Same person new thread, recovery......

[wantnormalagain]

I posted a new thread so th eold one would go archives, I am doing okay today, it was a hard morning but did what had to be done, did my chores, Grandma is comming, i am excited to see her now that i am clean, well recovering, i havent used in i think almost 2 weeks i lost track of time, but i still struggle some days over the last while, i think stress was a trigger, i have turned to food as a substitute, lol.. well mom hime baked goods anyways, and cookies. I know prob the the healthiest but better than what i was doing, I appreciate all the help and advise im gonna do this, i see the shrink Tuesday i will go through everything with her

[tgtiffany]

So glad that you are feeling better today, and the new thread is a good idea :)

[IBKleen]

Good Morning and good for you that you took the advise to start a new thread!

Be good to yourself and do something nice today--just for you. Also, you need to be patient. You didn't get sick overnight and you won't get well overnight.

I am also glad you are following through with the therapist. It is a step in the right direction. Tuesday will be your intake day so there may be forms, questions, etc. and again, you will need to be patient. One session isn't going to fix the problem. It takes time, and since you have the time--then go get 'em!!

Keep your chin up and whatever you do, don't use.

[wantnormalagain]

Today is a tempting day, i wanna use in the worst way...my emotions are all screwed up,,,

[cleaninitup]

take a deep breath, take a walk go for a horse back ride do whatever you can not too use!  Tell your mom so she will keep an eye on you. You have come so far that you cant go back and just remember how you felt on day 3 of detoxing you never want to feel that way again. Do whatever it takes to stay strong!  you can get through today!  Heather

[HarperOC]

hey just wanted to say its so nice to see ur still fighting it i no how hard these cravings are ughh its all i can think about today i just keep fantasixing about one pill over and over, but its like torture and i can just imagine what you are going through and i feel for u. These are just thots we dont have to act on them but wow i know how hard it is to do that especially when ur really goin thru it. My thoughts are with you

[quitinoxys]

Hey like I said before just find something to keep our mind off the pills. Go riding, play video games anything. The cravings will pass but you need to discover what is making you these cravings (triggers) so you can control them. I am glad to see you are getting some therapy that will teach you how to deal with all of this. As IBK told you be patient it takes time.

[wantnormalagain]

Hay
  Grandma is here, so i can't just take off and go ridding, yes she knows as the ex told her, but i avoided her all morning till brunch because of something else, as for triggers i know depression is a definate trigger, same as frustration, it seems from what i can guess and it's only a guess but emotions seem to be a big issue, but part of the reason I started and again only a guess was because of an emotional time in my life, a real rough patch and a "friend", as to do I want to repeat day 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 NO way, I dont ever want to go through that again, I feel like my old self to a degree again, just some drama lately, that i don't understand,
I am doing all i can to try not to think about it, but it is hard sometimes, i don't think just 1, i think if and when i was doing them drama never seemed to be around, i didnt always acomplish what i should in a day but the days seemed easier,
  Your right i see the shrink Tuesday, i know it will be forms and questions and all that stuff but i would imagine something should start, I know i have 2 sessions a week, withthe option of 3 but i don't know if i can do 3 i guess it depends how long each session is
  But i am NOT going to use is what i keep telling myself over and over and over again

[wantnormalagain]

Well an update, where to start, i wont go into the why's or how's but i went and bout an 80mg oxy, to me things just became to much, Hold on, before anyone yells, Mom caught where i kinda went and was at the back door when i walked in and asked me if i had been to so and so's  place, I can't lie i said yes, she held out her hand and said "give it to me", I tried to lie but she wasnt beleiving me so, I did give it to her, but i really want it, so bad, it's like my brain is doing cartwheels for it, it's screaming  "do it it will help", mom has said after Grandma leaves she will give me 2 of the diazapams that are left and i can go to bed, "tomorrow is a new day", I argued a bit but argue with her is useless, I really want the pill, i want to be numb, The only good thing is Grandma didnt catch any of it, but now i feel bad cause i lied to her and i bought one, what have i done? im that much of a low life, i break a promise and then i lie, and at the same time i want the pill,

[cleaninitup]

Ask yourself that if you had really wanted it that bad you would of taken it before getting home. You knew deep down that you really didnt want to.I personally think you did good, yes you bought it but held off taking the damn thing and yahoo mom for not taking any sh@@ from you!!! I love her!!!  I am sure others will not agree with me but thats what public forums are for. H

[wantnormalagain]

Wrong, I came home to scrape it....i still want it......

[tgtiffany]

I think deep down you knew that it would ruin what you've done by taking it.  Why not just do it there where you bought it?  Why did you have to bring it all the way home in order to do it?  You didn't.  But you knew Mom would realize and would stop you and you WANTED that to happen.  I'm proud that your Mom realized and knew what was up and that you DID give it to her!!!  

[cleaninitup]

Ok then-what the hell were you thinking!!!!! you have worked way too hard to get to this point and you were will to throw it all away! Its going to be along road and there will be many times you will want that pill but you just cant. I think its gnarlys quote but will use it. '1 i too many and 1000 not enough" and you know how easy it will be for you to get back to your old dose-way too easy.So keep away from who you can buy from-have mom take away your atm card cash whatever and it might not be a bad idea for Dave to lock your truck back up.You can do this! you have come so far-remember what it took for you to get here and keep going forward. H

[wantnormalagain]

Hi, mom did take the cash and truck keys, and i just took th e2 diazapams so i will be asleep before 7;30 i am sure, but tomorrow is a new day, and well today was a ****** ****** day, i though someone loved me and it turned out to be a lie, I realize now it wouldnt stop at 1, a friend said an 80 could have killed me not having  any for awhile, so i am kinda glad, but still want some, I know i will have probs in life but, it doesnt matter there is no excuse, tomorrow is a new day and i hope its better than today, i hope i dont think to much about them, but yes i still want some, I think mom flushed it, there goes $45.00, sorry just down, and wanna get high bad. sorry to bother you with all that, have a good night

[cleaninitup]

Not a bother at all- we are all in the same boat just trying to get to the next day clean.H

[atthebeach]

When you go to the psychiatrist on tues.please be very honest with her and tell her exactly what you are telling us that you still have a strong desire to use. Is this a new doctor or the one you were already conseling with? Maybe you and mom could try to find an addiction specialist and I think it would be a great idea if you did go to counseling a few days a week. Also did you check into any support groups? You are suppose to cut of all ties with the people you used with and got drugs from. You have to have a stronger desire to stay clean than you had to use. Yes there will be "drama" in life the reason you didn't think you had it when you used is because you were numb to it and couldn't feel and therefore it didn't matter to you. There will always be things in life that upset us and seem to hard to handle.you thought someone loved you. Well it was a lie so will doing that 80mg of oxy make her love you no it will not. It will just send you into a relaspe and yes possibly an overdose. You are worth so much more you have to be strong. It is you and mom now and she needs you to be whole in body.spirit.mind and soul. It is ok to be sad sometimes and it is ok to grieve the loss of your dad and your brother that is a normal part of life.  It does stink and it does hurt we have no control over a lot of things that happen in our lives.but we do have the control on how we handle them. Taking pills is not the answer. The situation and problem is still there when we wake up the next day. Yes tomorrow is a new day pray for the strength to take one day at a time. That GOD would give you tje grace and mercy you need for that day. Pray that the chains of bondage and addiction would be broken.
May the LORD protect you and keep you
Debbie

[tgtiffany]

Wonderful post Debbie :)  

You are not a bother to us at all.  Like I said before, if we didn't want to be here and help you we simply would not log in!  It's that simple.  But we're here because we CARE.  You screwed up, but not in a super horrible way, could it have been, yes, but it wasn't.  Get up and move on.  You will get through and over all of this.  It's only a matter of time.  Like someone said above or somewhere else maybe, you didn't become an addict in one day and you're not going to be over it in a few days either.  Keep your head up and stay strong!!!  

[wantnormalagain]

I am sorry i direct my post to all, but it makes it easier, and i will answer each of your posts through this post.
  Yes it is a new shrink, one that specializes in addiction recovery, my other shrink is for only the issues related to my brother and dad and some with mom, I will be honest with her, i have to if she is going to help get me back to me,'
   I know i have a long road ahead of me, and yes i made an error in trusting a certain girl, i thought what was being said to me in private message was real and true and it made me feel good about myself, then bam it went wrog, and again this morning i awake to a note that says i might as wll keep using as i can't succedd at this as not many do, Well i can and will do this, i like the old me to a degree, i just have to learn to not trust so much,or watch why someone is saying what they are, and then admitted they have more than 1 profile so i will never knwo who i am talking about, so i willbe cautious unless you have spoken to me for awhile, Like ibclena and the guy/girls like that
   Today is rough, i slept great dont remember even falling asleep but woke up and want to use, but i have a busy day of chores than i see the shrink tomorrow, i will not stray from this site again, but i still want the pill,
  As for the truck and cash, mom says i can have them tomorrow when i go to see my shrink, and not untill, i am restricted to the property unless i am accomanied by Dave or mom, i dont like being treated like a kid, but i understand i dont like it but understand, and i will watch what i post personally that kinda ***** as sometimes personal things are what bug me or make me want to use....i CAN do this right?? I doubt myself alittle today, as the urge was so bad yesterday and this morning isnt as bad but it is in the back of my mind that i can have all this energy and nothing will bug me,
   I appreciate all the help some of you have given and i am sure yet to give, i can tell all new people, that if not for some of the people here and my mom i would have never made it, it was tough and still is, and i understand now that aftercare is so important, and im glad mom set that up for me, I see her tomorrow then see my regular shrink on thursday, so what i don't talk to one about i can talk to the other about, I really want to beat this, does the councelling go on forever or is there a time when i  wont need after care any longer or is this going to be a life time thing?
  Hope all those just starting recovery spend as much time here as you can muster, and listen they know what they are talking about, the vitamins help, drinks lots and i made the mistake and didnt drink enough and got dehydrated not to bad thank got but it can happen so drink lots, and i know it will taste gross and you will get sick of drinking but keep going.
  To those in recovery, keep up the greta work, you can do it, i am there and know how hard it is, and the hurtles that can come up, but we can all do it
  I got good advise from an ex (no not the user) she said no relationships for 6 months, you cant care for someone else untill you care for yourself, and a relationship will only cause you to loose focus of your own recovery, it made sence for me in my sittuation, if it helps you then use it.
  Again thank you to all of the people who gave me good advise, and directed me in the right way, thanks alot

[wantnormalagain]

I know i just posted a little bit ago, but will say, i ate, and did alittle exercise and feel alittle better, still have the urge, but not as bad since i ate, don't know why, but eating seemed to help, but my mornings were always my worst, never had to have before leaving bed, but shortly after, even when i cut down to 1 hydromorph i had to have 1 in the am, that one i still can't figure out, but back to topic, i ate and feel better

[cleaninitup]

Glad you are feeling better! The urge will be there on and off for awhile yet.I am still thinking about vics and has been over 60 days.and know it will continue for along time. Some days no cravings at all and other if someone handed one to me I know I would take it.So it is just staying strong, praying to whom ever you need to  and saying no.And post every 10 mins if you have to! I know its not practicle to do but if you have to do it, do it..We are here to support and help you. H

[tgtiffany]

Just as cleaninitup says the urge will be there, you just have to fight it and learn how to ignore it for the most part.  And yes, you CAN do this.  You already know that.  I"m glad that you don't want her to win.  That's so childish of whoever is doing that, but at least now you know and will keep your guard up.  Hope today turns out to be a good one :)  

[wantnormalagain]

Hello

   I have had a great morning, stayed busy didnt think of using often or her, have lunch head back out, will work till the sun goes down if need me, I still have the urge it did go away off and on through the morning, its nuts but did go away quick each time, I just wish i could stop thinking about it, I just had a friend who got drunk, passed out and someone did something, he was rushed to hospital they found pain Killers in his system, he swear he didnt do any, some people are messed up, they gave him i think it was norco through I,V.it said addictive on the sticker, i hope they are not getting him hooked.

[quitinoxys]

You sure the label didn't say Narcan, as this is what the ER would usally give some suspected of a narcotic OD. Narcan is a drug used to counter the effects of opiate overdose, for example heroin or morphine overdose. Naloxone is specifically used to counteract life-threatening depression of the central nervous system and respiratory system.

[wantnormalagain]

Maybe it did, i read it quick, just saw the red tag drew my attention, he is okay, doesnt remember anything except crackin the case of beer

[wantnormalagain]

Does the drama ever stop i block her, and he or she sends me this, like what the Heck, how am i suppose to feel????

"love you was when you were dope sick cuz your a dirty junky. she told me also you took 80mgs of oxy yesterday so i know your just a ****** up druggy"

Makes the day so nice, I blocked that username also, how many more can there be? if it continues, I am sorry but i will delete my account cause thsi is not helping me at all, when your down people seeem to want to kick you further.