Sorry for the answer on worried's post. My second bump was a relapse

[corey411]

Funny how this disease works you. As most of you know I have been looking for a new job bc I am around drugs on almost a daily basis and the temptation is too great. I had a job interview on Tues. that I arranged for on Friday. Anyway I was flooded with emotions with the upcoming interview...Will I get the job? Will I really like it. Why can't I find out sooner? Basically I was overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions and could not seem to get a grip. I got 1 hydro and it and it took it all away. Over the weekend I was still a little anxious but better. Monday I got 7 percs. I convinced myself I needed pills to have a good interview. I took 2 Tues,Wed, Thurs and 1 yesterday morning. I felt OK all of yesterday but woke up feeling as though I'm practically in full wds. today.

I can't concider this a bump and be honest with any of you or myself. As I have written before if I caved again I planned to tell my family about my problem and find out about NA. I actually told my family(at least my bf and oldest son) weeks ago and they were supportive and they know that I spend all of the time I do on the computer bc of the forum. I told Joe, my bf about this relapse and he's pretty pissed at me. It's hard for him to undrestand but he is a good guy and will come around. I called NA and there is a womans group meeting in my area tonite at 7:30. I will be there. The support each and every one of you have given me has helped me soo much. I just need a little more intensity. Corey

[soreadytodetox]

i truly believe what you said about the void.  when you are trying to stay clean and the drugs are gone  there definetly is a void i knew i felt this and still do! your right you have to find a way to fill it! what ever it takes.my bst friend has o/d on oxymorphone(opania tr) i have been with her for over a week so i really havent had any idle time. you would think by me seeing her this way yes it is scary but now that im back home and idle im starting to crave again! boy this addition to the opiates sure has its grips on me. ive been clean 1 day shy of 3 weeks! i dont want to back slide now! this is the first time in years that i have been clean. i just feel empty inside i thought i would feel better but i just dont understand?       sherri

[addictedme]

Remember that your life was probably centered on drugs so when you stop useing theres a void in your life that you have to fill. Meetings are great but include other things that you "couldnt" do or enjoy when you were useing. Try and stay active cause ya know what happens when we just sit around thinkin. Your right where you should be and headed in the right direction,,,gl ( those hugs can be great huh)

[worried878]

Na or AA...whichever u choose is so important or some type of aftercare like counseling....seems like those who do it have less problems than those who do not...just an observation

[corey411]

Thank you to those of you who showed concern. I made it to my NA meeting after much running around. The local NA number sent me to a meeting in a church for 7:30 that had been discontinued therefeore I had to race back home to find another. since I didn't bring the number with me, and there was one right down the street at 8:00 I really felt like I belonged there.I was in the middle of wds and sweating like a pig but got my first keychain and 7 hugs. I talked about my addiction and MANY relapses and that I was getting some support from the forum as well but plan to do the 90 meetings in 90 days and change the way I'm giong about my recovery as it still seems to be working me. I am going to a morning meeting that is being held tommorrow where there will be alot of female addicts in recovery and I will get at least a temporary sponcer. I feel hopeful again. This morning I can't express how hopeless I felt. I think if I have to go through this again I will not make it. It feels so dark and ugly here. I truley know now that tomorrow will be better. Thanks to all and God bless, Corey

[addictedme]

Your plans for recovery and your attitude are encouraging. Its great to see you looking beyond quitting and wds and preparing for life without drugs,like they say"the hole quits getting deeper when you quit digging". You"ll be suprised and happy to see the changes in your life beyond just not useing.gl

[corey411]

Thanks guys. I'm not sure it's what I call it that matters. I thought by getting on this forum and "coming out" with my addiction that I could stay in recovery wo NA and telling my family. I was wrong...at least for me. I can't justify taking pills for a few days everytime I have stress and think that I no longer have a problem that I'm not controlling very well. Funny thing is if I get this job all of my drug access will be finally shut off. I know that the 2+ months of clean time I have still will make a + difference in my overall recovery but I just know now that I need more help. I can't believe that I am feeling this way again. I have a feeling that I won't feel as bad and it won't take 4-5 days to feel better but today I feel like a fallen addict. Something real deep down inside of me is telling me that this meeting tonight is gonna make me feel as good as taking a pill. That deep down voice is always right and out for my best interest. I know what you meant Mike and know you would not offer anything but support. Thanks for that. Corey

[Mikeinthesouth]

u r a great wise friend correy and are an aaesset to this forum. Hang in there.

[Mikeinthesouth]

I said I was in full blown withdrawal. Im sorry if you misunderstood.

[worried878]

I dont think that is a full blown relapse....u took 8 pills in a matter of several days...i used to take 8 in one day!  but it does not really matter what technical term u call it...the thing is u r back on track!   job hunting is stressful....keep moving forward

[CR_ST_NA]

i got clean back in oct. but wasn't honest with everyone on how bad the prob. was.....ok .........so i relapsed like a mother taking more than i ever had before and the **** hit the fan to where i had to be open and honest........... you should go to NA anyway and not wait for the next bump or fall or slip.......... you deserve it........good luck christina

[Mikeinthesouth]

I was clean for a month then stayed high for a lil over a week correy and I am dealing with full blown withdrawal thats all it took not much.