Question from shocked wife of newly disclosed husband's opiate use/abuse.

[Kat92365]

Hello, My husband has just told me that he has been using/abusing opiates for over a year and a half without my knowledge. (I did wonder where the money was going but didn't think of anything like that.) Anyway, he is detoxing himself (allegedly) and is very weepy and has an answer for everthing. He is suddenly an expert on drug detox and withdrawal and everything related. He is almost 40 years old. We are upper middle class people, have 5 sons from toddler age to college......I am at a loss. Question - is it likely he can detox himself?

[Kat92365]

Hey - thanks!!I appreciate your help and support (as well as everyone's.) Understanding the mind of an addict is......well.....I have no words. And, to understand the mind of an addict that you are married to and shared my life with for years and had no idea - wow!!  Right now - my mind is going over and over all the past crap - trying to figure out when I could have picked up on it. I know - I know - it doesn't matter now - but, well - I guess I am still in shock.
I mean - each day - my hub's first couple of words to me are about some type of drug!!  Lately, it is about getting sleeping pills. His doc JUST today (I forgot to mention it earlier) gave him an anti-depressant Abilify???? I think he said. So, in my mind, I am wondering - did he tell the doc about the drug use/abuse(I don't even know what to call it)?  Is he just saying that he is depressed?  

I mean, he is so so so snowing his parents - you may have read that he told them about the oxycontins - but now - they want to fix him and are sending him for accupuncture and - well - I am like???????????????????????????????  what the hell?

I don't know. My feelings about all this has changed about a thousand times in a week.

Ugghghhhhhh - glad you all are here for me.

Danny was/is so right (Above) about me needing a wake up call - I do. Going to try to go to an alanon meeting this weekend. We'll see. Not sure if I am ready for all that yet.

Thanks again.
Kat

[shauna268]

Although I am an addict myself, steroids ruined my relationship of five years. My EX was a charming, beautiful, intelligent, wonderful man...and wasn’t using when we first started dating. after about a year or two, he started to get into the whole bodybuilder scene. The thing about steroid users...is aside from the obvious side effects...mood swings...aggression...aggravation...there is a whole underground community associated with them. My EX...the bigger he got...he started to be associated with bikers...cheating...partying...and turned into someone I didn't know...and yes...because of steroids. Just be advised that for my ex, a lifestyle usually comes along with steroid users. All the best and hopefully you're situation is ALOT different then mine.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I too had to laugh about the steroids except I read "It shrinks with use!" lol

Kat, I'm proud of you. You have had to deal with a lot. It is very hard to understand the mind of an addict.

[Kat92365]

Hi everyone. I made it through another day without freaking out!!  Woooo!!  Anyway, my hub and I just did some yard work. While we were doing it - one of the secretaries from the company came by with some freaking sleeping pills for him. I was like WHHHHAAATTTTTT!!????  OMG! She was like, "I know he's been having such a hard time sleeping blah blah blah."  OMG!  She's about 60. I was a bit pissy about that too. Seems drug seeking to me.

Danny, you are right. I am in the dark about drugs. I sure know about steroids but I didn't know he was into them at all. So, I guess I am in la la land a  bit more than I thought.
Haaaa - and I did mention about the penis thing.  hahahaha  crack me up. He said, "oh stop - it just f's with the testicles not the penis".  And, well, he didn't really say it that nicely.  Way to funny!  Thanks.

He says he is going to actually increase whatever steroids he WAS taking before he went off the oxycontins. Why?????? I don't know.  He says he is having  more difficult time at the gym now than two weeks ago when he was still taking that many drugs. Seems weird to me.

Also - back to drugs. He has a bottle of Ativan 2mg pills. I found those - right out there on his bureau. He said he got them b/c he can't sleep.
I don't know. I guess I have to take care of me and the kids and he has to take care of him. But.....what? What if he doesn't stop? What if he doesn't really want to?
He really still thinks it "doesn't affect our lives". He says that regularly. I think it is like him having some girlfriend or something.

He did go to lunch with his father today. He said "wow - my dad is such an enabler. He said 'I knew you were taking my medicine but I didn't want to get you into trouble with mom or your wife so I didn't say anything."  

Oh, his mom is trying to "fix his problems". She signed him up for 10 accupuncture treatments at 95.00 a shot. OMG! He went for the first one today.

I feel like my life is flipped over in the past month.

Thank God I still do my job and have my kids and they still have the same issues.

How's everyone one?

Kat

[nomo357]

I am a believer in the gene thing! sounded silly but oh well! :) Anyway..my whole family is littered with addicts and I don't mean one or two. My moms sisters married my dads brothers/uncle so I have the same family on both sides, double cousins!!! They say that double cousins are the closest biological person to you besides your siblings (and parents), and from what I've heard are very much like siblings! I have four double cousins, every single one of us is addicted to pills. ALL of us, and we didn't grow up in similar upbringings. They grew up in homes of parents who were alcoholics and I grew up with parents who never drank or did drugs and did everything they could to make sure I didn't end up that way, they gave me the very best start they could! My mom warned me in high school, that I needed to be extra careful because addiction ran rampant through the family but I just didn't get it, she was right. My mothers mom was addicted to pills way back when, and her dad was an alcholic. My dads dad was also an alcoholic and most of my cousins on that side are addicted to drugs as well. Double cousin #1 is in jail for drug related charges, double cousin #2 is currently in prison and has been for the past 10 years, had a few times out here and there but ultimately can't live functionally outside of prison) double cousin # 3, just ruined her marriage and living without electricity or water. double cousin #4, dead from a methadone overdoes. Methadone also killed my aunt, the dr prescribed her 3x the normal dosage to get off hydrocodone.. one of the few family members who I was really close with, her son was also the one who died from methadone. His death cause is somewhat unknown, he know he died of methadone, however he died on Christmas Eve, we buried his mother the year before of Christmas Eve, I think he knew not to mix other drugs with methadone as he was a drug user for years, he also drank which I know he knew better than to do, the police have never been able to prove it but people with him and his wife that night said she gave him extra pills after he was high, so we will never know in this life. All those people in my family with lives RUINED from addiction...it kills me, I will not let it get me too, I WONT! I draw strength daily from my aunt and my cousin, I know they are up in heaven rooting me on daily!

Needless to say I am scared to death for my children! Don't underestimate the genetic factor

[barbiefrank]

My husband started his detox 2 weeks ago today, and now he seems very distant.  Is that normal?  He is leaving Monday for a 1 year rehab program.  Has anyone done this type of rehab?