Pain control vs. Addiction - Double-edged sword!

[numbsoul1]

Hello, everyone. I am new to this community. I just ran across it and am glad to have found it. I have been taking pain medication for just over six years now. I have loss of cartliage in my knee and it causes a lot of pain. The doctor I go to is very good, but also very good at writing a monthly script of 90 Perc 10's and 90 Soma. It started out very innocently as trying to stop the pain and be able to work and pay the bills. Pain is a terribly debilitating thing. As time went on, I discovered that if I took two instead of one I felt GREAT. And then three and four was even better. Not only did it completely irradicate the pain, but it gave me energy, stamina, and a wonderful mood. How very, very stupid I was. When the script ran out a week, then two weeks early, I found out what true pain was. It wasn't only in my knee, but now throughout my entire body. I was sick. Unable to sleep and with horrible diarrhea (sorry to be graphic, but you all must understand). I started buying them off of associates inbetween scripts and the whole nine yards. I have found myself addicted. I have done many other drugs throughout my years, but was always able to do it and then set it down. Opiates are a whole other animal. I've now been battling this addiction on top of pain for several years. I found methadone (not through a clinic, but rather blackmarket) and found it to help wonderfully both for the pain and to keep the addiction at bay. One, maybe two pills max a day and I was set! Then there was the dark side to them. They have their own addiction which is by far worse than the origional addiction to Percocet. When they run out the withdrawal is WEEKS instead of days. Let alone the risk of accidental overdose when mixing with alcohol or other drugs. So, I searched around and have found buprenorphine (Subutex/Suboxone). It so far seems to be a miracle drug. The withdrawal seems MUCH less severe and shorter than methadone, as well as being generally safer. The only downsides I've found so far is that it doesn't work very well for pain (nowhere near as well as Percocet or Vicodin) and also most noteworthy PRICE! Methadone can be found for $2/pill where Bup runs around $8-10/pill. This addiction is a horrible roller-coaster ride. I want to kill the pain to still be able to work, which I must work, but then in order to kill the pain I am addicted to the medication. I honestly can say that I've seriously considered suicide to stop the cycle, but my family and friends mean too much to me to do that to them. But at the same time I feel worthless being in the condition that I am and hiding and sneaking what I have to do just to make it by. I've tried going inpatient, and would you like a funny story? During the time I was inpatient, the docs gave me medication for the pain in my knee.....PERCOCET! LoL It's funny how things work. So if I can't go inpatient, and I can't do it on my own without being in constant pain, then all that it leaves me with is how it is already right now...just take the pain medication and try my best to control my addiction. But, my best (personal) advice so far is to stay away from methadone. I understand that it does work for some people, and I do not intend to knock anyone for that. But in my experience, the addiction to it is not worth it at all when there are other options. If you do decide to take it, DO NOT DRINK OR MIX WITH OTHER DRUGS! It is extremely dangerous. Sorry for the extremely long post, but it's my first and I had to explain my situation and views. I wish you all the best. Know that you are definitely not alone in this. I look forward to getting to know everyone and learning more.

[numbsoul1]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my post and put you $0.02 in! Prospero73, I am so terribly sorry to hear about your son. I lost one of my best friends to an overdose. It is such a dangerous drug that I still cannot understand how the FDA can approve it for any sort of use other than terminal cases. Even those on heroin would, in my eyes, benefit more from Suboxone therapy than methadone. Reading online, I have found out just how many lives have been lost to it. Ketelnutz, I would like it to be known that me and Goody's Back & Body Pain Powders are best friends. LoL I do even now get great relief inbetween narc pain meds from OTC's. The head games you speak of are terrible. I do understand that they will pass, but in the meanwhile...whew! Tylenol PM is also wonderful for those sleepless evenings. Thanks again all and I will keep up with this thread!

[ketelnutz]

I just read your post, and I'm unbelievably sorry for your son. But find peace in the fact that reading things like that, make me never want to do that again. I could never put my parents through that. I almost did. Once again I am sorry about your loss. Methadone, and anything like that, is the worst man-made creation ever. It destroys lives, not just the users, but the family.

[ketelnutz]

Hang in there! It *****, I know. Your story is similair to mine, and alot others too i guess. I was on oxycontin for a long time, found methadone, and did them both(usually not at same time, but same time period). I used Suboxone to get off and it really is a great drug. Helps the WD while not giving you a buzz. However, try to wean yourself off of it. I had tried to quit a couple times, and I found that I WD would return after I got off the Suboxone. It wasn't as bad as it wouldve been if I never took it, but WD still grabbed me by the balls. The second time, I weaned myself on it, to a point where I had one Suboxone 10 last about 4 of 5 days.(I to bought it off the street). Everyone is different though, so whatever works for you. The suicide thoughts? Listen, I never was a depressed person, but when I would withdrawl, I felt felt extremely depressesed. Things came and went in my head that I'd never even thought of. But that goes away, just like the WD. It doesnt just make you feel bad physically, but mentally. Your head plays games with you. But like I said, give it a week and that'll get ALOT better. As you feel better physically, so to mentally. Now I know you are in persistent pain, so that does present a problem. However, being clean and in pain is better than being dopesick and in pain. If you're like me you're thinking there is no way any over the counter drug is gonna help the pain after you've been on narcs. But after time, it does. Simply taking Aleve or Tylenol help alot more than I ever thought it would. Speaking of, when your Suboxone is gone, Tylenol PM will help you get a LITTLE sleep at night while WD'ing. Also, get Immodium. Can't tell you how much that helps. Good luck with everything and know that it will get better, sooner more than later.

[Prospero73]

Thanks for the comments on methadone; it is every bit as dangerous as you say.  It's a good painkiller and allows you to be functional until you get to the higher doses, but getting off it is the worst.  Our son tried suboxone as an outpatient first, and that was OK until he got off that and the withdrawals were so bad he went back to methadone and OD's because he'd lost his tolerance.  Then three months of rehab, but he started using again, and survived two more OD's within less than a month.  The final and fatal OD, in April, he seems to have combined it with Xanax, and didn't make it.  I don't know whether OD's can cause brain damage that affects your judgement.  He was an A student, with three years of college, and a gifted musician, but he was no match for methadone addiction, and I don't think he had any idea how hard it was going to be.  Methadone is OK for terminal cancer patients and heroin addicts on a maintenance program, but it is bad news as a recreational drug or for chronic pain management.

[worried878]

agree..pain and addiction suk major hotdogs for sure! it is hard for a chronic pain pat to also have an addiction problem...nd it is no wonder we used for nrg cos pain will drag u down and suk ur nrg away....but like u..to me it was not worth it in the long run..the misery of addiction was worse for me than my mental pain from addiction...and there r lots of more effective ways to control pain that dont take ur life away in the process

[mom_of_two136]

I guess I am one of the fortunate ones in that I find that suboxone does relieve my chronic back pain. I have had lots of procedures and surgies to help which led me back to addiction to pain killers. I have been on suboxone for several months and am in the process of weaning down. I find that suboxone does really help with my chronic pain. My plan is going to be weaning down to the lowest dose and decide at that point whether I want to stop. I would much rather be on a low dose of suboxone than go down that addiction road again. My insurance covers all but $15 so it is not that expensive for me. I know how hard it is to have chronic pain and be looking for alternatives to help. I mean we are only on this earth once and do we want to battle pain for the rest of our lives. It is really intersting that suboxone effects people so differently. Some it helps with pain and some not. In Europe, low doses of suboxone are being given for chronic pain but in the US its only for addiction. Anyway, I really wish you the best with your journey to finding pain relief. I think people do not understand how pain can really a persons mentally and physically. It really ***** (please excuse my french) but do not give up.
Best wishes

[numbsoul1]

Thank you, Ella! I am reading through much of the Health Pages and am so happy to have run across this site. It's amazing how much better I feel to see that there are so many people out there with the same or simular issues. It's like an online NA! I am aware of the depression, and it is sometimes an issue. It's very hard to know that I should be doing so much better and that I could, if I could only get this addiction and pain issue under control. Thanks for all of the support!

[Ella789]

Welcome to the forum!

  One thing that I noticed was how much my pain levels went down once I was through with detox.  I am so sorry that you are having so much to deal with and you are so very young.  I hope you will read through the Health Pages and find topics and info that will help you.  The weekends here are slow sometimes but others will come and post who do know more abt. what you are dealing with.  
  I detoxed off Lortabs after 5 yrs of use for Chronic pain, sle, and fibro.  Within a week I was finished with detox,  then,  as usual there comes the craving, rollercoaster ride with the mind games.  It is rough sometimes, esp. with chronic pain but I have been able to make it nearly 4 mos.   I wish you all the best,  please read others posts and gather all the info you can.  Post often and let us know how you're doing.  Don't forget that depression is sometimes something to be aware of,  and take care of if you need to.

Ella