Iv realized its a problem...

[Failure88]

Well... just signed up cuz i could really use some help. Iv been smoking oxycontin for about 6 months now and in the time span experimenting with alot of other drugs like smoking opana, heroin, and eating saboxin, morphine and other little pain killers and muscle relaxers. Lately since oxy has become nearly impossible to find anymore since they made them into "OP's" and not "OC's" anymore ive been turning to heroin. But now that the fixes are getting harder and harder to find the withdrawls are making me crazy. cold sweats and frozen hands freak alot of people out when u shake there hand and yours feels like a popsicle yet your armpits are drenched in sweat, i could careless about anything anymore accept getting high with some friends. Ive tried to stay in my room and not go out on the mission for a fix but sitting in my room for hours only makes it seem harder... i can hardly even get into a video game anymore without loosing interest in 15 minutes. huge bursts of depression moments from loosing my jobs and loosing girlfriends where i end up shedding a couple tears cuz im completly unhappy with life. Seems like the only time im happy or even consider myself to feel normal is when im on opiuds whether it be heroin oxycottin or any form of oxycodone from percocets to rapid release oxycodones. I was smoking about atleast 100 mg a day sometimes i would even get a 80 mg and smoke it to the face in one sitting then go grab another one in a half hour and get to smokin on that one... but now OC's are about extint around here and ive been going though a 40 bag of H everyday which is alot cheaper than the OC with the same effect but the withdrawls lately have been driving me crazy and i just dunno what to do with myself to get away from this addiction.

Iv considered going to a hospitol for help but i do own a handgun legally and would like to have more in the future but i hear if i go to any type of mental health place then i loose all my gun rights and the mental health files will be on any backround check for life and if this is true then this for sure is not an option at all.

Cant seek help from family cuz they dont know about my problem and would like to keep it that way as i have already screwed up alot of things in my life like high school and would rather not loose my family over my problem.

Friends are in the same boat as i am so talking to them about it is getting nowhere. We try to convince ourselfs that were gonna stop but 30 mins later when someone says lets go half on a bag it nearly impossible to say no...

The satisfying feeling of the first fix of the day to avoid withdrawls is as great as a long night of sex. The feeling of then being normal and being able to eat after doing it almost forces me to do it. I just wish i could quit without going crazy through withdrawls, cold sweats with freezing hands and drenched in sweat armpits and goosebumps and public anxiety drive me crazy but when i got my fix i feel normal and better than ever loving life. then the next morning its FML untill the next dose.

So if anyone even read this far this is my situation and if you know anything that might help me situation id love to hear it cuz smoking heroin is nasty as **** and you dont even blow any smoke out so it boggles my mind what the hell is happening to it all when u take a fat toke but to fix my opium addiction which started from oxy its all worth it. And if u couldnt tell by now i have a really bad addictive personality when it comes to smoking something. cuz iv been a pothead forever now but i dont even consider that a drug or even "getting high" anymore thats just like a daily cigarette.

-Thanks for hearing me out.

[BrentD]

Wow we share a very similar story. Although my posts and w/d's were from suboxone, I also smoked oxy for a long long time and have done opana and H when it wasnt available. One of the biggest things that made me want to quit was depending on someone else and a drug to feel ok. For instance, thanksgiving is coming up, what if my dealer is being a pain to get a hold of and I cant get anything. Go through w/d's in front of my whole family during thanksgiving? No thanks. And its not only that its like that with everything...work,vacation,doing anything you enjoy you end up going to great lengths to get money and get ahold of something just so you can do what you want without being dope sick. Im 22 days clean now and having those shackles released is AMAZING. I always thought I was hiding my problem from my family pretty good, but they knew what was up and looking back now its kinda silly thinking they didnt. It would be worth it to tell them and gain their support as it will be much needed. Family does amazing things for you when you reach out for help but breaking that initial barrier is very hard I know. I had to work up a lot of courage to tell my family this time around but its the best decision I made. Wish you the best of luck and hope to hear more from you.

-Brent

[BrotherFrankie]

pretty sure your family knows..... open up, ask for help

[feohmoon]

Man - I understand where you are coming from and it is certainly a difficult situation with no quick and easy fix.  Your lifestyle is extremely self-destructive right now and I hope that you make the decision to stop.  I know, way easier to say than to do...but many of the people here on this forum have been in your shoes and were able to recover.
You are so young, please try to get a hold of this before it truly ruins your life.  The upside to being young is that it is easier to detox than when you get a little older - so use that to your advantage and please get the help you need.  I also can understand you not wanting to have something in your background that would indicate a mental health issue...but you have to weigh your options here.  Your life (and quality of life) has to be a priority.  
You seem like a nice guy who has just gotten caught up in things...it is easy to do...but if you want to change your life..you can do it.  You mentioned that you did not  want your family to know but I bet that your family loves you very much and could provide some much needed support for you right now.  As a mother, I would rather my child share something with me (even if it hurt me or disappointed me) than to think of her going through something like this alone.  I would also venture to say that your family would much rather you talk with them and let them in so they could help you than to continue living life the way you have been.
There are some remedies that can help to alleviate some of the pain and discomfort associated with withdrawals...proper vitamins, minerals, drinking Boost or Ensure, taking hot baths with epsom salts - and many others that people will be sharing with you....You can do this if you want to.
I know that it will add a degree of difficulty because it sounds like the people you are close with are users - and staying clean is harder than getting clean (believe me...many of us still struggle daily) -
I hope that you find the help you need - Please continue to post - there are great people here who provide a lot of support, knowledge and encouragement.
Peace

[quitinoxys]

First you should get a different screen name you are not a failure. Listen I was on oxy 80 mg 3X/day and 10 mg percs 3-4X/day for eight years. I got clean by going CT believe me it does suck but after you go through it your done in 4-6 days. I understand about having guns and losing that right because you went to a rehab. You sound like you want to get clean so you have come to the right place. It sounds like you are going through w/d's every day until you fix, well why don't you just go CT and be done with it. Fixing everyday is only prolonging it plus messing with H can kill you. I have a feeling you came to this forum to decide if you were going to take your life back and that is a great first step. Now take the next step and just get clean there are many people (including myself)  who can help you through the process if you chose to do it. You came here for answers and help so please accept mine and I will help you through this process. I will pray for you and for God to give you the strength to make it through this. Keep on posting and please think about getting clean and getting your life back---quitin