RE-POST OF DBIRD'S REQUEST FOR HELP

[CGTMHI]

We are SO sorry to have to remove all the wonderful comments you gave to Dbird, but sadly we had to delete JOEY30005's offer to sell drugs, which required that we remove all comments.  We are also tracking "Joey" and will report him to the appropriate authorities when we find him.  Thanks to all of you who are so wonderfully supportive & protective of the forum. If anyone sees ANY inappropriate postings, please let us know ASAP.  Email: staff@medhelp.

MED HELP INTERNATIONAL
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Posted By: dbird on Monday, August 13, 2001

HI EVERYONE, IM A 25 YEAR OLD GUY WHO IS SLOWLY LETTING PAINKILLERS TAKE OVER MY LIFE.ITS TO THE POINT WERE I CAN'T WORK ,SOCIALIZE, OR DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING WITHOUT BEING HIGH. THE CRAZY THING IS IM NOT HIGH, IM NORMAL. [LET ME EXPLAIN]I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A VERY EMOTIONAL AND DEPRESSED PERSON, AND MY JUNIOR YEAR AT COLLEGE PUT ME OVER THE EDGE. I WENT FROM PAXIL TO PROZAC TO CELEXA. THESE MEDS NEVER REALLY HELPED.ONE DAY AT WORK A CO-WORKER GAVE ME A FEW ULTRAM.I FELT REALLY RELAXED AND NORMAL. NOW 2 YEARS LATER IM TAKING 10 VICODEN ES ADAY. I AM NEVER DEPRESSED AND FEEL NORMAL.I HATE THE DEEP DOWN SHAME I FEEL FOR DOING THIS.I THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER TO KILL MYSELF THAN RID MYSELF OF THIS ADDICTION. THE REASON BEING NOT THE PHYSICAL WITHDRAWL BUT THE MENTAL.I AM IN A SITUATION WERE I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT GO THROUGH AN IN PATIENT DETOX PROGRAM. I AM IN THE PROCESS OFF TAPPERING DOWN, BUT ALWAYS END UP FAILING.IF I CANT GET CLEAN , THIS IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE.
SO SCARED-NEED ADVICE,

MICHAEL

[Kristen]

Thanks so much for your support....I dont have medical insurance right now, so I guess I could up my dose on my own and see what happens....I really look forward to chatting with people on here, it really keeps me occupied...I know I have a LONG road ahead of me, but I'm taking each day at a time, trying not to worry too much about a relapse.  My boys are 9 and 4 and are wonderful and I HAVE to do this for them if anything....There dad is an alcoholic and I'm an addict, co-dependent, everything, so I HAVE to do whatever it takes to break the cycle, if at all possible.  I'm not sure what this feeling I'm having is of not wanting to do anything, but I hope I will soon be back to my old self, laughing, motivated, etc.  Its been a LONG time.  I dont really have alot of people that understand me to talk to, my parents think I'm an idiot and dont understand I AM the way I am...they think I can just say NO and thats IT.....and I cant just say NO.....I'm too weak and need there support and love and they just dont see that.....so I am reaching out for anything from anyone....I related to everything Jenny had written...especially having young kids and always trying to keep everything together....and if we dont, we feel guilt, shame, anger, resentment....got to run....

[data]

I wish every one who had to go through dt's had a computer and could visit this forum. It has now been 57 hours 34min 18 sec since my last 10mg methadone pill( I was orriginally on 160mg of oxycontin then switched to methadone and tapperred) I have not really slept well at all but Im hangin in there and I see the light. Every minute is a challenge but every minute Im closer to the end of this ride, and what a ride it is. Anyone taking the big step to quitting it might help to think like I do but this is just my opinion - savor how horrible you feel and mabey it will make you think twice about jumping back on the narcotic wagon. I feel sick but every minute you hold on your closer to the light. And you will be a better man/woman for it. My love goes out to everyone. -data

[GJ]

KICK ASS DATA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is awesome, and I agree with you. Anyone should think of a withdrawal as a LESSON. I do the same thing, I never ever ever ever ever ever want to deal with this **** again. That's quite amazing you remember the EXACT time that it's been, hehe. Eventually, you won't remember and that will be a GOOD thing right? ;-)

Kristen, I very much sympathize with your dilemma. Before I quit my pills, I came clean to my mother about my problem and she has my total support and it is helping unbelievably! If you need to hang around the forum and talk it out then by all means KEEP DOING SO! You're not alone on this entirely. Maybe if you picture yourself having a good 1, 2, 3, 6 months off the pills and being able to tell the folks how well you are doing, maybe that will be an inspiration eh!?! I hate to say it, but I think you will HAVE to "just say no" at some point, if you're going to get through this for the long haul. But keep it up, keep awn pushiiiin'......Ick gotta go, headaches headaches headaches...blah!!!!!!

-GJ

[Witchywoman]

Hi Kristen,
Nice to see you posting! I really admire how hard you are working on yourself, and the support you are offering Jenny and us all. :-)

I wonder if you might talk to the Doc who prescribes your Zoloft and ask if the dose of 100mgs is the right dose for you. I'm a shrink, and work in a Psychiatry clinic..the Docs there usually get people up to 150mgs of Zoloft, and say that is the standard dose.  

Just figured I'd toss that out there..maybe you aren't on enough zoloft for it to help as much as it could.

thanks again and lots of love,
WW

[Kristen]

Hi jenny-

I just spent hours reading through this forum and EVERYTHING you have said has stuck with me for days.  I'm a mom of 2, but divorced now because pills tore our marriage apart.  My ex just went back to rehab on monday and I detoxed about 10 days ago.  I related to EVERYTHING you have said and I'm just wondering how you are doing now and if your clean and sober and what has it taken for you to stay that way.  I used to go to AA, but it just wasn't working for me and I have considered going to NA this time.  I work from home and have no medical insurance, so going to a treatment center isn't an option.  I really loved everything you had to say and you seem like you have the same silly sense of humor that I have and care about your babies just like I do, but want them to have a CLEAN, HAPPY mommy....Right now I still dont feel like I have tons of energy and feel very lethargic and I'm wondering if that is completely normal.  I think you tried to get off of the meds the same day I did and am wondering what your doing to get through each day.  I dont feel as if I want pills or alcohol, but I still feel not motivated and tired.  I have been on 100 mg of Zoloft for about 6 months and have no idea if that is helping.  If you have any words of encouragement or need to get something off your chest, just shoot.  I think I'm gonna be on this forum for a while....it seems to be helping....thanks Jen and everyone....
-kristen

[jule1]

Jenny I wish I could get on a plane and come help you.  I wish I could just make everything better for you.  I don't know what to do except be here I will call you at work.

MILO - I am also so sorry to hear that you are depressed.  You bring so much to this forum I hope you realize that I along with many others have benefited from your words.  Take care of yourself Jules

DATA - Are you around How are you today?