Please help

[Pleh714]

I am in tears after reading so many of these posts bc I see myself in everyone of them - I have been taking hydrocodene for the past year and a half - my father was an addict and OD on pills - I never even took advil much and then after he died I got so depressed - a friend gave me some and it was down hill after that - I don't know how it got to this point but I can't stop and I'm scared to death. Everytime I run out of pills my body shuts down - I'm sure u all know the symptoms - so I'm afraid to b without. The worst is that no one knows I take them including my wonderful husband. I love him more than this addiction and I need your help to beat this - I want to beat this.

[Dafishman]

Danny111 had some solid advise there and Addictsfiance did too. You need your man in your corner to help you, hold you and love you thru this. Best thing is when we get truthful the disease of additiction loses its power. When we keep listening to the addictions lies we are toast. Getting honest is the fist step to recover. You done that with use now trust your man. Keep in touch & God bless you. I alredy said a prayer for you. Please try a honest short prayer & wait for a moment of clarity after it.

Keep posting with us and set up your trackers.

Dafishman

[Pleh714]

I appreciate ur support I'm just afraid to quit cold - I feel like I could taper I just don't know how many to take and when - I tried to start cutting back today - I've only had 3 10/500 since this AM whereas usually ive taken 12-18 by now. I know I could taper if I had a better idea of how many to take and when.

[Violetblossom]

You can do this.....we all have been in this place.  I'm only 12 days sober and yesterday I was gonna try to get some.  It's all mental crap after the physical...but like someone else posted, the physical SUX, but you can get thru.  Fake the flu if you have to....

I'm sorry you're in total secret.  My husband knew...I mean I hid sometimes amounts I'd get from the doc, but he knew I was popping them like Chicklits.  

I miss them I'm not going to lie, but it's not so bad without either....and I PRAY it will get better everyday for me and YOU.  Hang in there.....you can do this.  I say just do Cold Turkey...if I had them, I'd just take them to get high, not just two to "taper" down.  Come on, we all know that aint happenin.  Not for me anyway...

Good luck write ANYTIME!!!

[Bad_Obsession]

First off....welcome to MH.  I have been here a while, but more of a lurker than a commenter.  I too know exactly how you feel.  I am scared to death to quit, but I know that the day where I have to quit is coming real soon.  It's either quit, or die eventually.  And the really sad part is, that these damn pills have us so self absorbed in fear that we keep on taking them.  We hide it from the people that care about us the most because we are affraid of what they might think, and then some of us actually think that it may be easier to die, rather than straighten out the mess that we have caused.  I have quit enough times to know that it's all head games that the drugs are playing with you.

Just the thought of going thru WD literally makes me sick to my stomach, so I am currently trying to cut down.  Would a taper program be something that could work for you?  I can tell you that you have to really want to quit, and you have to have discipline to stick to a taper.  Most addicts cant do it- they will take more than what they have alloud themselves in the taper. I am one of those people.  I cheat and take one more today than I am supposed to take, and then end up coming up short later in the taper.  

You have come to the right place.  This forum is wonderful and the people here will always help you out.....but the strength has to come from within you if you are to quit.

Good luck.  Read and post....it seems to help alot.

[MemphisMark]

lol...same thing here wifey thought I was superman for years..lol....and I am not saying thats the right thing to do (hide it) but in my life it just had to be that way....keep posting Pleh714...talking, learing will help you so much

[Danny111]

You've come to a good place.  Most if not all of us have been in the exact position you are in.  I have a wonderful wife and I've never told her I took pills.  We've all done things and lied about things and done sick stuff to get the pills and to hide the fact that we were getting them.

The good news is that you can stop.  For someone in your situation I would say the best thing is to go cold turkey.  For the first 4 days or so you won't feel well but then it will quickly get better.  By the 9th, 10th or 11th day you will be feeling very few if any withdrawal symtoms.  One of the things that keeps people from stopping is fear of the withdrawals.  They are definitely unpleasant but not as bad as the mind makes them up to be.  Part of the sickness of the addiction is the way the mind tricks us into thinking we can't stop.  You can do it.  You'll be crabby and won't feel too well for a few days and it'll be harder to sleep.  But there's no danger involved.  Just feels like a bad flue or something.  

You can do it.  Keep coming on here and posting and reading other posts.  There are some really good people on here.

[sweatinit]

Hi There...really glad you posted. You came here for a reason right? You want to quit? I too was all alone in my addition and today i am 11 days free of drugs. It hasn't been the easiest thing i have ever doen, but this board has helped me greatly. I am so sorry you're feeling bad, but you can do this like the rest of us are. I have not told my husband either, as i functioned like wonder woman when taking perks. (He thinks i had the flu during w/d). anyway keep posting. the peopel here are wonderful and it will ehlp.

[addictsfiance]

Oh and good luck to you... and congrats on taking the first step

[addictsfiance]

I can tell you from the other side that I was happy when my fiance` told me the truth about what was going on with him.... he is on day 2 of quitting and it is not easy I am not going to lie... but if he hadn't told me what was going on I think that I would have felt betrayed along with the other feelings that I am having over him and his addiction... If you are going to quit you need to at least come clean with your husband about what is going on with you.... If he is anything like me he probably has already noticed something wrong... just doesn't have a finger on what it is yet.

[MemphisMark]

You will be fine, we all wear scared at one time or another it will pass.  The bright shiny other side always overcomes any fear you may have.  Use these boards there are good people here that are more than willing to help.