ready to be free from opiates

[imrprod]

I have been addicted to pills and fentanyl for 5 years. Spent most of it on vicodin and about a year going nuts with stronger meds. I got off the hard stuff and have weaned all the way down to 1 750mg and a half of a 750 mg vicodin per day....from smoking 5 fentanyl patches in a day..It has been a long hard road that cost me a bankruptcy and will soon cost me my home. I am ready to get my life back and am willing to pay the consequences without whining, I had a 20 year run in this house and I have to move on sober. I finally told a family member of my problem and she has been giving me the pills each day. Today I took a half less than she gave me. I am soooooo ready to be done with this. I have felt no withdrawals during this latest vicodin reduction. I went through a lot getting off fentanyl and oxy but so far this time not so bad. Once I got off the hard stuff I was taking up to 8 500 mg vics a day and no more. I have weaned down to here and have pills cut in halves to continue the taper to a low low dose. I am in a masters program so I am hoping to limit withdrawals but ready to deal with whatever comes. I have been to this site before but was unwilling to truly accept that I can't continue to run from myself. I want to feel. I want to deal with the financial mess and get it behind me instead of just making it worse. I am so happy I feel like crying all the time tears of joy. I know I am not out of the woods but from where I have been I am getting much closer. Telling my family member changed a lot. I am no longer keeping this secret that was killing me. I don't want to let her down so that is giving he strength when I can't find it in myself. I pray every morning, noon and night to stay hungry for sobriety. I go to meetings. I just want to be free of this monkey on my back. I tried suboxone but found that even a tiny peice is equal to much more than a 500 mg vicodin and always left me in deep withdrawal when I tried to get off of it. It actually made me very sick even when taking it for some reason. I don't want another drug I just want off. Has anyone EVER successfully weaned down to a minimal amount of vicodin. I rarely see that this is possible from the posts. I am determined to do it and face whatever comes. If you have done it does it help reduce withdrawals at all? I am just trying to prepare but like I said I have all of the needed OTC stuff and vitamins and amino acid and stuff to help me through whatever comes. I am more concerned with anxiety and depression but like I said I know that it will end and I can get through it with God and others....pray for me please and I will return with an update as I move through it. I have enough pieces to take me for a couple weeks slowly reducing the amount as I have read is a good idea...so far not so bad at all at about 1 and half pills a day...like taking 2 5/500's a day at present and going down again by a half in a couple more days....

[gnarly_1]

HEY.....I think you have done alll the damage reduction you can and its just time to jump ship you should have minimal withdrawals from the dose your at time to bite the bullet and get it over with from here down I really don't think its going to make a difference you'll probably get a couple of days feeling crappy but i don't think much more then that wont know till you try but I have watched a lot of people taper once you get to where your at it time to let it go good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[justneedtotalk]

Sounds like you have a good solid plan....Each is different when detoxing, god knows I have my own ritual.  I think the hardest part of detox for me is the craving in the beginning.  It is still so new to not be able to reach over and grab a pill when you start to fell crappy.  I would usually end up taking a few in hopes of finding some kine of happiness.  I know that all we have to do is not use....such a simple and easy fix to a horrible problem but seems like next to impossible.  I too relapse often and have never really had any significant time sober for the past 5 years.  I too worked my way up to a tougher opiate (Methadone) it was extremely difficult to get off of but did it.  The hydro habbit has been the tough thing for me to stay off of.  The first couple of days back on them after a week or two is just the best.  After the first few days you quickly build back your tolerance and are chasing that high until the pills are gone.  I used to try and budget myself each day but once I chugged my first four in the morning I would say the hell of it and have a higher than heck day.  I so want to end this once and for all.  Well...best of luck with your taper and it really sounds like you are in the right place to quit.  I too hope that I make the right decision tomorrow....God bless!

[imrprod]

I appreciate the support. I have gone cold turkey but never made it..I am doing well with this taper schedule and am currently working and in school so I am going to do what I can to minimize the withdrawals. I know what you are saying but with the relapse rate I have had I really want to do whatever I can to get off for good..no more drugs period. The more I can help my body adjust the better chances I think I will have. It is not about being tough or weak it is about being able to stay off drugs for good for me. Getting off fentanyl was very hard but I did it and I had to wean down from that as well to get through it and stay off. My contact callled me several times since then and I don't return the calls. I don't want to go back only forward and into a sober life.

[justneedtotalk]

Congrats!  This is a very difficult thing you are doing here and this will dictate how you are going to spend the next couple of years of your life.  Keeping those goals of coming out of financial perril will help you stay sober.  I honestly think that if your down to that much hydro then I would just jump off now.....just tell your family member to cut you off no matter what....matter of fact, have them flush them.  You will go through withdrawal but it will be minimal compared to what you are used to.  Keep taking your multivitamins and supplements and try and get some exercise.....Exercise truly is the key.  I would recomment getting some whey protien shakes and start taking two of them daily with a banana ground up within.  This combination will help you feel better a lot faster and you will get out from underneith the horrible physical effects and enter the PAWS stage.  This is where you want to maintain your suppliments and shakes and make sure you are going to daily meetings...This is when you will get days of craving or when you run across a new or old source and you are confronted with that decision.  To date I have not been successful.  I made it a few months but am back onto the semi monthly habbit.  I have enough for a 10-15 day bender but then have to detox the rest of the month.  It is miserable and this is day 1 AGAIN.....I have a buddy that will have some available tomorrow but not enough to get me through to my next big hook up.....So....Here I am once again feeling miserable coming off a 120mg hydro habbit a day and am on day 1.  Cold turkey is always the best way.....I hope I have the strength to turn my buddy down tomorrow and get back onto the sobriety bus myself.....We are all in the same boat, some just farther along than others.....God bless