just plain pissed..were you?

[happypill]

ok i just need to vent here. i dont know if what i am feeling is normal or just plain being addicted to vicodin, but i am struggling with the fact that I have to get off of them I am literaly pissed off that i have to get off them because quite frankly i feel better when I am on them, I am maintaining at 4 per day, vicodin es, and they are prescribed to me.Thus far, and it has been two years i have been on them steady,and they have not caused me any problems financial wise, and i accomplish more when i take them. i do know this is all me trying to rationalize why i should be able to stay on the pills.....but I was just wondering, if this is how i am feeling, does it really mean that i am not ready to quit ? has anybody ever fet iike this? like you know you shoud quit, but you are pissed off that you have to, because whats the harm in taking 4 pills a day? i dont obtain them ilegally, however i wi admit the pain i used to take them for, is, as far AS I KNOW GONE. There was period of time when i was up to 8-10 per day. then i cut down to 4, and my husband holds the bottle.....and 4 per day holds me over. however i moved to another state, and obviously had to change doctors,and i am not very optimistic that the new doc will be so willing to prescribe the vicodins as my current doc. so i am potentially going to be cut off, at least i am expecting. I have about 100 pills left if i were to be cut off tomorrow.... so in my mind i am battling tapering, but really dont want to stop!!!
i guess my question is, am i destined to fail if i truely dont want to stop? when you all made your decision to stop taking pills, were you excited about it, or did you drag your feet kicking and screaming into it? if it was the latter, were you successful?
i am just so confused, and i think the reason for that is that i have had a steady , legal supply for so long, and have suffered no issues so far, and have never had to go without them. for instance i have never spent money that i didnt have on pills, because i have insurance and they have always been prescribed. all that said, i know i am addicted, physically and deffinitely mentally, and i know the health ramifications to my liver long term. plus i keep hearing that the dose i require to feel normal will go up and up, but franky it hasnt!!!  has anyone else felt this way? am i just not ready, and destined to fail?
to sum it all up, i take 4 es vikes per day, i know i have to stop, but its like i am pissed the hell off that i do because i love them.  anyone else have this issue? or am i just completely not ready at all to quit?
please share.

[abritt121222]

Tram is EXACTLY right it sounds like you have no want to quit at all and for someone to get clean of opiates they have to want it more than anything in the world and want it for THEMSELF before anyone or anything else to because trying to quit for someone else isnt going to work 99% of the time because like tram said when it gets really rough and it will the first thing you are going to do is go get some pills because you dont want to quit you are just trying for someone else and it sounds like you are just setting yourself up to fail in my honest opinion im not trying to be an a## by saying this just saying what i think because the only person that is going to control your addiction is YOU and YOU have to want to quit for YOU or it is just asking for a relapse everyone of us on here has been in your shoes before and know exactly what you mean but eventually it will hit you and you will see that its not worth it to stay on pills it is no way to live having to wake up every morning wondering when and where you will get pills at and having to plan everyday around if you have pills or not it is so much easier clean and not worrying about pills all of the time and being able to just get out of bed in the morning and do whatever you want whenever you want without pills well i hope you decide it is time to get clean very soon for your own sake because life is so much better pill free

Good Luck and Godspeed

ABritt

[avisg]

Tram is right it takes everything we have to get off and stay off these drugs .It seems that you are not even sure you are ready.I will tell you whether it's now or 6 months from now at some point you will have to stop.The sooner you do it the better but again its going to take 100% commitment to do so .
What ever decision you make we will be here stick around.There is tons of support it may make it easier for you to decide what it is you want to do.

[LeaAnn807]

I'm not trying to insult you, but I don't really think you want to stop or are ready to stop.  And yes, that will set you up to fail!  It is hard to quit drugs, and if you are not very determined to do so, then you won't get thru those rough days.  You will need support and some kind of aftercare.

Honestly, I have been where you are MORE than not.  Pissed, not wanting to quit, being forced...whatever.  And I never did it.  This time, I made the decision and I wanted it!  It has worked so far.  I was willing to listen to advice and not put a pill in my mouth.  That is all you need at first....just a desire!

Good luck!  I hope you decide to do it! : )  We will be here if you do.