Problems

[LEG37]

I thought I would read a few posts before I posted my problem. I was prescribed Hydrocodone March 2007 for a torn archilles tendon. Took the meds as prescribed and was able to get off of them on my own, no problems. However life started crashing down on me and I was looking for them to help with the everyday stressors. I know, not good, but as of Monday this week, I was caught stealing them Hydros from work. I worked in a CBRF, and I was taken to the hospital, because I stated that I wanted to crawl in a hole...I guess that meant I was going to kill myself. I lost my job, which I had just started in June, after being fired from a job I held for 6 years, because of knowing just a little too much...anyway...life has not been good lately, going through bankruptcy, not so good of a marriage, having an affiar....my son has cognitive disabilties and I am left to deal with everything.....hubby thinks that doing the dishes and the laundry makes up for everything else. I was put on a medication for depression, went through the DETOX...I am home now, it has been one day and I WANT a pill.......just so I do not have to THINK....anyone shed some ideas for me. Would appreciate it....not only am I unemployed now....my own stupidity...never thought I would get caught...it happens. I was not arrested...but I am sure I will get some legal ramifications out of this and possibly lose my CNA license. I am a total wreck. Any help would be nice. This is my first offense of anything of this nature.
LEG37

[kimmiek]

Hi, I am so sorry that you are going thru this very hard time.  We've all made mistakes were not proud of.  Try to keep your chin up.  Like your mom's telling you, pray!!  If you never read your bible, maybe start now.  Theres lots of help in there.  Read the Psalms or Proverbs or look around in the New Testament.  Get a version thats easy to read.  God is a forgiving God.  His word says that when we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins AND cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  Also, He says to cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you.  Sounds like you have alot of "cares".  LIfe is so hard sometimes and sometimes we make our own messes with our choices and sometimes other peoples choices make messes for us.  God understands all of that and He loves us.  He says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  He doesnt wait for us to get perfect, He meets us right where we are.  All you have to do is ask Him, talk to Him.  He will help you.  He helps me all the time.  I'll be praying for you.  I hope you feel better soon and find some peace despite these hard circumstances.  Kim

[GoingToMakeIt]

Are you able to get some counseling? Maybe at a church. You have too many things on your platter. A non-biased point of view will help you decide what to do. When we are overwhelmed, we can't prioritize very well. Much less cope.

[LEG37]

Thanks to everyone. I really appreciate this forum, so far, it has helped me reading all the posts. I know that having an affair is not the answer, but I am working on it. I have the support of my family and friends at this time. I continue having the panic attacks and the chills. Mom says, when you feel like taking a pill...( I DO NOT HAVE ANY) PRAY!! Prayer is better than a pill. It is hard. I never thought I would be in this situation. Never in a million years. Here I am, and I am telling my story. I think the biggest thing I am worrying about, is the legal stuff that is going to come of this. I have been doing alot of deep breathing, sometimes almost to the point of blacking out. Chest hurts....
I worked FULL-TIME and brought home most of the money, and hubby only works 6 hours a night, refuses to find another job...He would go out to the bars, spend all the money we had for the week...I would have to borrow from family just to make it. He would come home, falling all over the place...bloody mess...seen by both kids...and than tell me that he was at some girls apartment. Fast forward...started a new job (ME), met this wonderful man, that actually paid attention to me and the kids...no screaming at all.....willing to help me around the house...life was great. So I thought....anyway....hubby threaten to kill himself in front of the kids and I, said he refuses to pay child support if he left..and will not leave. Going through Bankruptcy, dealing with a child that needs 24 hour attention. Basically up my arsh every time he is home. Dealing with the schools, having a teenager....almost losing the house, not able to keep up with anything....the pills helped. Took my mind off of everything, I was nicer, happier.
Long enough. I want help. I will keep reading and posting and AGAIN  THANKS!!!!
LEG37

[petiteme]

Wow proud of you for telling your story. Like you I have no support at home and have alot of other things to deal with its so hard to pull myself out of bed and handle it all and trying to quit an addiction too. I go on here, I read when I can, I pray, I listen to my daughter or watch her play, watching tv I do but hard to pay atttention to it, I clean its soooooooooo hard to get started but once I get going its good for me I start with a cup of tea lots of water force myself to eat and FORCE myself to do things. Keep the hope----and keep posting

[notme123]

"hubby thinks that doing the dishes and the laundry makes up for everything else."

Whats everything else??? Whatever it is doesn't justify an affair...but i guess thats for another board.

[sickcookie]

Life can really spin out of control when the pills take control of our lives,but you can get to the other side.First you have to want it more than anything not because you were caught(which sounds like a real loud wakeup call)but because we are sick and tired.If you really want it read all posts,then read again and again.Get vitamins,ditch the affair and get serious about taking care of yourself and child.IT will not be easy but either was the situations that this addictionhave put us in..When your mind is asking for pills read your post you were so honest which is so hard to do but it will remind you what the fight is all about.I am not judging I am 52 and have been there big time.I only have 11 days from this round but if you hang in there it will get better.My heart breaks for you now I hope this does not come off as mean I think you just brouht back memoriesthat I have repressed.We are here if you choose and I hope you do.Hang in there

[Jacqui805]

Legs, I would get out of the house.  It may be difficult for you because you may be to depressed to do that, but try.  Get to a crowded place like a mall, and if you have any means, I'd try to buy something small for myself.  Go with it in mind,  with a realistic spending limit of say no more than $20.00.  Another option also would be to have a good friend be with you wherever.  Tell them what's going on and ask them to be there for any calls to them or visits needed.  Point is, you're more likely to use right now because of the reasons you used before, and now they're compounded.  Don't stack the chips against yourself, you know this yourself already.  Also, you could look up the local chapter of alcoholics anonymous and go.  The point here is that it sounds like you're gonna need support.  Otherwise, you really are making it harder for yourself, but this is NOT to say that you couldn't do it on your own.  Why make things harder than they need to be with less of a chance of success?  Hope this helps...if nothing else, keep writing here, that's what I'm doing (Day 12 for me)

[LEG37]

Thanks for the Welcome. Yes, I want to stop them. Computer right now is distracting me.
Just worrying about all that is going to happen.

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum.
As you know, a pill is not going to help anything!
Do you WANT to stop taking them?

as far as not thinking...read a book, watch a movie, put a puzzle together.
find something to distract you....
good luck