Seeking encouragement on my journey to FREEDOM - tapering from Suboxone AGAIN

[KLB84]

I am in the process of tapering from Suboxone long-term use. I'm down to almost 1 mg. I've done this before but got scared when it came time to jump and made a bad decision to get some short lasting opiates to help thru the bad parts then got back on Suboxone and spent the last four years maintaining. But a lot has happened since then: a divorce from an abusive husband, moving to another state, finishing College, buying a house and getting a good job. I feel beyond ready now. Just tired of this monkey on my back. After reading my previous posts from 4 years ago I was discouraged to see how close I was to being free when I messed up and reading other people's posts about the horrors of Suboxone was also discouraging. No wonder I was so scared to jump! so I'm moving forward! No one in my life knows except my doctor so I thought it was time to join the community again. I felt good yesterday I took about 1.2 mg. today I've only taken 1 mg and I'm feeling pretty rough. I've been taking 1/3 of a 4mg strip, so 1.33 mg for about a month but it seems like the lower my dose gets the harder each taper is. From what I read this is normal I'm starting to try to work out and I've also started taking a nutritional supplement full of vitamins including B vitamins to help with the energy because that seems to be one of the worst things. I also had my doctor write me a prescription for Gabapentin (a low dose) which I know helped me tremendously before with restless legs. For the last few days trying to get down to 1 mg I feel my anxiety increasing. I'm not really hurting bad but I feel like I'm getting the flu. My life is pretty stable right now emotionally and spiritually so I feel like it's a good time to get off - that and I just hate being on this medication that has such a horrible stigma, that I have to keep hidden and that I'm bound by. I guess the one bad thing is I work a professional job and cannot skip work. I have to go (and perform well) even when I don't feel like it. Also this time around I've been on it almost 5 years  not just one like last time. So anyway, encouragement is welcome.  And if you have any insight into what may help with the flu like symptoms. I've read a lot and been through it once but your input and encouragement are still very welcome to me.

[KLB84]

Stable on less than 1 mg now. I think I can I think I can...

[KLB84]

I dunno.  That's what I thought but it's strange what my doc suggested - maybe different since I already have been taking it a long time? I dunno but luckily I'm doing better at the moment. The worst anxiety usually only lasts a few days after a week of tapering...so... Just making it through the worst and going forward. :-) not easy but just keep swimming

[motye51]

Don't mood stabalizers and anti depressants take time to build up though? Like it might not give you the instant effect your looking for?

[KLB84]

Wondering if increasing my Paxil would help with the irritabilty and anxiety or if I should try something natural - just not sure about mixing even natural things with the Paxil...hmmm. I'm on the lowest dose of Paxil they make but it has helped me tremendously (before my relapse when I was completely sober). May try gong up 1/2 every other day during this time.  My dr once told me before I could go up when pmssing so I know he'd be ok with it. Any thoughts?

[motye51]

I was thinking about the sneezing....omg....for like a month i sneezed incessantly. The senses do go on overdrive. When i got that irritable a hot, epsom salt bath is what i would do. Music in my ears and soaking!!! Its not a miracle cure.....but it does help.

[KLB84]

Thank you - sometimes it feels good just to know that someone knows what your going through.

[KLB84]

Senses in over drive - I smell everything. My co workers perfume is about to make me lose my mind. I'm sooo irritable. tired but anxious - I want to be in a dark quiet room away from everyone and everything.