed I have this conclusion that tomorrow is another day and that things will be better and I will be stronger. When I wake up the next morning all I can think about is being awake long enough so I can feel it when I get high. All day I chase the demon to maintain, to have that feeling of pure pleasure running thru me. Its taken over me and everything I thought I was. I haft to get back on track, I haft to make myself be better. So my friends here I sit again looking for help kicking my feet at the ground in the feeling of pure and utter failure.
For Real!! Man, I was goin to about - lets see, 12 or so of them pain mgmt clinics there, various reasons, mostly for myself, talk about speeding to the pharmacy after dr. visit. UGH sooo glad I am over that!! I never got a speeding ticket or got in an accident THANK GOD! and I do!! Used to love Houston, course when I was growin up it was a pretty small town (till I was about 14 or so)...i still love the town, but its crazy there! I like living close by but far away, if that makes sense!! Im in Baytown now, and its really nice here. Right on Galveston Bay, I can throw my pole out 20 ft from my travel trailer and wahla, no fish LOL...they are coming soon I hope!! :)
H-Town is hometown for you too? The traffic is a killer here as you know and evertday I fight it. At least now I don't have to go to the quack-doc's, dopeman or pharmacy in traffic !!!
late
late
How very true Fishman!! Isn't that great about the "reset" button, lol. That is so great that you also yell at satan! Ive done that so many times, maybe not daily, but I have to push him and his ugly thoughts away when they appear!! And heck ya, I know what you mean about traffic being a test. Im lucky to live in these small towns where it is not usually a problem, but like today, I have to go to Houston UGH, and traffic there is a beast I hate dealing with, even though its my hometown. I have already prayed about it, and will many times on the trip. So far God is always with me, and I know he will be again today!
Praise be to him.
Hey fish have a wonderful blessed day yourself!! Everytime I see your name, I want to go fishing lol,,
Praise be to him.
Hey fish have a wonderful blessed day yourself!! Everytime I see your name, I want to go fishing lol,,
Hey you I thought I was the only one that spoke out loud to myself!! Ha ha ha !!
When I got sober in 2001 and the thought of using would come to my mind I would literally get up walk and scream "get away from me satan I am not on your team anymore, in the name of Jesus leave me alone" It works, no kiddin' it does.
Everyday I have to tell myself in the morning "before I get into traffic" that today is a gift that I am dope free and I must have a good attitude. Traffic is a good test of my spiritual condition! If I forget to do it I get negative by default. No one can save me from myself!
Well there is one,, God
Thank goodness He reels me back in once I start getting into pain. Then I realize that the pain is of my own making. Yep, ugly, ugly stuff.
The cool thing about God is that gives all of us the opportunity to hit "reset" at any moment!!
Have a blessed day everyone!
Dafish
When I got sober in 2001 and the thought of using would come to my mind I would literally get up walk and scream "get away from me satan I am not on your team anymore, in the name of Jesus leave me alone" It works, no kiddin' it does.
Everyday I have to tell myself in the morning "before I get into traffic" that today is a gift that I am dope free and I must have a good attitude. Traffic is a good test of my spiritual condition! If I forget to do it I get negative by default. No one can save me from myself!
Well there is one,, God
Thank goodness He reels me back in once I start getting into pain. Then I realize that the pain is of my own making. Yep, ugly, ugly stuff.
The cool thing about God is that gives all of us the opportunity to hit "reset" at any moment!!
Have a blessed day everyone!
Dafish
Dixie I was wondering where you been...sorry to hear of your relapse. It does happen. Been there too...I will be praying for you and hoping you can get the help you need to stay off this time. Sounds like you have a good plan with the recovery care this time :)
Hang in there, don't kick yourself too much. Like Fish says, take it one day at a time. I wake up and say to myself (outloud actually): I choose not to use today..just one at a time.
Glad to have you back!! Please keep posting, i missed you
Hang in there, don't kick yourself too much. Like Fish says, take it one day at a time. I wake up and say to myself (outloud actually): I choose not to use today..just one at a time.
Glad to have you back!! Please keep posting, i missed you
Hey glad your back. You got some great advise from our friends above.
You can mak this your bottom if you want it to be, or not. The "or not" is the scary part because active addiction only get's way worse. We will allways be addicted. Its our choice if we want to be active in our addiction or not. Yea I know, that *****.
Be glad that God is giving you another moment of clarity to reach out. I would pray and ask Him for help. Our own power is never enough to stop, we need help from a Higher Power. Pray for help, get involved here everyday, call the guy that helps addicts in your area and most of all don't use ,,,,,,on a ONE DAY AT A TIME BASIS. That is so key, keep it simple by taking it one day at a time.
We are here for you and may God bless you with all you need this day.
Dafish
You can mak this your bottom if you want it to be, or not. The "or not" is the scary part because active addiction only get's way worse. We will allways be addicted. Its our choice if we want to be active in our addiction or not. Yea I know, that *****.
Be glad that God is giving you another moment of clarity to reach out. I would pray and ask Him for help. Our own power is never enough to stop, we need help from a Higher Power. Pray for help, get involved here everyday, call the guy that helps addicts in your area and most of all don't use ,,,,,,on a ONE DAY AT A TIME BASIS. That is so key, keep it simple by taking it one day at a time.
We are here for you and may God bless you with all you need this day.
Dafish
I can remember chasing the high too. Isn't it crazy how your mood changes a great deal based solely on how many pills are left in your bottle???
As you take that last dose out of the bottle, no matter how big it is, the high is always a disappointment because you know what is coming.
If that sounds like you my friend then you are wise to understand that you have a problem. There's no shame in asking for help. There are many options open to you.
When you are tired of going around and around you will do something about it. You need to devote your energies to getting clean like you devote them to finding more pills as you are about to run out.
You only need to go around one more time. Get informed, get prepared.
NONE of your problems will improve if the pill use continues. It all starts there. Every single one of us here understand the shame and guilt and feelings of failure.
We wish for you to be one of the success stories around here. We are all here to help. Keep posting, keep reading, this CAN be done.
Goodluck,
bob
As you take that last dose out of the bottle, no matter how big it is, the high is always a disappointment because you know what is coming.
If that sounds like you my friend then you are wise to understand that you have a problem. There's no shame in asking for help. There are many options open to you.
When you are tired of going around and around you will do something about it. You need to devote your energies to getting clean like you devote them to finding more pills as you are about to run out.
You only need to go around one more time. Get informed, get prepared.
NONE of your problems will improve if the pill use continues. It all starts there. Every single one of us here understand the shame and guilt and feelings of failure.
We wish for you to be one of the success stories around here. We are all here to help. Keep posting, keep reading, this CAN be done.
Goodluck,
bob
I know just what you're going thru...been there , done that....I finally just ended up checking into rehab....best thing I could've done for myself....is that something you've ever considered?
COMMUNITY LEADER
What are you willing to do differently this time? You have it in you to get and stay clean but you have to make it your number 1 priority. Aftercare is a must for us. sara
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