Going to try a different route

[LoveMyKids1]

I've been on many times before, usually when I am in W/d's and feeling at my worst.  My doc is hydro's.  I usually end up going cold turkey and "deciding" to quit only when i run out of pills. We all know the mental part of this addiction as well as the mind control- for me, that part is FAR worse than the physical part.  I know that deep in my heart of hearts I want to quit my hidden addiction for the sake of my kids and my own health of course- so I am thinking of going a different route this time.  I have never just filled my script and even came close to thinking of quitting.... usually I fill it, and then try to see how much stuff I can cram in to do while I have energy... a truly vicious cycle.  But this time, I want to start tapering with a full script bc i feel like the mental part of knowing that i dont have any pills is the part that breaks me and the result is me getting some off the street.  For one, i am embarassed that I actually have to play mental tricks on myself kinda like how I get my kids to eat their peas- and two, I am just so sick of this game.  So anyways, i want to look at quitting in a different light this time and I feel ready.  I know that I am ready bc I can say this now with a full bottle of pills in my hand.  I read this board daily but usually only post when i am going thru w/d's, feeling like dying and so unbelievably lonely but this time i want to come and utilize the support and finally kick this ****.  Please let me know from your own experience or opinion if you thing this approach worked for you.  I love the support from this board and reading the stories have made me feel human again instead of less than, like you feel when withdrawing from these damn pills.

[goldenarm]

It is so hard to do the taper.When i have it i tend to just keep doing it even though im thinking about tapering, I cave so easy. I stayed clean for almost 8 yrs from doing a bunch of drugs, Garbage head, but what really brought me down was a mixture of H and C. Just tore me up in the end, After all was said and done i was put into a forced detox whech was hell, i said i would never use again, even had surgery and didnt take any narcotic\s. Amazing, Then i hurt my back and got so sick of the pain and just wanted some relief and BAM, here i am 3 yrs later, 1 failed attempt to quit and im doing about 160 mgs a day of oxy.It is from the Dr. My back is better and i cant shake this habit ive devolped, i went on Subs about 6 months ago and lasted 3 weeks and couldnt stand how i felt and just wanted that warm fuzzy feeling that comes form the oxy high.But now it takes more and more and i feel tired and i want to feel normal again and enjoy life rather than this ****, It is so hard, i still have aobut 30 of the Subs and i have about 65 oxys and i sit here looking at this screen about 5 times a week trying to get up the courage to stop this shiit, i dont work out anymore and my attention to detail is suffiering, i still work my *** off with long hrs but could do better and faster if i would get back to my old self.This *****..

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I would have to say that you should get on this forum every day that you dont go to a meeting. I suppose that only time will tell whether your taper will work. It never did for me. Best of luck to you -

[outotown]

Every word that was written too you is the truth and I cant add anything to what has been said other than we are all here to help and will be beside you all the way keep posting Good Luck

[Dezdon]

If the Vics you have are your DOC, you REALLY need someone eles to give you your prescription. Either when its the time its precscribed, or you taper schedual.
  Self medicating especialy with a DOC is almost impossible for an addict. What typical happends is, we are hot to go for a few days, then those uncomfortble feelings come in cause your dose is lower and you end up saying, screw it, I'll just have an extra one to even myself out. Then you get discouraged caused you did that later and say screw it again and then your at it full bore again.
  have someone hold them and help you.

[10356]

Hi.. we never fail unless we give up... Good on you that you are going to try a different approach.. Tapering has never been my strong suite and in the end every time I picked up a refill I would say this is the Last.. Well it was my last when I went to my Dr. and told him no more refills.....  I also received counseling on past issues.. I was in that viscous cycle.. run out early wd refill it is tiring on the body and spirit.. I'm now over 5mo. clean with a new hobby to fill my time. I have more energy then on the pills my family is happier.. I also feel stable emotionally.. I do not wake up sick and pills do not fill my every thought.. This is what is waiting for you.. I wish you well on your taper also in regaining control of your life and emotions.... lesa

[xxpinkyxx]

I was in the same position as you only a few weeks ago, I know exactly how you feel I swerar........But If I would have done anything other than c/t then I would still be off them today! If they were still some left in my house then I promise you that by day 7 whaich was by far my worst day I would have taken anything just to get me to feel slightly better even for just ten minutes!! My advice and its only advice is the more you say to yourself this is for your kids then that is what will get you through. Im still suffering now, with no energy but Im working full time and "almost" back to the real me, havent felt like that for almost 3 years. As soon as the energy comes back thats it Im not even going to think about popping anything other than a headache pill!! you will get there, this site has taught me more than ever, keep strong!! xxpinkyxx

[gizzy32]

Only you can decide what to do, but tapering takes a lot of willpower and can be torture, i give credit to those that can do it. You are so right, the mental is the hardest. I wish i could have went through w/d's, sick for a week and not have to battle something as powerful as cocaine, now that is mental addiction at it's worst and one most don't even understand.

The most important thing is aftercare and learning tools to stay clean. You said you only post during w/d's and feeling your worst. The real recovery begins after w/d's and that's why it's so important to get some help. If you want this cycle to end then STAY on here, seek support when your craving and vent away, that is what is great about this forum. Good luck, you can do this, it sounds like your ready. It's hard work at first, but I promise with some clean time and healing your thought patterns will change and you won't want these stupid pills no more.

[sway1]

wish i could give you some sage advice here, but tapering is not in my vocabulary. many on here have done it successfully though, and i'm sude they will offer words of wisdom. keep posting.   sway