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RE-POST OF DBIRD'S REQUEST FOR HELP
We are SO sorry to have to remove all the wonderful comments you gave to Dbird, but sadly we had to delete JOEY30005's offer to sell drugs, which required that we remove all comments. We are also tracking "Joey" and will report him to the appropriate authorities when we find him. Thanks to all of you who are so wonderfully supportive & protective of the forum. If anyone sees ANY inappropriate postings, please let us know ASAP. Email: staff@medhelp.
MED HELP INTERNATIONAL
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Posted By: dbird on Monday, August 13, 2001
HI EVERYONE, IM A 25 YEAR OLD GUY WHO IS SLOWLY LETTING PAINKILLERS TAKE OVER MY LIFE.ITS TO THE POINT WERE I CAN'T WORK ,SOCIALIZE, OR DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING WITHOUT BEING HIGH. THE CRAZY THING IS IM NOT HIGH, IM NORMAL. [LET ME EXPLAIN]I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A VERY EMOTIONAL AND DEPRESSED PERSON, AND MY JUNIOR YEAR AT COLLEGE PUT ME OVER THE EDGE. I WENT FROM PAXIL TO PROZAC TO CELEXA. THESE MEDS NEVER REALLY HELPED.ONE DAY AT WORK A CO-WORKER GAVE ME A FEW ULTRAM.I FELT REALLY RELAXED AND NORMAL. NOW 2 YEARS LATER IM TAKING 10 VICODEN ES ADAY. I AM NEVER DEPRESSED AND FEEL NORMAL.I HATE THE DEEP DOWN SHAME I FEEL FOR DOING THIS.I THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER TO KILL MYSELF THAN RID MYSELF OF THIS ADDICTION. THE REASON BEING NOT THE PHYSICAL WITHDRAWL BUT THE MENTAL.I AM IN A SITUATION WERE I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT GO THROUGH AN IN PATIENT DETOX PROGRAM. I AM IN THE PROCESS OFF TAPPERING DOWN, BUT ALWAYS END UP FAILING.IF I CANT GET CLEAN , THIS IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE.
SO SCARED-NEED ADVICE,
MICHAEL
MED HELP INTERNATIONAL
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Posted By: dbird on Monday, August 13, 2001
HI EVERYONE, IM A 25 YEAR OLD GUY WHO IS SLOWLY LETTING PAINKILLERS TAKE OVER MY LIFE.ITS TO THE POINT WERE I CAN'T WORK ,SOCIALIZE, OR DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING WITHOUT BEING HIGH. THE CRAZY THING IS IM NOT HIGH, IM NORMAL. [LET ME EXPLAIN]I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A VERY EMOTIONAL AND DEPRESSED PERSON, AND MY JUNIOR YEAR AT COLLEGE PUT ME OVER THE EDGE. I WENT FROM PAXIL TO PROZAC TO CELEXA. THESE MEDS NEVER REALLY HELPED.ONE DAY AT WORK A CO-WORKER GAVE ME A FEW ULTRAM.I FELT REALLY RELAXED AND NORMAL. NOW 2 YEARS LATER IM TAKING 10 VICODEN ES ADAY. I AM NEVER DEPRESSED AND FEEL NORMAL.I HATE THE DEEP DOWN SHAME I FEEL FOR DOING THIS.I THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER TO KILL MYSELF THAN RID MYSELF OF THIS ADDICTION. THE REASON BEING NOT THE PHYSICAL WITHDRAWL BUT THE MENTAL.I AM IN A SITUATION WERE I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT GO THROUGH AN IN PATIENT DETOX PROGRAM. I AM IN THE PROCESS OFF TAPPERING DOWN, BUT ALWAYS END UP FAILING.IF I CANT GET CLEAN , THIS IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE.
SO SCARED-NEED ADVICE,
MICHAEL
Me again...
Hub made it back safely from motorcycle trip to see old friends 200 miles up the state, he was gone overnight.
His old friends only lectured him continously which only pissed him off, and he came home disgusted. One old friend took him to a local bar so they 'could talk in private' he has a 10-year old daughter at home. while he was lecturing him about drug-use, he proceeded to buy him two beers (????? um, what's wrong with that picture - is it just me? - hello). This man is an RN in an emergency room, and has battled his own addictions of sorts.
So my husband returns, chaos returns to the house, everything must revolve around him. Everything i do for him goes unappreciated as usual... he lives him a world which revolves around himself. BTW, he's drinking again, and thinks there's nothing wrong with that... only reason he isn't drugging more than he had is lack of funds. He's also smoking pot again whenever he gets his hands on it.
He left with $60 in his pocket, and some more pocket change (i'll find out exactly how much when the check clears). He had the nerve to ask me to wire him some money because he had run out while up there -- he stayed overnight with a friend, had a gas card for gas for the bike... HELLO! I refused, i told him i gave him more than enough (money we didn't have to start with), and that he made his own choices and has to live with his choices. He got real high as he as leaving, spending some of the money on drugs. He had left, only to return home 1 1/2 hours later claiming he had to by bungies for his stuff on the bike... that took 1 1/2 hours, again HELLO!!!
He keeps forgetting that i am an addict too, and he can't fool one of his own kind! Plus, i've been around the block a time or two with his games in the past.
So he comes home, irritable, snappy at everyone, completely unappreciative of all that i do for him, refusing to get up off the couch because he is in too much pain (still withdrawling from the methadone i keep telling him, and it's going to take a while). I took the day off so i could drive him to go get his new company vehicle. I've done so much for this man only to here him complain about everything, only saying thank you for things when i first say 'and you're welcome for blah blah blah etc. etc. etc.) The kids make noise, he yells at me. I don't answer the phone when he calls (busy outside, or just can't get to it, baby in tub, or whatever), and he gets mad. I run circles around this man, and he expects no less... Another thing he did was tell me that if i planned on going up north anytime soon to visit all my family, that i couldn't go, because he needs me here. His new job, which he starts on monday, is suppose to require some traveling to places like mexico, so america, the keys, bahamas, lots of really cool places, all on an expense account. He seems unenthused, and very negitive.
So here's the clincher, he gets made because i don't want to get intimate with him... i'm sorry, but when a person takes no interest whatsoever in anything going on in my life, only has negative things to say, and gets angry at anything that annoys him, because he is irritable and going through a hard time; i just don't feel like being 'intimate' with a person like that. Personally, he creates anxiety for him, and makes me nervous whenever he is around. I was relieved and actually happy for a change when he was gone in rehab for the month. I've expressed my feelings, but he only seems to lead back to one thing, he needs affection, and why can't i just do that one thing. At times i feel like he chews me up and spits me out, there's not much left of me after being around him, i'm drained. I told him that he needs to stop centering his world around 'himself', and that is his biggest problem. If he stopped focusing on himself all of the time, be might find that he is a happier person. I asked if they had addressed that problem in rehab, he said no.
He told me that his outcome of his psychoanalysis was (as series of hundreds of questions), they determined that he was: rational in his thinking, above average intelligence, and also that he has lacked affection his entire life (I've been in almost 1/2 of his life). I'm sorry that i can't give him what he really truly needs, and i suggested we go our separate ways because honesty he makes me very nervous when he's around... nothing's ever good enough for him... he got all defensive and said why can't i just do that one thing for him... but i can't. I'm not saying there's never some intimacy, but when he acts like this, like he has been since he began using again (before rehab, he just wasn't capable of intimacy --- but again that was my fault of course).
I told him that i was fed up and tired. That i wanted to start thinking of myself more, and focusing on what makes me happy for a change. He thinks that's ok, but once i start focusing on myself, the tune always changes.
I just cannot give myself to someone who acts the way he does... personally, i am devasted about his relapse (although i'm still guilty of my own using not ending yet -- which he's not part of, or is aware of, so that is hard for me too). His drug and alcohol use was way out of control, it was causing job-related problems, his whole thinking process was confused. A little was never enough, and he would do anything and everything to get the drug, pulling us down fast. I might be kidding myself, but i've always felt i've at least had one foot in reality, mainly because of the kids... i could have always let my addiction get much much much more out of control than i ever allowed it too. I've always had to be clear enough minded to make sure that the kids were safe and at least one parent had some sanity. Again, maybe i'm fooling myself, and i don't what to act like i was better or that i am better than he is. I just know that with his liver, there is no more room for abuse... it just can't take much more before he developes cirrosis. I had my liver checked, and i am in perfect help (for now at least, and i still have some work to do on myself, and i know that).
He seems to have completely given up. When i talk about him possibly needing to leave and go find the 'love' he is looking for (which won't happen, because he will still be the same person), he says he will just kill himself then... (i know he's playing mindgames with me, he's very good at that... although i know to take it seriously because my best friend growing up, her husband did kill himself after a terrible bout with alcohol... he just couldn't handle life anymore.
I try and i try so hard to support, in fact too much, i baby him, and told him that he might be better off without me anyway. I'm always behind him picking up all the pieces and in front of him clearing out all the landminds, and i'm tired!
He says no love, he goes for the drugs to fill the hole.
This is sad, and i pray to god for strengh, and to show me a way to handle this mess.
I could give him to love (but i don't fake things well, i'm much too sincere of a person), although i love him to pieces, i feel very hurt and angry. I told him from now on i will tell him how i am feeling when he does something hurtful to me... that way at least he will be aware... i have a feeling it will only **** him off and he will either say i'm being too sensitive, or that i'm wrong in my thinking!
What to do?
Thanks for listening!
Lv Jenny
Hub made it back safely from motorcycle trip to see old friends 200 miles up the state, he was gone overnight.
His old friends only lectured him continously which only pissed him off, and he came home disgusted. One old friend took him to a local bar so they 'could talk in private' he has a 10-year old daughter at home. while he was lecturing him about drug-use, he proceeded to buy him two beers (????? um, what's wrong with that picture - is it just me? - hello). This man is an RN in an emergency room, and has battled his own addictions of sorts.
So my husband returns, chaos returns to the house, everything must revolve around him. Everything i do for him goes unappreciated as usual... he lives him a world which revolves around himself. BTW, he's drinking again, and thinks there's nothing wrong with that... only reason he isn't drugging more than he had is lack of funds. He's also smoking pot again whenever he gets his hands on it.
He left with $60 in his pocket, and some more pocket change (i'll find out exactly how much when the check clears). He had the nerve to ask me to wire him some money because he had run out while up there -- he stayed overnight with a friend, had a gas card for gas for the bike... HELLO! I refused, i told him i gave him more than enough (money we didn't have to start with), and that he made his own choices and has to live with his choices. He got real high as he as leaving, spending some of the money on drugs. He had left, only to return home 1 1/2 hours later claiming he had to by bungies for his stuff on the bike... that took 1 1/2 hours, again HELLO!!!
He keeps forgetting that i am an addict too, and he can't fool one of his own kind! Plus, i've been around the block a time or two with his games in the past.
So he comes home, irritable, snappy at everyone, completely unappreciative of all that i do for him, refusing to get up off the couch because he is in too much pain (still withdrawling from the methadone i keep telling him, and it's going to take a while). I took the day off so i could drive him to go get his new company vehicle. I've done so much for this man only to here him complain about everything, only saying thank you for things when i first say 'and you're welcome for blah blah blah etc. etc. etc.) The kids make noise, he yells at me. I don't answer the phone when he calls (busy outside, or just can't get to it, baby in tub, or whatever), and he gets mad. I run circles around this man, and he expects no less... Another thing he did was tell me that if i planned on going up north anytime soon to visit all my family, that i couldn't go, because he needs me here. His new job, which he starts on monday, is suppose to require some traveling to places like mexico, so america, the keys, bahamas, lots of really cool places, all on an expense account. He seems unenthused, and very negitive.
So here's the clincher, he gets made because i don't want to get intimate with him... i'm sorry, but when a person takes no interest whatsoever in anything going on in my life, only has negative things to say, and gets angry at anything that annoys him, because he is irritable and going through a hard time; i just don't feel like being 'intimate' with a person like that. Personally, he creates anxiety for him, and makes me nervous whenever he is around. I was relieved and actually happy for a change when he was gone in rehab for the month. I've expressed my feelings, but he only seems to lead back to one thing, he needs affection, and why can't i just do that one thing. At times i feel like he chews me up and spits me out, there's not much left of me after being around him, i'm drained. I told him that he needs to stop centering his world around 'himself', and that is his biggest problem. If he stopped focusing on himself all of the time, be might find that he is a happier person. I asked if they had addressed that problem in rehab, he said no.
He told me that his outcome of his psychoanalysis was (as series of hundreds of questions), they determined that he was: rational in his thinking, above average intelligence, and also that he has lacked affection his entire life (I've been in almost 1/2 of his life). I'm sorry that i can't give him what he really truly needs, and i suggested we go our separate ways because honesty he makes me very nervous when he's around... nothing's ever good enough for him... he got all defensive and said why can't i just do that one thing for him... but i can't. I'm not saying there's never some intimacy, but when he acts like this, like he has been since he began using again (before rehab, he just wasn't capable of intimacy --- but again that was my fault of course).
I told him that i was fed up and tired. That i wanted to start thinking of myself more, and focusing on what makes me happy for a change. He thinks that's ok, but once i start focusing on myself, the tune always changes.
I just cannot give myself to someone who acts the way he does... personally, i am devasted about his relapse (although i'm still guilty of my own using not ending yet -- which he's not part of, or is aware of, so that is hard for me too). His drug and alcohol use was way out of control, it was causing job-related problems, his whole thinking process was confused. A little was never enough, and he would do anything and everything to get the drug, pulling us down fast. I might be kidding myself, but i've always felt i've at least had one foot in reality, mainly because of the kids... i could have always let my addiction get much much much more out of control than i ever allowed it too. I've always had to be clear enough minded to make sure that the kids were safe and at least one parent had some sanity. Again, maybe i'm fooling myself, and i don't what to act like i was better or that i am better than he is. I just know that with his liver, there is no more room for abuse... it just can't take much more before he developes cirrosis. I had my liver checked, and i am in perfect help (for now at least, and i still have some work to do on myself, and i know that).
He seems to have completely given up. When i talk about him possibly needing to leave and go find the 'love' he is looking for (which won't happen, because he will still be the same person), he says he will just kill himself then... (i know he's playing mindgames with me, he's very good at that... although i know to take it seriously because my best friend growing up, her husband did kill himself after a terrible bout with alcohol... he just couldn't handle life anymore.
I try and i try so hard to support, in fact too much, i baby him, and told him that he might be better off without me anyway. I'm always behind him picking up all the pieces and in front of him clearing out all the landminds, and i'm tired!
He says no love, he goes for the drugs to fill the hole.
This is sad, and i pray to god for strengh, and to show me a way to handle this mess.
I could give him to love (but i don't fake things well, i'm much too sincere of a person), although i love him to pieces, i feel very hurt and angry. I told him from now on i will tell him how i am feeling when he does something hurtful to me... that way at least he will be aware... i have a feeling it will only **** him off and he will either say i'm being too sensitive, or that i'm wrong in my thinking!
What to do?
Thanks for listening!
Lv Jenny
Hey Milo, thank you and thank you for the compliment re: my age and my pic,,,Yes, I will be 41 on September 18, OMG exactly 4 weeks from today? ewwwwwwwwwwww last year when I turned 40 I sobbed my mom helped me through that....she is gone so guess where I;ll be coming to sob now LOL you guessed it.....how is dad? My Pryaers are going out to you and the milo family tonight love to all cin
My sweet Jenny from Florida!
After reading your posts, it looks like your husband is doing to you what my stepfather did to me and my mother. All the classic signs of someone who is completely controlled by "getting and staying high", and saying things like he will "blow his brains out" before he gets help...well, what do YOU say to him when he says that? Do you ever mention your 3 children and them being left without a father at such young ages and the lifelong torment for ALL of your relatives to have to live with? Those kinds of sick, twisted headgames should NOT be taken lightly, nor should they be TOLERATED!!! If he uses that, you might even ponder the option of telling him "go ahead!", but then again, he might be serious......it's one big ****-sandwich and I wish there was a "magical cure" for such sickness (don't we all)...
Your mentioning of your husband always turning everything back to you is CLASSIC denial and manipulation. It's a no-win situation! I dealt with a stepfather who LOVED to sit and play mindgames with me everytime I begged him to put a lid on his drinking (little did I know he did LOADS of cocaine and pills too). He'd say things like "so what will happen if I quit drinking? What will YOU do to help me?" (btw he would normally drink WHOLE BOTTLES of Crown Royal Whisky a day!), all of this when I was 8 years old! Then my mother would plead for him to stop and he'd say "if I quit drinking, will YOU quit cigarettes?". He was a MASTER at winning an argument or just making YOU look like the unreasonable one! Even if you caught him stabbing someone to death with blood all over his hands, he would be able to rationalize his way out of it! He's the type of person who, if you were to meet him on the street, he'd seem like the PERFECT, WELL-ROUNDED, CARING individual, but pull back the veil and he is the very embodiment of what the devil would be in human form!!!
I'm not trying to bring you down Jenny, but I'll just say that the way I had to deal with my stepfather was complete disassociation! Even harder was that he was my father figure from when I was 3 years old!
He used to keep me up until 4, 5, 6 in the morning on SCHOOL nights with his drunken babble. He introduced me to pot when I was 15, he told me that "life is about taking money from other people and doing 'good' things with it", and that "all people SUCK!". He wrecked my mom's car and told me that it was because he'd heard that my mom had gone to the SUPERBOWL with her friends instead of going to visit her mother when it was really because he was ****-drunk and had a mistress in the car with him (who ran from the scene). He beat me up. He stole my money. I'd catch him with white lines under his nose and he'd rationalize it away. It's taken me 4 years to even BEGIN to try and trust people now, and I'm still struggling...I have NO friends! Nor does my mother! His goal was to have ALL the attention on HIM and ONLY HIM! He stole jewelry from my mom and blamed it on the maid...I could go on forever! Someone once said that if you were to drop that man from a 1-story building, he'd explode on contact because of all the **** in his system...
What I'm trying to get at is that, from my own experience with a self-absorbed person like that, I was FORCED into doing tough love! ZERO F***ING TOLERANCE! At some point, all people have to try and fend for themselves without babysitting grown human beings. Your hub may even need intense psychotherapy, if he's talking about ending it all were he to quit drugs! I read that and it just makes my heart sink, because I can picture your situation like you live next door, but at the same time I'm a young dude with no family or kids or none of that, so in that regard I have NO CLUE as to the severity and emotional distress of your situation! But you cannot POSSIBLY expect yourself to last very long with a drug-addled husband and three young/demanding kids to tend to, along with a fulltime job! I don't know if you are hoping that his going to work will mean that he'll have less desire to do drugs, but let me make an opinion there: a "change of scenery" is not going to take away the urges! He'll still have the problems at hand to face, because it's all in the body's chemistry, not in the environment! I thought if I moved to Colorado once that I would have less urge to smoke pot and BOOM, I got so sick and stoned that I had a mental breakdown!
I hope to God that you will be lead to the right path here Jenny, it breaks my heart to hear these words from you, as I can tell you are among the kindest of people! But I think you need to stop doing so many favors for your husband, quit letting him try and set mental traps for you because of HIS problem. Don't allow him to make YOU feel guilty for wanting to help him. Don't let him lasso you in to thinking you have to babysit him and just let HIM deal with HIM. The hard part about this is: it might mean that you need to start to just plain IGNORE his whining!!! Focus on your children and yourSELF for awhile and see how he reacts, but don't "ask" him to be thankful of you, because it seems that in HIS opinion, the world is out to see him fail if he doesn't have his drugs...
But take my words at FACE VALUE Jenny! I had to be very harsh with my mother when she was being so mentally abused by my stepfather in order for her to finally (after 4 years) WAKE UP! Good people like you should not (and MUST NOT) be treated like that...
Either way, you are in my thoughts, prayers, and BEST WISHES! Please keep the HONEST POSTS coming if that helps to get things off your chest, you deserve some serious attention and if you gotta come here to get it then so be it. I don't know you personally but I don't care, you are undoubtedly a good human being and there's NO reason that you should endure such mental abuse.
Take care and God Bless,
-G
After reading your posts, it looks like your husband is doing to you what my stepfather did to me and my mother. All the classic signs of someone who is completely controlled by "getting and staying high", and saying things like he will "blow his brains out" before he gets help...well, what do YOU say to him when he says that? Do you ever mention your 3 children and them being left without a father at such young ages and the lifelong torment for ALL of your relatives to have to live with? Those kinds of sick, twisted headgames should NOT be taken lightly, nor should they be TOLERATED!!! If he uses that, you might even ponder the option of telling him "go ahead!", but then again, he might be serious......it's one big ****-sandwich and I wish there was a "magical cure" for such sickness (don't we all)...
Your mentioning of your husband always turning everything back to you is CLASSIC denial and manipulation. It's a no-win situation! I dealt with a stepfather who LOVED to sit and play mindgames with me everytime I begged him to put a lid on his drinking (little did I know he did LOADS of cocaine and pills too). He'd say things like "so what will happen if I quit drinking? What will YOU do to help me?" (btw he would normally drink WHOLE BOTTLES of Crown Royal Whisky a day!), all of this when I was 8 years old! Then my mother would plead for him to stop and he'd say "if I quit drinking, will YOU quit cigarettes?". He was a MASTER at winning an argument or just making YOU look like the unreasonable one! Even if you caught him stabbing someone to death with blood all over his hands, he would be able to rationalize his way out of it! He's the type of person who, if you were to meet him on the street, he'd seem like the PERFECT, WELL-ROUNDED, CARING individual, but pull back the veil and he is the very embodiment of what the devil would be in human form!!!
I'm not trying to bring you down Jenny, but I'll just say that the way I had to deal with my stepfather was complete disassociation! Even harder was that he was my father figure from when I was 3 years old!
He used to keep me up until 4, 5, 6 in the morning on SCHOOL nights with his drunken babble. He introduced me to pot when I was 15, he told me that "life is about taking money from other people and doing 'good' things with it", and that "all people SUCK!". He wrecked my mom's car and told me that it was because he'd heard that my mom had gone to the SUPERBOWL with her friends instead of going to visit her mother when it was really because he was ****-drunk and had a mistress in the car with him (who ran from the scene). He beat me up. He stole my money. I'd catch him with white lines under his nose and he'd rationalize it away. It's taken me 4 years to even BEGIN to try and trust people now, and I'm still struggling...I have NO friends! Nor does my mother! His goal was to have ALL the attention on HIM and ONLY HIM! He stole jewelry from my mom and blamed it on the maid...I could go on forever! Someone once said that if you were to drop that man from a 1-story building, he'd explode on contact because of all the **** in his system...
What I'm trying to get at is that, from my own experience with a self-absorbed person like that, I was FORCED into doing tough love! ZERO F***ING TOLERANCE! At some point, all people have to try and fend for themselves without babysitting grown human beings. Your hub may even need intense psychotherapy, if he's talking about ending it all were he to quit drugs! I read that and it just makes my heart sink, because I can picture your situation like you live next door, but at the same time I'm a young dude with no family or kids or none of that, so in that regard I have NO CLUE as to the severity and emotional distress of your situation! But you cannot POSSIBLY expect yourself to last very long with a drug-addled husband and three young/demanding kids to tend to, along with a fulltime job! I don't know if you are hoping that his going to work will mean that he'll have less desire to do drugs, but let me make an opinion there: a "change of scenery" is not going to take away the urges! He'll still have the problems at hand to face, because it's all in the body's chemistry, not in the environment! I thought if I moved to Colorado once that I would have less urge to smoke pot and BOOM, I got so sick and stoned that I had a mental breakdown!
I hope to God that you will be lead to the right path here Jenny, it breaks my heart to hear these words from you, as I can tell you are among the kindest of people! But I think you need to stop doing so many favors for your husband, quit letting him try and set mental traps for you because of HIS problem. Don't allow him to make YOU feel guilty for wanting to help him. Don't let him lasso you in to thinking you have to babysit him and just let HIM deal with HIM. The hard part about this is: it might mean that you need to start to just plain IGNORE his whining!!! Focus on your children and yourSELF for awhile and see how he reacts, but don't "ask" him to be thankful of you, because it seems that in HIS opinion, the world is out to see him fail if he doesn't have his drugs...
But take my words at FACE VALUE Jenny! I had to be very harsh with my mother when she was being so mentally abused by my stepfather in order for her to finally (after 4 years) WAKE UP! Good people like you should not (and MUST NOT) be treated like that...
Either way, you are in my thoughts, prayers, and BEST WISHES! Please keep the HONEST POSTS coming if that helps to get things off your chest, you deserve some serious attention and if you gotta come here to get it then so be it. I don't know you personally but I don't care, you are undoubtedly a good human being and there's NO reason that you should endure such mental abuse.
Take care and God Bless,
-G
Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope very much that it turns out to be something harmless and easily treatable. I can imagine how scared you must be right now. Hang in there and keep us posted! When I saw your picture, I couldn't figure out why you looked different than I had imagined you -- then it hit me -- you've said you are 40/41 (right?), and you look about ten years younger! Bless your heart -- Milo
the post above was for you guys also...I have to continue or i get cut off for some reason...now about me....LOL I am so mean,,,,,,LOL i feel like Ihave PMS 24/7 night sweats,,,day sweats, my friend said vitamin e helps the sweats....(ummmm this post is probably best understood by the chickadees LOL)
I have not had a pap since i was pregnant with alec and he will be 4 in november...i have never had 1 period every week..i have cramps. etc. i am terrifed it is cancer which like I told Irishrose that my doc has not ruled out uterine cancer.....said it is quite possible hoever, she also said that perimenopause is a possibility..I am seeing someone on sept 10...I have kids to raise,,,a husband to raise....and gramma to take care of,,,,I can't get sick..Now, I can't ever remember asking anyone to pray for ME...but I would like to ask for you guys to do me a favor and PLEASE PLEASE pray for my kids...not me ,, my babies and my family...my husband,,,,I cna see the fear in his eyes when I talk about it...he tries to be strong and brave so I don't get afraid and I would never let him know I am afraid I down play it alot.....i aks that you pray that if in fact i do have uterine cancer or anything bad that my kids and my family will be ok...my dad won't even discuss it,...just maybe even a quickie prayer...I don't worry abou tme it's my family like I tild irish I am so totally in love with my kids and my husband,,,,,it's them....I live for.....I would appreciate it...Thanks all of you I love you all cin
I have not had a pap since i was pregnant with alec and he will be 4 in november...i have never had 1 period every week..i have cramps. etc. i am terrifed it is cancer which like I told Irishrose that my doc has not ruled out uterine cancer.....said it is quite possible hoever, she also said that perimenopause is a possibility..I am seeing someone on sept 10...I have kids to raise,,,a husband to raise....and gramma to take care of,,,,I can't get sick..Now, I can't ever remember asking anyone to pray for ME...but I would like to ask for you guys to do me a favor and PLEASE PLEASE pray for my kids...not me ,, my babies and my family...my husband,,,,I cna see the fear in his eyes when I talk about it...he tries to be strong and brave so I don't get afraid and I would never let him know I am afraid I down play it alot.....i aks that you pray that if in fact i do have uterine cancer or anything bad that my kids and my family will be ok...my dad won't even discuss it,...just maybe even a quickie prayer...I don't worry abou tme it's my family like I tild irish I am so totally in love with my kids and my husband,,,,,it's them....I live for.....I would appreciate it...Thanks all of you I love you all cin
the post above was for you guys also...I have to continue or i get cut off for some reason...now about me....LOL I am so mean,,,,,,LOL i feel like Ihave PMS 24/7 night sweats,,,day sweats, my friend said vitamin e helps the sweats....(ummmm this post is probably best understood by the chickadees LOL)
I have not had a pap since i was pregnant with alec and he will be 4 in november...i have never had 1 period every week..i have cramps. etc. i am terrifed it is cancer which like I told Irishrose that my doc has not ruled out uterine cancer.....said it is quite possible hoever, she also said that perimenopause is a possibility..I am seeing someone on sept 10...I have kids to raise,,,a husband to raise....and gramma to take care of,,,,I can't get sick..Now, I can't ever remember asking anyone to pray for ME...but I would like to ask for you guys to do me a favor and PLEASE PLEASE pray for my kids...not me ,, my babies and my family...my husband,,,,I cna see the fear in his eyes when I talk about it...he tries to be strong and brave so I don't get afraid and I would never let him know I am afraid I down play it alot.....i aks that you pray that if in fact i do have uterine cancer or anything bad that my kids and my family will be ok...my dad won't even discuss it,...just maybe even a quickie prayer...I don't worry abou tme it's my family like I tild irish I am so totally in love with my kids and my husband,,,,,it's them....I live for.....I would appreciate it...Thanks all of you I love you all cin
I have not had a pap since i was pregnant with alec and he will be 4 in november...i have never had 1 period every week..i have cramps. etc. i am terrifed it is cancer which like I told Irishrose that my doc has not ruled out uterine cancer.....said it is quite possible hoever, she also said that perimenopause is a possibility..I am seeing someone on sept 10...I have kids to raise,,,a husband to raise....and gramma to take care of,,,,I can't get sick..Now, I can't ever remember asking anyone to pray for ME...but I would like to ask for you guys to do me a favor and PLEASE PLEASE pray for my kids...not me ,, my babies and my family...my husband,,,,I cna see the fear in his eyes when I talk about it...he tries to be strong and brave so I don't get afraid and I would never let him know I am afraid I down play it alot.....i aks that you pray that if in fact i do have uterine cancer or anything bad that my kids and my family will be ok...my dad won't even discuss it,...just maybe even a quickie prayer...I don't worry abou tme it's my family like I tild irish I am so totally in love with my kids and my husband,,,,,it's them....I live for.....I would appreciate it...Thanks all of you I love you all cin
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