Aa
So conflicted on my next steps with tapering :(
Today I just realized something.... When I first started my taper off of 15/Norco day, I was hurting bad. I kept thinking...
"I'm at 6 Norco/day and feel this sh*tty. That's still a pretty high dose. What's wrong withe me? I must be weak. What's going to happen when I hit 3 Norcos/day. What am I going to do when I take the jump to ZERO!?!"
The anxiety was paralyzing at times. The withdrawals were toying with my emotions and burning through my body. Recently I posted a question about Suboxone because I have an entire bottle of it here at home. In between my knee surgeries, my doctor gave it to me to help with the pain. Not knowing what I was doing really... I continued my ongoing 15 Norco/day habit and ON TOP started taking 4mg of Suboxone a day. I didn't realize how potent it was. I mean I had read online that it was strong, but since it didn't give me any sort of high - It seemed sort of "fake" to me... I felt like it was harmless and wouldn't affect me in the long run. I thought my Norco addiction was my only devil. For 2 -3 weeks leading up to my last surgery, I took 4mg of Suboxone everyday. After I had my procedure, I stopped the Suboxone CT. I didn't think a thing of it. Now I wonder if part of my withdrawal symptoms have been because I took this medication. I mean, I quit taking it 3 weeks ago, so maybe now, that too is seeping out of my body. Perhaps I'm wrong - because I only took it for 2 weeks... I just don't know.
So now, on Day 6 of being at 6 Norcos/day - here's where I am:
I got through the entire night without waking up or needing a bath... YES! I think that means I'm heading in the right direction, right? I hope so... I still hurt A LOT in the mornings and off and on throughout the day. I still have lots of cravings... And the anxiety - sometimes I wonder if that will ever go away. but I can deal with it and I got to keep going. Now I need to figure out when I should taper to 5 Norco/day and I'm SO torn what to do.
I just got 2 cortisone shots this morning and was told I'd be in pain for a couple days or so, I also have 3 grueling sessions of physical therapy this week, AND I have to go to a full-weekend function in Pebble Beach for my husband's company on Friday — where I'll have to hob-nob like I'm "normal" with all the executives. UGH!!! Now, I'm thinking I'll do my taper to 5 Norco next Monday instead of this Wednesday as I had planned.
I hope that doesn't make me weak. I hope prolonging the taper for a bit longer than I had planned doesn't mean I'm not committed. I hope I'm not mind-screwing myself to think... "Oh I'll taper later because I can't cope with less Norco this week" I feel like I have genuine reasons to hold off on the next taper. But I also feel like ALL addicts come up with an excuses not to keep pushing through.
I'm disappointed in myself right now. Maybe I should cut down to 5 Norcos on Wednesday regardless of my post-surgery knee pain, regardless of my travel obligations, regardless of the physical therapy. Ugh... I don't know what to do... Haha, I don't know why I'm even posting this... I know my problems are minor to other people's issues. I just needed to VENT. That's all.
I hope you all are having a great day! xoxoxoxo
"I'm at 6 Norco/day and feel this sh*tty. That's still a pretty high dose. What's wrong withe me? I must be weak. What's going to happen when I hit 3 Norcos/day. What am I going to do when I take the jump to ZERO!?!"
The anxiety was paralyzing at times. The withdrawals were toying with my emotions and burning through my body. Recently I posted a question about Suboxone because I have an entire bottle of it here at home. In between my knee surgeries, my doctor gave it to me to help with the pain. Not knowing what I was doing really... I continued my ongoing 15 Norco/day habit and ON TOP started taking 4mg of Suboxone a day. I didn't realize how potent it was. I mean I had read online that it was strong, but since it didn't give me any sort of high - It seemed sort of "fake" to me... I felt like it was harmless and wouldn't affect me in the long run. I thought my Norco addiction was my only devil. For 2 -3 weeks leading up to my last surgery, I took 4mg of Suboxone everyday. After I had my procedure, I stopped the Suboxone CT. I didn't think a thing of it. Now I wonder if part of my withdrawal symptoms have been because I took this medication. I mean, I quit taking it 3 weeks ago, so maybe now, that too is seeping out of my body. Perhaps I'm wrong - because I only took it for 2 weeks... I just don't know.
So now, on Day 6 of being at 6 Norcos/day - here's where I am:
I got through the entire night without waking up or needing a bath... YES! I think that means I'm heading in the right direction, right? I hope so... I still hurt A LOT in the mornings and off and on throughout the day. I still have lots of cravings... And the anxiety - sometimes I wonder if that will ever go away. but I can deal with it and I got to keep going. Now I need to figure out when I should taper to 5 Norco/day and I'm SO torn what to do.
I just got 2 cortisone shots this morning and was told I'd be in pain for a couple days or so, I also have 3 grueling sessions of physical therapy this week, AND I have to go to a full-weekend function in Pebble Beach for my husband's company on Friday — where I'll have to hob-nob like I'm "normal" with all the executives. UGH!!! Now, I'm thinking I'll do my taper to 5 Norco next Monday instead of this Wednesday as I had planned.
I hope that doesn't make me weak. I hope prolonging the taper for a bit longer than I had planned doesn't mean I'm not committed. I hope I'm not mind-screwing myself to think... "Oh I'll taper later because I can't cope with less Norco this week" I feel like I have genuine reasons to hold off on the next taper. But I also feel like ALL addicts come up with an excuses not to keep pushing through.
I'm disappointed in myself right now. Maybe I should cut down to 5 Norcos on Wednesday regardless of my post-surgery knee pain, regardless of my travel obligations, regardless of the physical therapy. Ugh... I don't know what to do... Haha, I don't know why I'm even posting this... I know my problems are minor to other people's issues. I just needed to VENT. That's all.
I hope you all are having a great day! xoxoxoxo
Best Answer
OMG..you folks sure can type! LOL
What concerns me is that you are making excuses not to follow your plan. There will always be something. You need to wrap your mind around getting this done, no matter what.
Do not beat yourself up. Stay positive, it goes a long way.
Think of this: You are complaining about going to Pebble Beach this weekend. I would KILL to be sure for the golf tournament and I would pay to hob-nob!! Turn your attitude and maybe you can enjoy yourself. I hope you do.
Whatever you do or however you do it--we will be here to support you.
What concerns me is that you are making excuses not to follow your plan. There will always be something. You need to wrap your mind around getting this done, no matter what.
Do not beat yourself up. Stay positive, it goes a long way.
Think of this: You are complaining about going to Pebble Beach this weekend. I would KILL to be sure for the golf tournament and I would pay to hob-nob!! Turn your attitude and maybe you can enjoy yourself. I hope you do.
Whatever you do or however you do it--we will be here to support you.
Your problems aren't minor compared. We are all in the same boat!
That being said, yes you will find excuses, and I have no experience with taper, if going down puts you in really bad wds like CT does.
But I firmly believe you have to take time to do this. In that I mean..
My CT for instance. I would have not put it off for cortisone or PT, if you have real pain issues, you have to realize they are still going to be there. Cortisone shots are uncomfortable, but when I got them prior to being on opiates, they didn't Rx anything, just told me to take 4 OTC iburporfen ( equal to one Rx ibuprofen)
PT is grueling yes, I have been through it for my back, and years ago for a car wreck. I had to do OT too, as I was having memory problems.
I also took someone to all their therapy sessions for knee replacement, I saw her pain, she is 66 and did it without pain meds.
You're going to be in physical pain regardless. I'm on day 33 and still waiting on the true pain evaluation the vets of the boards speak of. Im in a lot of pain every single day.
However, I would not have chosen a CT with such a big function ahead like you have. I think that lends to failure. But, without sounding harsh, I know how important functions like these are, so maybe don't taper if you think it will put you in relapse ( taking more than your taper)
But there comes a point you simply need to clear your schedule and do it. Sooner rather than later.
I have read your posts over the days, but with all the people posting have a hard time remembering specifics. Sorry!
Does your hubby know you are doing this? Can you tell him, after this event, to plan no more until you're done? Because you must take time to get well.
What led you to wanting to stop?
I didn't taper. Sometimes I wish I had, if it would have helped the anxiety. But you seem to be having it on taper. I personally lurked here and a couple other sites for a couple days, and in reading decided to get it over with.
But had I had to go to public events, I couldn't have done it I don't think. I went into this blindly, thinking 5-7 days of the flu, like I had been reading. Instead, I got none of that really, just paralyzing anxiety.
But I knew for sure I needed a clear calendar.
I know it's not possible to clear it all; but social functions you can. You must take time for you to heal. And not put it off. The pain, you have to deal with in other ways. I realize that's not always possible, it's mental.
But can you at least not agree to social stuff for awhile, after this weekends stuff?
You wouldn't be expected to do social stuff post surgery or if you had the real flu, this is no different! Take time for you to get well!
Hugs
That being said, yes you will find excuses, and I have no experience with taper, if going down puts you in really bad wds like CT does.
But I firmly believe you have to take time to do this. In that I mean..
My CT for instance. I would have not put it off for cortisone or PT, if you have real pain issues, you have to realize they are still going to be there. Cortisone shots are uncomfortable, but when I got them prior to being on opiates, they didn't Rx anything, just told me to take 4 OTC iburporfen ( equal to one Rx ibuprofen)
PT is grueling yes, I have been through it for my back, and years ago for a car wreck. I had to do OT too, as I was having memory problems.
I also took someone to all their therapy sessions for knee replacement, I saw her pain, she is 66 and did it without pain meds.
You're going to be in physical pain regardless. I'm on day 33 and still waiting on the true pain evaluation the vets of the boards speak of. Im in a lot of pain every single day.
However, I would not have chosen a CT with such a big function ahead like you have. I think that lends to failure. But, without sounding harsh, I know how important functions like these are, so maybe don't taper if you think it will put you in relapse ( taking more than your taper)
But there comes a point you simply need to clear your schedule and do it. Sooner rather than later.
I have read your posts over the days, but with all the people posting have a hard time remembering specifics. Sorry!
Does your hubby know you are doing this? Can you tell him, after this event, to plan no more until you're done? Because you must take time to get well.
What led you to wanting to stop?
I didn't taper. Sometimes I wish I had, if it would have helped the anxiety. But you seem to be having it on taper. I personally lurked here and a couple other sites for a couple days, and in reading decided to get it over with.
But had I had to go to public events, I couldn't have done it I don't think. I went into this blindly, thinking 5-7 days of the flu, like I had been reading. Instead, I got none of that really, just paralyzing anxiety.
But I knew for sure I needed a clear calendar.
I know it's not possible to clear it all; but social functions you can. You must take time for you to heal. And not put it off. The pain, you have to deal with in other ways. I realize that's not always possible, it's mental.
But can you at least not agree to social stuff for awhile, after this weekends stuff?
You wouldn't be expected to do social stuff post surgery or if you had the real flu, this is no different! Take time for you to get well!
Hugs
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
I know your future plans are to go from 6 norcos to 0 and you'd like to be off all narcotics in 2 mos I think you said. But aren't you really just starting the taper now? Seems like you kinda radically JUMPED from 15 to 6 and are now talking of doing a slow taper? Don't know....maybe I didn't get that right.
I think its possible that you are having more pronounced w/drawal symptoms right now because you were on 4 mg of suboxone at the same time you were still taking 15 norcos/day even tho you said you only took that combo for 2-3 wks. You didn't know much about the subs when you were taking them so you didn't know that the suboxone was binding to your pain receptors, therefore blocking most of the effects of those 15 norcos every day. Also, sinced you started asking about subs in the last few days, you have learned the ratio of subs to norcos of 1 mg = 60 mg.
So while you were taking 4 mg subs (240 mg) and 15 norcos (150 mg) you were putting about 390 mg into your body each day!! So that's why I think by stopping the 390 mg and going to 150 mg and now down to 60 mg you are having such a time of it, girl.
Now that you have more information about all this, you can attempt a slow taper and see if that's something you can do. Remember as you do your PT, your shots, your taper and all...that you pain level will not be the same as when you are totally off pain meds for awhile. After my accident and then my following back surgery, my pain actually got WORSE before I finally got off the hydros. It takes time to heal pain receptors and neurotransmitters....as we've been jackin w/ them for a LONG time.
Hope this helps....you definitely have put yourself thru some extremes in the last 6 weeks......give yourself time to level out and heal some.
Have fun in Pebble Beach......soak up some sunshine for me~