RE-POST OF DBIRD'S REQUEST FOR HELP

[CGTMHI]

We are SO sorry to have to remove all the wonderful comments you gave to Dbird, but sadly we had to delete JOEY30005's offer to sell drugs, which required that we remove all comments.  We are also tracking "Joey" and will report him to the appropriate authorities when we find him.  Thanks to all of you who are so wonderfully supportive & protective of the forum. If anyone sees ANY inappropriate postings, please let us know ASAP.  Email: staff@medhelp.

MED HELP INTERNATIONAL
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Posted By: dbird on Monday, August 13, 2001

HI EVERYONE, IM A 25 YEAR OLD GUY WHO IS SLOWLY LETTING PAINKILLERS TAKE OVER MY LIFE.ITS TO THE POINT WERE I CAN'T WORK ,SOCIALIZE, OR DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING WITHOUT BEING HIGH. THE CRAZY THING IS IM NOT HIGH, IM NORMAL. [LET ME EXPLAIN]I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A VERY EMOTIONAL AND DEPRESSED PERSON, AND MY JUNIOR YEAR AT COLLEGE PUT ME OVER THE EDGE. I WENT FROM PAXIL TO PROZAC TO CELEXA. THESE MEDS NEVER REALLY HELPED.ONE DAY AT WORK A CO-WORKER GAVE ME A FEW ULTRAM.I FELT REALLY RELAXED AND NORMAL. NOW 2 YEARS LATER IM TAKING 10 VICODEN ES ADAY. I AM NEVER DEPRESSED AND FEEL NORMAL.I HATE THE DEEP DOWN SHAME I FEEL FOR DOING THIS.I THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER TO KILL MYSELF THAN RID MYSELF OF THIS ADDICTION. THE REASON BEING NOT THE PHYSICAL WITHDRAWL BUT THE MENTAL.I AM IN A SITUATION WERE I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT GO THROUGH AN IN PATIENT DETOX PROGRAM. I AM IN THE PROCESS OFF TAPPERING DOWN, BUT ALWAYS END UP FAILING.IF I CANT GET CLEAN , THIS IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE.
SO SCARED-NEED ADVICE,

MICHAEL

[cindi]

Hi ladies,    I have been sooo busy the past few days.....back to work basically full time and trying to get my program up and running for the fall. so whn i get online it is usually for a minute or so..the other night I talked to jenny online and fell asleep on the computer..I felt like such a schmuck.....i actually felt stoned......Jenny i am sooo sorry......i feel like  ditz.....anyway.....i agree with lea about your husbands situation...i talked to about the reality of things a long time ago do you remember?  so I am not saying much on that subject....I read what you said about your kids....hon,,,,those kids are being kids....remember I have my own kids and I work with kids sometimes 10 hours a day ages 10 mos to 1 years old....no, that does not make me as expert but thye are all the same.....if you keep this in mind you will live through these motherhood years..GOD CREATED CHILDREN TO DRIVE ADULTS NUTS  AND THEN WHEN THEY ARE GROWN AND THEIR KIDS DRIVE THEM NUTS WE CAN SAY TO THEM,,,,"SEE GOD IS GETTING EVEN FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME"  lol  My daughter is the queen of drama...one day she did try hitting me  this is not unusual,,,all of it is normal....I know you handle these situations the best way that works on your kids....I told my daughter she is 7, to do do something,,she stuck her litle hand up i my face and said,,,"talk to the hand, the face ain't listening"  my answer to that....your face will hear my hand when it hits it and that was that...certain things work for different kids.mykids go to work with me  that is why i took the job at the school after I left nursing,,,and there are days I feel like a failure as a parent and a teacher.....sometmes instead of screaming and yeling  (I am a yeller)  i take a time out...I take cosmo nad go in the bathroom and sit anywhere even on the floor and read......calm down and then come out when i feel better..you are slowly detoxing wehn we are on our drugs we feel we can handle any situation.....and detox makes it worse...just from talking to you i know you are a good mom....you worry about you  and those kids  let hubby do his thing....NOT YOUR PROBLEM  I know easier said than done but try and think about it at least...leave it in Gods hands......

LEA   I hope you are feeling better..i had no idea you were haveing surgery   my little sis's fiance had melanoma  he is 23  he is fine  had the surgery just about a year and a half ago.

MILO  you sound better than the last time I heard from you.....I enjoy your email.....

Kerrie,  I'm sorry I have not written to you for while but so muchis going on,,what a lady you are...so much in yoir life yet so much faith you still carry in your heart......my little songbird.....i want to hear your music..  i am keeping allof you in my heart

Skipper and Irishrose.....you guys are a joy to have as friends also   Irishrose...you remind me of me......and I'm glad that we have become friends.....have to continue this post  or ele i get cut off

[susanlea]

Sorry I have been soo busy lately.  I have not been on the forum nor read what's going on with you or anyone else.  (I had surgery for Melanoma) so I have been under the whether abit, it's ok stage 1 so I should be alright. Anyway I briefly skimmed over the board and saw you're last to posts.  I didn't read it in detail yet, but I HAD to respond right away. First it sounds like your kids are being a handful right now, with no help.  Second....I experienced this same challenge when my ex got home from Detox and found out some interesting facts.  Remember I told you that children KNOW what's going on, that no matter how well we think we are hiding something,,,,THEY KNOW! They sound really angry right now, just like mine did.  What it sounds like to me is that they are trying to get your attention. Your attention this past month has been mostly on your hubby.....they are feeling left out, and need lots of attention right now.  AT this age the only way they know how to get it is to compete.  They know you give hubby lots of attention when he is out of sorts....relapsing....when he's angry or acting up.  So they figure if they do the same they will get your full attention too.  Remember...a negative response is better than no response at all.  I still believe they would benefit from Ala-teen,  I know the baby is too young, but the other two need other kids who can relate to their frustration.  I will try and call you today, I have nothing pending and the house will just have to wait until tomorrow.

Re: Husband

Jenny STOP! You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to keep up with and please this man!  HE is responsible for his own recovery.  Don't let him make you feel (manipulate you) into having to help him, obsess, coddle, tell him what he shouldn't be doing.  He knows from rehab that he can't even have a beer!  He knows what he should and shouldn't be doing, but unconsiously he want's to hand it over to you, so if he relapses or continues to use...you will feel like you failed him in his recovery.  Addicts love to switch blame, God forbid if it's their own fault.  STOP beating yourself up. Worry about yourself and YOUR recovery.  Make yourself #1!  He has been in first place for tooo long.  Put all YOUR ATTENTION on yourself.  Remember, his addiction is HIS problem. It only becomes your problem if you let it.  When I come down there in Nov.  I swear I am going to drag you to every meeting I can find. AND I WILL get you a sponser.  On another note....Was your husband in Hazelton?  My brother-n-law just went in on Monday for alcohol abuse.  He has hid his problem well for years!  (he is an elected offical so this is in the news in Fla).  He told me that because of what I went through, and the fact I'm in recovery from my ex's addiction and I'm doing great, is why he finally admitted to himself and his family that he has a problem. He said that if me and my kids could come out of this and be better that he wanted this for himself and my sister.  I am soo very proud of him.  It takes BALLS to do this.  My sister is attending meetings now, and he will be in for at least 28 days!  He was so scared of what the press, other officals, people, friends would think of him, that he hid this for years.  He has found out, people already knew, just never said anything.  The support he and my sister are getting is UNBELIEVABLE  everyone is wanting to help him.  Once an addict makes up their mind and makes a committment to themselves the only way is up, because they can't get any lower than where they've been.  Jenny my friend, make that committment to yourself and the rest of us will be with you all the way.  I love and care for you so much, and I am worried about you.  My concern is not for your husband, my concern is for you only.  Your husband can do for himself!  I will try to get more of the details later when I have time to read all the posts, I hope I haven't stuck my foot in my mouth....love you sweetie...Susan

[jennyfla]

My husband once made a comment about me not being anywhere near as good of a wife as i am a mother...
I've had a hellacious past two-days.
My oldest actually pushed me today because i wouldn't let her sleep over a friend's house.  She's 80 lbs now, i'm only 106, so this needs to stop NOW!!!!! I hope after my stern speech with her, i don't see that happening again.
My 5-year old just walks around slamming doors because he claims 'he doesn't have any toys', and i won't buy him any.  (you can hardly get around his room without stepping on one of his so called 'non-existent toys'. (I'm having trouble finding enough money for food right now much less enough to buy toys -- little brat!!!!)
And my 17 month old is just a toddler, demanding and full of way too much energy (much more than i can handle right now).  She is with me all of the time, taking her to work to save money.  she starts daycare next month.
But all of this is killing me, and i get no praise for it whatsoever.  I guess i just need to learn to praise myself, and to try not to expect too much from others.
But i wanted to thank everyone for your constant praise on this board... you guys make me feel like 1-million bucks, and i hope i return that feeling!
I need you all like you don't know!
Thank YOU!!!!
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

Thank you for the compliment re: my pic and my age,,,,yes I will be 41 on Sept 18....ewwwwwwwwwwww  4 weeks from today,,,,last year when i turned 40 i sobbed mom got me through it   this year gues where i am coming to sob  LOL   How is dad?    remember my prayers are still with you all       love to all cin

[jennyfla]

Thank you Milo, i'm always thinking about you too!
Keep being the special person that you are, and you're going to make it through this thing!
Prayers and (((HUGS)))
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

awwww Hi Milo! I'm sorry they deleted your other post..I never got to read it.  But, something had to be done with what that nasty post was about, so I understand.

I've really enjoyed your posts as well Milo. I lurked here a few months ago, while I was still in denial about whether or not I was an addict..LOL...and I really got a lot out of reading your posts back then as well. Your courage and compassion are an inspiration to me!

I just took my afternoon pain med dose, logged on to "keep honest", and it was a delight to hear from you. Thanks!

love,
WW