Relapse......???

[OxyDout]

I recently, a couple of days ago had bought 40mg of oxycontin after my detox of about 10 days, I seem to go back and forth with this, I can never get passed the 3rd day without oxy or methadone, I usually use methadone for a few days and it works well for me, I never use more then 5mg in a day, its just enough to hold me until the next day, although its still painful it keeps me from going to buy any oxy.  Anyway, I used about 3mg of methadone yesterday and 3 this morning, but it doesn't do much since its not the physical withdrawal anymore, its the mental game and I can't get passed it.  I watched 28 days again last night, anyone seen that movie?? its a good one, it fits well with what I'm going through.  
My other question is.... Is it normal to have emotional relapses for a loved one who has died.  I keep going through these deep but short depressive states for a friend who died on sept. 11th, he was my roommate and a best friend for the last 3-4 years. If anyone has any input or any reaction at all, that would be great.

GWH

[confused.grl]

That was the most beautiful thing i have heard in a long time.

[stars]

if i may just make a quick comment to your honest message.  i am not a holier than thou type of person, but i need to express to you that if you truly want to stop this cycle all you need to do is open yourself up and ask God to take this away from you.  Sometimes he doesnt answer us as quickly as we would like, but i promise you if you keep asking Him for His help He will give it to you.  you just have to trust Him.  talk to Him often.  He hears us groovy, i promise you...  i even swear that my withdrawl symptoms where cut in half, just due to the prayers of people i know that know about my addiction and the fact that i trusted God to get me thru the weeks of utter HELL.  ****... like i said in a post last night, yesterday was my 9th day free, and i spent the whole damn day at Disneyland havin the time of my life!!!!!  i also would like to comment about the part where you said you were looking at a picture of yourself and how wonderful you looked then.  within 4 days of stopping my 20+ a day habit of Hydrocodone, not only did my husband notice a difference in how i looked, but i had three people that i know that i looked so much healthier.  i've been losing alot of water retention.  just know sweety, all of here want to help one another.  my story is just one of many of ways to free ourselves.  i wish i could take everyones pain away, because i have lived it...  today is day 10, it is an awesome day, i will take an hour and half of my time to drive somewhere beautiful and quiet and reflect on the last 3 years of my life.  and i will find stronger inner freedom with each day i do this...  i will use God as a conduit to send my feelings of peace and freedom to you.....

[1fortheroad]

all of your comments have really helped get me thru some tough times, and i thank god i found this site.  as someone mentioned, it is a lot more convenient than going to aa or na.  when i'm going thru wd, dragging my sorry butt to a meeting is nearly impossible - i'm lucky if i can muster the energy to take a shower.  i'm wondering what going thru wd on a regular basis does to your body.  i probably deal with wd a couple times a month because i run out of stuff.  i was looking at pictures of myself and family from a couple years ago, and to me i look so healthy - almost glowing.  i so wish i could get back to that way of life.  i tell you...i have almost given up hope that i can reach some sort of awakening to pull me thru this...i read about people reaching some sort of spiritual eye opener that gets them thru - i just don't have that type of faith.  some say that you need to hit rock bottom first...i sure feel that i have done that.  on days like today, i feel that it is going to take something like a lightening bolt hitting me to get me thru this...

[stars]

i truly believe it in within all of us the power to overcome anything we want.  for me it takes my full inner strenght and my faith in God.  i don't think we HAVE to be like this for the rest of our lives.  after my 9th day of being clean, not only did i contact ALL my doctors (in which one dr. was prescribing 240 7.5's a month, in which i was taking every two weeks) and told them NEVER to give any type of opiate based medication, i start counseling next week on educating myself about addiction.  i am 44 years old, and i know how to live this life without an addiction even if its not for long, and i love life.  but i'm tierd of going from one thing to another to make me feel good.  Hell, i was even addicted to excercise for 3 years....  talk about not feeling any pain and being high.... i have overcome many addictions, drinking, smoking, shopping, excercise, and now drug addiction.  each addiction i had began by some type of reaction of something negitive in my life, and each addiction ended by surrendering myself to God.  He will free me from this!  9 days and i dont even have the craving.  tierd and achey, but a small price to pay for skipping out of reality for years.  our minds are so much stronger than we know.  you have to WANT the change so bad in your life that you pull from within and fight the need you THINK you have to have..  the choice is truly ours, and its very simple...  its one way or the other...  i think about the people within this forum alot...  i hold all of you very near and understand every bit of your pain.  i will continue to pray for each of you.  keep yourself open to deliverance, and it will come....  blessings....

[OxyDout]

hey guys, I'm doing well, and I appreciate all the help, I bought some l-tyrosene, 5htp and zinc, I need some insight on the recipe, I know I got the right stuff, don't have the bottles in front of me, so I don't know if I posted the right ingredients.......... how much do I take, how ofen and when does it kick in???

GWH

[peechi]

I wish all you people could be in my living room showing me what to do. I hate pills and they love me. I've had this problem for 12yrs  three times sober, And it was good I loved it. So I don't understand why I do what I do.I am 45yrs old am I fighting a losing battle? do people like me always live like this. I thought the Lord delivered me from this! My father died 2 weeks ago and he did not leave me as much as a note. I didn't understand that either. He was the same as me... So I want to quit but some side of me says, just for a little while longer. Till you get over this hump. Do addicts stay the same forever and ever, should we all just join methadone treament centers... Are we kidding our selves into thinking we can be sober with the rest of the world? Do any of you have any wisdom for me???? Please Not Peechi at the moment