Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
32.1k Members
Avatar universal

Rock bottom?

Daily reader, infrequent poster. Right now I can't imagine a bigger loser than myself. Keeping it short - I've been swiping pills from my mother. Last month she ran out a week early and had to ask an relative for pills. That relative was not happy and everyone thinks my mother is abusing her script. She got her refill and I have already taken enough that she'll run out again - a week or more before she should. Who the **** am I? This ridiculous behavior. Somehow I have to make it right and have no clue how to.

Lately I have read some inspiring improvement stories and terrific responses. Not that I deserve anything remotely kind from anyone as I'm a complete scumbag. I want to quit. I must repair the damage. I want look in the mirror and not see a bleepin loser! Or maybe that's the reality of who I have become. A junkie dirt bag who everyone thinks is a good guy. Yea - I'm a great guy (sarcasm at the highest level).
26 Responses
Avatar universal
I typed that with nothing but disgust and anger at myself that didn't even mention that I've been swiping Vic's. Not that it matters. Taking more in a day that she is prescribed. Her beloved son making her so proud (just a little more sarcasm).
Avatar universal
You can make this right,as addicts we do anything to get our fix and let others suffer the consequences. Does she know it's you taking them? You need to tell her,then I'd suggest going into detox and start a recovery program. You have to start somewhere right? I go to AA/NA meetings. Been off the oxy for almost 9 months. You don't have to live this way,you just have to have courage to quit. You're not a scumbag or a junkie. You're an addict with a serious illness.
Avatar universal
Hi there- I get that you think little of yourself right now and I can tell you how to fix it.

Go to your mother and tell her what you did. Right now. Tell her you have a problem and need her help. You need to take this step before anything else happens. She'll know how hard it was for you and she'll help you, I'm sure.

Good luck and keep posting!
Avatar universal
She knows because she hides them...obviously not well enough nor should she have to. My thought is to come clean and purchase a lock box for her. Last month I stopped using for 9 days. I made it thru most of the physical w/d's but work has been extremely stressful so it's a way to let things go. I know that's nothing more than excuse. And when I don't use I work out and live smarter and healthier. Using not so much
Avatar universal
Right now, you need to tell her to hide them better. Did you take any from her today? We understand the addict brain and you do, too. You know you need to tell her now and get her to hide them on her person.
You'll just keep taking your mother's pills and putting her in a bad position. When she runs out, she'll go into withdrawal and suffer needlessly. That's not fair to her. You need to take care of this right now.
Avatar universal
Hey friend. Says you've been at this since December. Are you sick enough of yourself to CHANGE? I called myself a loser til the cows came home, but it wasn't worth squat until I took action.

Vicki and Krissy are both right on. What are you going to DO to get clean and live clean? Are you willing to take action?
Avatar universal
You're right. It's night time and I have no access or desire for that matter. First item of business in the AM is to talk to her and get a lock box. Thanks for the response. It's the right approach...the only approach really. Still a scumbag and it'll be humbling and embarrassing but it's on me. It's the first step and then I can focus on recovery. As I said above, I stopped for 9 days not too long ago so I need to stop making justifications, excuses, or whatever learn to deal with stress appropriately. Maybe that means NA or some sort of aftercare. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a new beginning. It has to be if I'm ever going to respect myself again.
Avatar universal
jifmoc - yes I've been struggling for quite some time. Unfortunately my efforts haven't panned out and it's time to take action. I wish I had been successful much sooner. But I feel as if I've hit my rock bottom and if I haven't I don't want to keep going to find out how much lower it can go.
6063300 tn?1430430571
Welcome back! she knows you are taking them I used to take from my step mom and when I stopped the first time she told me she knew I was taking them....its so hard when all we think about is that next pill. You can do this and coming clean will mean the world to her that you trust her enough and love her enough to come clean.
She will be your biggest supporter and be there for you. We will all be here for you!
753324 tn?1457819192
I agree with above posters..come clean with your mother. You'll be amazed how liberating it is. Coming clean with my father was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. He already knew what was going on as I'm sure your mother does. It'll be a lot better for you to approach her about it, then her to approach you. Know what I mean?

On a side note. Rock bottom?... Let me tell ya brother. Every bottom has a basement. Nip this in the bud now. The farther you fall the longer the climb back up. Good luck man!!
Avatar universal
Hey there,
Hope today is a better day! I don't have too much to add to what the above posters have already said..

Listen, your not a scumbag, your an addict! We have all done many things we regret! Failure isn't about falling down, it's about not getting back up. You have been given another chance, take it and run with it!! The only ending to continung to use is death!!

You mentioned that you wish you would have went farther than your 9 days! What are you going to do to make sure that doesn't happen again?? Please consider NA.. AA, whatever is most fitting for you! It's so critical in the long road! You CAN do this!! All you need is the WILL!

We are all here for you and we have all been exactly where you are!!!

Come clean to your Mother, then take that leap of Faith! Post here, we will get you through!!
Please keep us posted!
Avatar universal
Hi all - thank you for the feedback and advice. I haven't done anything today as I slept for 15 hours. I suspect it's due to the very trying week I had. It really touched upon many emotions and I think I finally crashed sort to speak. With that said I still am coming clean. When I finally got moving she was out so this evening I should be able to sit down with her. Hopefully this haze lifts a bit but I'm not counting on it. Part of it is exhaustion, part of it is I haven't taken a pill. And will not.

Thanks for the support. There is a common theme. I wouldn't say I'm in denial as I see what I am. An addict. The courage to address it is difficult and maybe until I do that I not truly accepting it.
6063300 tn?1430430571
The truth will set you free my friend! Trust us we have all been there!!! You will feel a ton of weight lifted off your shoulders once you tell her!
I am here for you and we will get threw this together!
Avatar universal
^^ I concur w Bears!!

Hey! You can do this!! We are all here for you!!
Avatar universal
My folks and I had dinner and I sat there going back and forth in my head whether to tell or not. At the end I did. It was difficult for obvious reasons but I couldn't let that stop me. That would be selfish and leave the door open for me to continue. I saw the pain and concern on their face. I prepared them for what I'll go through for a awhile and apologized for letting them down and especially for putting my mother in a bad light and position. I feel relieved but understand this is just the first step of a long road. For the next few days my focus will be on the physical wd's and functioning enough to work. I've been here before and it ***** by is doable. By the middle of the week I'm going to start investigating aftercare. Thanks everyone for prodding me into doing the right thing and your right - they'll do whatever they can to support me. And were getting a lockbox tonight...
Avatar universal
This is great news!!! This literally brought tears to my eyes! I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!

You are going to beat this!! You are now also going to be held accountable. Surrender yourself to the detox and get into aftercare as soon as you can!
We will all be right here for you and will walk you through this!

Put your amour on and be ready to fight like a warrior! This is a life or death battle and you WILL WIN!!!

Myself, and everyone here are here for you!!!!

Proud of you!!! Now let's beat this thing!!
Avatar universal
Thank you for the support and positive encouragement! I'm very glad I told them for a few reasons. It was eating me up inside and I do need their support. Physically I feel awful but I know it'll come around. It's going to be tough. I know I can do it. Thanks again!
6063300 tn?1430430571
Also now your mom can be prepared she will run out sooner than expected. That means a lot I am sure she was going crazy wondering why she ran out early if she did not know you were taking them....
Today is the first day of the rest of your life!!!
Here we go!
Avatar universal
I just wanted to say I admire your fight and honesty and it's posts like yours that let me no I also can do this!  Good for you that's awsome!
Avatar universal
Thanks - I'm happy I did share what I was doing. I also realize that only took a moment of courage. And wonder if it's really courage when I was doing what was right? All I know for now is that I have a very long road ahead. For now one hour at a time...
6063300 tn?1430430571
You can do this! Now you are held accountable it will be a little easier! Coming clean with our family is the first step to the rest of our lives! So happy for you and we are here for you!
Avatar universal
My last post on this thread as I wanted to share an update. I visited the relative who my mother had to ask for pills because she ran out last month. That got people thinking my mother was taking too many. I told the relative the truth - that I was taking them and that's why she ran out. So I've cleaned up some of the damaged I caused and have another person who is willing to support me through this.

About to start day 3 clean. And making plans to fill the former high time with some exercise and healthier habits.

Thanks again for the kind words!
Avatar universal
I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!  Look how far you have come? Keep those eyes on the big prize ahead of you!

You have taken a huge step with your family and that takes a lot if courage!
Failure will never overtake you if your determination to succeed is strong enough!

I have to ask though.... Why do you state this is your last post??
Please stick around with us. Keep posting! Everyone here cares and we want to see you succeed!!

Great job Buddy!!
Avatar universal
Just my last post on this thread :) I've done what I set out to do for my first step...come clean with my family members,  I know I violated their trust and that will build back up over time as I do my part.

And I'm not going anywhere!  Thank you for the support!
Have an Answer?
Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.