Pills are my life. HELP!

[ThisIsntMe]

Hey you guys! A little about me... I'm a 23 year old woman who has been takin pills for about 2 years now. I would say it all started when someone offered me a lortab at one of my jobs, but that's just when I started buying pills. Before that my mom would give me some of her tramadol every so often because I have bad joint pain. Long story short eventually I realized it not only helped my pain but also made me feel great. 2 years later and I take adderall, vyvanse, percocet. Norcos, vicodin , tramadol.  I don't take all everyday, just usually what I can buy. I've tried stopping but at my new job there's a guy who they call a street pharmacist and sells all kinda of stuff. I've tried to take some of these pills for withdrawals to stop one addiction but end up getting addicted to that. I'm so so tired of this. Should I find a new job?! I'm behind on all my bills because of this stupid addiction and it's just not me. But I can't stop. My mom has a small idea of what I'm going through but she doesn't know half... I don't want her to know because I don't want to disappoint her. I can't afford rehab . Is there an at home detox or anything? I can't remember the last time I've been sober for over a few days. And even then I wasn't back to normal. I want my happy life back!!

(I think I posted in the wrong board earlier sorry)

[Coperniki]

Hey, 23 here too. Good that it's only been 2 years and you notice the problem pills can cause and are looking to get help. I would definitely get a new job, if you're able to work coming off the drug. I don't know your mom but if she loves you and cares to help, don't worry and let her know. It's probably going to take awhile for your body to know how to act and feel sober. You may need time off and rest. Good luck.

[Yesidid]

Just going to mention cut off ties from your source to stress the importance of what has already been said. You are young. Many of us have ruined big chunks of our lives and hurt people (like our kids) in ways that you don't even want to know. It's okay to be sick for a while. At your age saying I danced with the devil and lived to tell about it is a good thing. I ain't never gonna do that again! Is the phrase you need to live by now. Be sick. Remember and remind yourself often that the depression and anxiety are Chemical and not based in reality. It's only temporary and so so worth it.

[BearsFan1966]

Welcome! Well first off if you truly want to quit then you need to cut all ties of people who have them. As for your mom and you not wanting her to be disappointed in you, Tell her, she knows some thing is going on and I do believe she will be your biggest cheer leader. I know when I quit after 10 years of pain pill use I told everyone in my family, husband, mom, dad, and my children. It was freeing to get that off my shoulders! They all knew some thing was not right with me but did not know what it was. If your mom is still taking pills I agree with Frogger she will need to know and she will have to hide them from you! You need all the support you can get and family is the best!
I used all the over counter products from the Thomas recipe and it helped. The first few days are the worst then you will have to deal with anxiety and depression, lack of energy, and no motivation. So telling them will help you in dealing with all of this. Make sure you drink plenty of water and eat to keep your strength up. Getting outside in the sun helps a lot too!
You can do this and we are here to help and support you any way we can!
Take one minute, one hour, one day at a time!
I would set little goals for myself like if I get threw today I will treat myself with some ice cream tomorrow. You will find yourself giving yourself longer goals and it feels good to complete them with a little treat! Any thing that works to get threw!

[Frogger76]

Hi!! Well, you definitely need to find another job,IMO. The only way this is gonna work for you is to cut all ties with anyone who uses or sells pills. Does your mom still have pills? I only ask because she needs to keep them locked up, and hidden, an addict will rip a house apart to find em (personal experience, lol). You might look up the Thomas recipe, it's supposed to help ease the withdrawals a bit, it's not a ticket out, but some say it really helps. Also now would be a great time to start checking into some type of aftercare program, meetings, counseling, whatever works for you! It is a crucial part of recovery. My prayers are with you my friend. Good luck!!!~Sherry