Please help!!! Tapering off of methadone (again)

[SmilingBright]

Hi guys.  I am tapering one again off of methadone.  I'm at 4 mg and my anxiety is sky high.  Had a cup of coffee this morning (big mistake).  Won't be doing that anymore while detoxing.  Anyways those who know me know hubby is still taking them.  He talks about getting off of them.  But I can't focus on his recovery.  Only mine.  That has been a huge problem of mine the last few years.  
I should be jumping here in the next week or so.  Just needed you guys for support.  You guys are the most caring group of people I've ever met.  I am actually finally admitting or surrendering to the thought of reaching out for external help / counseling or meetings.  Something!!!  I'm desperate.  I want to be a good momma of my two precious boys (5 and 3 yrs old ). They deserve the best!!!
Luckily I just cut back working to only 2 days a week.  So that will help w wds.  
I was no anxious to pair on the public forum again as I have failed so many times.  Feel like I may have lost the support of many friends.  About to call my pastor and talk w him.   I will be back later and check in
Love Chris

[Pat1956100]

Hi Smiling,
I'm glad you are posting.  To you and anyone else just reading this, don't ever think you can't post because you "failed" before, no matter how many times.
The people in this forum have NEVER given up on me.  I know it's hard to come back and admit it (I just did a few days ago) but the support and kindness is always here.

You are sure doing the right thing.  Contacting your pastor was a great idea.  People don't know how lucky they are when they live in a place where they have meetings every day and also many different ones to choose from during the day.  We have 1 meeting a week here and most of the people that attend are court ordered.
I chose counselling and was so lucky to have found the best counsellor ever.
It's really going to be rough for you having someone in your house that is still using.  I don't know if I could do that.  
Make sure you keep reaching out here, no matter what.

Hugs
Pat

[SmilingBright]

Thanks marycarmel!! Yes I feel that's been my biggest challenge is knowing its still in my house and hubby still takes them.  Gives me anxiety and usually makes me resent hubby when I'm clean.  Not good.  Need to do something different this time.  I have my pastor trying to figure out where I can go for help right now.  I'm trying to find meetings during the day on my days off an so can't find any around here:(
Not sure where to start.  I know I need more help than what I've been doing.  I've been bucking the system for too long on getting help and telling my secret.  Fear *****
I will do this and succeed!!!  

[marycarmel]

Love your screen name.  Imdoubt you'll ever lose any support here.  It must be very hard on you with your husband still taking them.  Maybe he'll follow your example.  I've never been on methadone but from other posts, I can tell it's challenging.  You'll get there.

[SmilingBright]

Thanks Ang.  I have to quit and want to quit.  Not sure why it hurts so bad right before a breakthrough.  Geez!!!!!!  

[ariley13]

Hey Chris! I'm so glad to see you posting. I am so proud of you for never giving up on yourself! I don't have much time (gotta leave and run some errands) but I just wanted to tell you you are loved, supported, and you are going to make it girl! I'm here for you if you need me and will check in on you later. Take some deep breaths, say a few prayers, and keep pushing.